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Republicans, beware. The tables will turn. - (Garrison Keillor BARF)
Chicago Tribune ^ | June20, 2017 | Garrison Keillor

Posted on 06/22/2017 12:04:45 PM PDT by re_tail20

I am a registered liberal who mostly toes the party line but I am not devoted to the idea of big government. I loathe the law in New York state requiring gas pump nozzles to not latch. This means that I must stand beside my vehicle, holding the nozzle lever open, instead of latching it and walking into the gas station to use the john which, if you're an older male and hear gushing liquid, you feel a powerful urge to do, so thanks to legislative over-regulation, I am on the verge of humiliating myself.

Liberals believe in universal suffrage, but I don't think the right to vote should be extended to people walking around with wires going into their ears. If you need to walk through the world in a state of stupefaction, you don't belong in a democracy. The ballot should belong to people who pay attention.

I have other strong conservative tendencies: I accept limitations as inevitable, even sometimes futility. I once gave a very funny speech in the chapel of an Ivy League college and my voice went ricocheting around the Gothic arches and came back to me 15 seconds later and it was incomprehensible, even to me whose voice it was. I might as well have been speaking Navajo. Nobody laughed. I did not complain to authorities. I was amused. Stuff happens.

Life is unfair. The National Endowment for the Arts bestows pots of gold on poets, chickenfeed on humorists, and so what? The federal government is responsible for the announcement in airports warning you to report to authorities any stranger who asks you to carry an object aboard an aircraft. It's like telling people to report any sightings of unicorns. But who cares? Not I.

All around Washington stand handsome temples housing the ABA,...

(Excerpt) Read more at chicagotribune.com ...


TOPICS: Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: garrisonkeillor; minnesota; npr; pbs
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To: re_tail20

An excellent example of the “registered Liberal” political “Hopeful Monster Theory”.


41 posted on 06/22/2017 12:42:01 PM PDT by FiddlePig (Who needs Truth & facts when you have narrative?)
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To: litehaus
“What is a registered liberal?”

There is an actual political party in NY State that is called the Liberal Party - have no idea, but maybe that is what he means. There is also a Conservative Party - one of their most well-known members is Sean Hannity, who often notes that he is not a Republican, but is in fact a registered Conservative.

42 posted on 06/22/2017 12:44:43 PM PDT by free-in-nyc (Freeping from the heart of the occupation)
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To: thesharkboy

If you read the whole piece you will see it’s a comedy piece.................


43 posted on 06/22/2017 12:45:18 PM PDT by Red Badger (Unless you eat The Bread of Life, you are toast!.......................)
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To: Red Badger
If you read the whole piece you will see it’s a comedy piece.................

His comedy is below average.

44 posted on 06/22/2017 12:46:20 PM PDT by thesharkboy (Charter member of the Basket of Deplorables)
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To: Cicero

“He used to be funny, 40 or 50 years ago.”

QFT on the “used to be” and I would reckon it to be in the 80s and maybe 90s. We had a couple of his books on tape the kids liked to listen to during road trips. Those kids are now 36 and 31 with kids of their own.


45 posted on 06/22/2017 12:48:17 PM PDT by T-Bird45 (It feels like the seventies, and it shouldn't.)
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To: re_tail20

He was entertaining 40 years ago. Now, not so much.


46 posted on 06/22/2017 12:49:25 PM PDT by JimRed ( TERM LIMITS, NOW! Building the Wall! TRUTH is the new HATE SPEECH.)
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To: GMMC0987

Maybe he could move to New Jersey where it is the law that an attendant must pump your gas for you.


47 posted on 06/22/2017 12:49:54 PM PDT by Slyfox (Where's Reagan when we need him? Look in the mirror - the spirit of The Gipper lives within you.)
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To: thesharkboy

But this is average for him.................


48 posted on 06/22/2017 1:00:28 PM PDT by Red Badger (Unless you eat The Bread of Life, you are toast!.......................)
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To: Slyfox

He is (was?) married to a Dane. Perhaps Denmark could keep him?


49 posted on 06/22/2017 1:05:08 PM PDT by Calvin Locke
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To: re_tail20
Republicans, beware. The tables will turn. We liberals will regain power by the simple method of redistricting. We will incorporate the Dakotas, Montana, Idaho, Wyoming, and Utah into California, and usher in a hundred years of progressivism.

I'll be dead and gone by then. Have at it. Until then, I will do my best to prevent gerrymandering from succeeding in this.
50 posted on 06/22/2017 1:09:23 PM PDT by BraveMan
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To: djpg

The man is an insufferable condescending prig, as evidenced perfectly by this article.


51 posted on 06/22/2017 1:10:03 PM PDT by Chaguito
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To: re_tail20

I think he should stick to bringing hotdish to church dinners.


52 posted on 06/22/2017 1:18:34 PM PDT by kaehurowing
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To: re_tail20

This buttwipe once wrote an opinion piece in which he stated unequivocally that all the people in the military are bloodthirsty psychopaths. Keillor is a POS and beneath contempt.


53 posted on 06/22/2017 1:27:29 PM PDT by Seruzawa (FABOL)
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To: re_tail20

This buttwipe once wrote an opinion piece in which he stated unequivocally that all the people in the military are bloodthirsty psychopaths. Keillor is a POS and beneath contempt.


54 posted on 06/22/2017 1:28:02 PM PDT by Seruzawa (FABOL)
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To: re_tail20

Mindless, incomprehensible, stream-of-consciousness drivel.


55 posted on 06/22/2017 1:32:51 PM PDT by Rummyfan
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To: GMMC0987

Isn’t he referring to the latches on pumps that automatically shut off when the tank is full?


56 posted on 06/22/2017 1:49:03 PM PDT by SoCal Pubbie
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To: re_tail20

There is no fixing stupid.


57 posted on 06/22/2017 1:52:46 PM PDT by exnavy (long live the .45 colt, the original handgun cartridge.)
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To: re_tail20
When I knew this guy, I think he was calling himself "Andy Rooney" or maybe it was "Russell Baker" or "Art Buchwald" or "Molly Ivins."
58 posted on 06/22/2017 1:58:24 PM PDT by x
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To: re_tail20

Go away silly liberal douche bag you are embarrassing yourself and all of liberal douachebagkind.


59 posted on 06/22/2017 2:55:57 PM PDT by jmaroneps37 (Conservatism is truth. Liberalism is lies.)
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To: litehaus

“What is a registered liberal?”

“A lib who has a parole officer?”

Plus, they’re required to sign up at an online registry. The public can then look them up prior to moving into a neighborhood.


60 posted on 06/22/2017 3:52:17 PM PDT by moovova
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