Posted on 07/12/2015 8:27:16 AM PDT by Kaslin
Donald Trump is the GOP's Voldemort, the Dark Lord and villain of the Harry Potter children's book series. To thinking Republicans who don't want to go through another circle of hell like the 2012 presidential primary, Trump is He Who Must Not Be Named. When a partisan mistakenly utters his name, media dementors -- soulless creatures who sail through the airwaves -- pop out from nowhere and suck the oxygen out of the hapless offender. Helpless and filled with dread, some victims die, while others slip into nothingness. The dementors will not relent. They want to turn the primary into a pain-inducing referendum on the Dark Lord.
Mexicans are Trump's muggles -- that's author J.K. Rowling's word for humans with no knack for magic. Trump, 69, rants about Mexicans and undocumented immigrants all the time. When he announced June 16 he was running for president, he called them criminals, drug dealers and rapists.
Just as Voldemort thought he could get some intrepid students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to follow him even after he schemed against them, Trump believes he can win over the Latino vote, or so he told NBC.
Voldemort was a birther. He used a slur -- mudbloods -- for wizards and witches born to muggles. Likewise, in 2011, Trump demanded that President Obama produce his birth certificate. Quoth the Donald: "Obama may have one, but there is something on that birth certificate -- maybe religion, maybe it says he's a Muslim, I don't know." Trump's speculation came out of thin air, yet almost as quickly as the "accio" summoning spell, Trump's challenge prompted the White House to produce said document.
Minister of Tragic Reince Priebus has tried to keep peace in the Republican land, but Trump knows how to hex party harmony. Priebus called Trump to ask him to tone down his language about Mexicans and immigrants. Trump flourished his wand and turned the party chief's verbal cuffing into "more of a congratulatory call." Priebus lacks the wandwidth to blast Trump with the Expulso Curse.
In his bid to attain immortality, Trump channeled morsels of his damaged soul into random vessels, called horcruxes. Their names are (ex-wife) Ivana, (ex-wife) Marla, (future ex-wife) Melania and his reality show, "The Apprentice." They share an incantation: "You're fired." As added protection, Trump keeps his fifth horcrux close to him. It is his hair, which glides snakelike alongside Trump wherever the reality TV star slithers.
Like Voldemort, Trump has stumbled in his lifetime. When Voldemort tried to kill a baby Harry Potter, it was Voldemort who had to go -- into hiding, anyway. Trump filed for corporate bankruptcy four times -- in 1991, 1992, 2004 and 2009, but never for personal bankruptcy. Like Voldemort's minions, Trump's investors paid for his sins. Now Trump says he is worth $9 billion.
Since Trump declared his candidacy, his critics have been waging a serious assault on Trump's assets and reputation. The loudmouth rants have cost the billionaire beaucoup bucks. NBC announced it was ending its business relationship with "The Apprentice" star. "Celebrity Apprentice" will continue -- without Trump. The Miss Universe and Miss USA pageants won't be on NBC. Macy's and the PGA followed suit. Like Voldemort down to his last horcrux, Trump is losing his amulets.
There will be a gathering on Aug. 4 as Fox News hosts the first GOP debate of the 2016 campaign. According to the debate rules, the top 10 candidates in the five most recent national polls will face off. Friday's RealClearPolitics average showed Trump in seventh place behind former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, neurosurgeon Ben Carson, Sen. Marco Rubio of Florida, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee and Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky.
Think Hogwarts students and professors facing off against Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Except it isn't really a contest. Donald Trump is no match for the rest of the field.
Cable news has worked to make this primary a battle between a boorish billionaire and candidates who have won elections and want to talk about their ideas. Yet all reporters ask is: What about Trump?
This primary doesn't have to be all about The Donald: There is a way to end the spell. Bush said it Thursday when a reporter asked him twice about Trump: "I'm done."
You said it
And yes, if I read this guy right he WILL get the Latino vote if and when it’s all said and done.
No kidding. It's like that first night over Bagdad in '91.
They were firing wildly at the sky with everything they had, while the Bandits sailed through untouched and hit every target with pinpoint accuracy. Hooah!
Doesn’t dear Debra realize that Harry Potter is pure Fiction?
I’m just worried that he’s Ross Perot. I support his message and acknowledge his sacrifice which is very real and financially significant. I also know his historical positions on other issues. That’s what worries me.
Regardless he deserves my support for the very real battle he is fighting and worse persecution he is being subjected to.
I am a Cruz supporter but applaud the fight this patriot has brought to the forefront of national debate.
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A lot of people didn’t like Patton either, but he got the job done!
We need someone who is NOT a politician, someone who is not afraid to fight. We do NOT need another go along to get along establishment person. We need a leader to get this country back on track. I like Cruz too, and am listening to Trump. Will make up my mind when the time comes.
Despicable!!!!!
I probably would not vote for Trump in the Republican primary. However, I am eternally grateful that he finally raised as a major issue the Mexican invasion. What we need now is a leader who could galvanize people to expel the invaders.
Hilarious ending - that the other politicians have actually accomplished something by “winning elections”.
Having a real list of “accomplishments” is Trump’s whole point.
I voted for Ross Perot in the primaries because I liked what he said, the same as I like Donald Trump's message. But then I remember Perot dropping out of the candidacy and then later going back in again and we know how that turned out. I definitely did not vote for Billy Jeff and I sure did not vote for Perot, but for President Bush 41.
BTW he was forced by the rats in Congress to renege his promise not to raise taxes. That is factual as I remember it very well
His propaganda is targeting the 18-25 crowd.
He’s a moron.
Doesn’t dear Debra realize that Harry Potter is pure Fiction?
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Agreed! Obviously her “intelligence” is limited to fantasy. It’s a big disease in this country and we are paying the price for believing in fairy-tales ground out incessantly by so called “writers.”
Better to the museums than being destroyed.
The author probably would be taken more serious if she wasn’t making a comparison to some kids books...
Just another establishment hit piece. And not a very good either.
Putting it exclusively in museums is destroying it. Sorry that argument does not fly.
Thank you. I'm not surprised.
This article explains Trumps weaknesses.
Three wives.
Declared bankruptcy numerous times.
Then we must consider that he has never run for office or been elected. He isn’t vetted.
What a fun, well written article.
“Mexicans are Trump’s muggles ... “
An incredible load of puerile nonsense, even for liberals.
Even for Town Hall.
Is the MSM hiring interns from the South Hampton Institute of Technology?
Yeah, that and The Donald is making lefties’ heads explode.
He’s more like Harry Truman raising H___: Trump’s telling the truth and they think it’s H___.
Debra Saunders is no Rita Skeeter (Rita not being a sock puppet) ;)
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