Posted on 07/02/2015 2:26:21 PM PDT by NYer
Read this open letter to the Gay Community from a loving daughter.
Same-sex marriage and parenting withholds either a mother or father from a child while telling him or her that it doesn’t matter. That it’s all the same. But it’s not. A lot of us, a lot of your kids, are hurting. My father’s absence created a huge hole in me, and I ached every day for a dad. I loved my mom’s partner, but another mom could never have replaced the father I lost.I grew up surrounded by women who said they didn’t need or want a man. Yet, as a little girl, I so desperately wanted a daddy. It is a strange and confusing thing to walk around with this deep-down unquenchable ache for a father, for a man, in a community that says that men are unnecessary…
I’m not saying that you can’t be good parents. You can. I had one of the best. I’m also not saying that being raised by straight parents means everything will turn out okay. We know there are so many different ways that the family unit can break down and cause kids to suffer: divorce, abandonment, infidelity, abuse, death, etc. But by and large, the best and most successful family structure is one in which kids are being raised by both their mother and father.
And she wonders why gay people’s kids can’t be honest in talking about the realities, for them, of gay marriage.
It promotes and normalizes a family structure that necessarily denies us something precious and foundational. It denies us something we need and long for, while at the same time tells us that we don’t need what we naturally crave. That we will be okay. But we’re not. We’re hurting.
She notes that children of divorced parents, adopted children of biological parents they never knew, are “allowed” to speak out about their pain, suffering, longing, feelings.
But children of same-sex parents haven’t been given the same voice. It’s not just me. There are so many of us.
One of the first to publish such an account was Robert Lopez, and his account of being "raised by two moms" clearly reveals his love for his mother, but also the long term impact that home life had on him. It opened the door for many other children of same-sex parents who were afraid to speak up because they loved them and didn’t want to hurt them.
In the past couple of days, that link has become inaccessible, and the online journal that published it has been dealing with technical issues. Which may or may not be related to the silencing Heather Barwick referred to in her honest, open letter.
That’s not most of us. It’s the extreme left and right doing the most outright condemnation. Most of us who are trying to engage at all, are trying to do so reasonably and charitably. Many of us make efforts to speak clearly and listen closely, with the courage of conviction and respect for the dignity of those who challenge and even try to silence our beliefs, beliefs which at core witness to human dignity.
So Heather Barwick closes her letter to the Gay Community in which she was raised, with which she identified most of her life, who she understands with great compassion, and appeals to now as a children’s rights activist, with this:
I know this is a hard conversation. But we need to talk about it. If anyone can talk about hard things, it’s us. You taught me that.
God Bless you....but don’t let your guard down.
Just wondering.....wouyld you let your son associate with ‘s children who was a PEDOPHILE or a ROBBER or DRUG ADDICT???’ Why the TOLERANCE of an UNHOLY ALLIANCE??? You want to be COOL because you have the COOL house that everyone wants to go to?? Sorry.......I am really trying to be TOLERANT, but “TOLERANCE” means you are “putting up “ something DISTASTEFUL and WRONG!! sorry....I’m just not COOl....I am a Catholic.
You came around to your conclusion about same sex parenting in a very fair way and I applaud you for that. You arrived at the same conclusion that I did, but my technique was less generous toward the other side.
I based negative feelings about the issue on my understanding of the human psyche and also my own experience as a child. Although not homosexual in nature, my home life was non traditional and I remember the empty yawning feeling of alone-ness and embarrassment and humiliation and the yearning for a normal family.
I can guarantee that something similar is what your son’s friends are feeling, but they are not allowed to express it in any way. No wonder you are sensing that something is wrong. The children are expected to adapt - or remain silent.
Adults in these situations only consider their own feelings. If they thought at all objectively about the emotional welfare of the transplanted child, they would not insist or bringing a child into a same sex union if another option is available. Nor would they do in vitro, surrogacy or adoption. There can be love, and even bonding, but, like a sapling planted in the wrong kind of soil, it is not enough to overcome the child’s suffering.
It is not too soon to talk to your 9 year old. A decade ago, I would have said wait, but now there is no time. You can present the topic gently and with age appropriate discretion, but you must begin now because he is being subliminally programmed by the outside world. You have got to nudge him in the right direction because he has already been exposed to it and is thinking about it and he needs a template to go by. You must clad him in the armor of what is right before the world can lure him with what is wrong. We started talking to all our kids at about that same age. It seems crazy to discuss homosexuality when they aren’t yet ready for sexuality, but they are getting sexualized by a sick world as soon as they are old enough to see pictures on the TV screen. It is by design and the homosexual community is coming after our kids with more boldness and aggression than ever.
Homosexuality is a personality disorder and an illness of the mind. The proof of this is quite simple. It is not and never has been a part of the beautiful design of the human body. It is an abuse of the body. My kids feel sympathy toward people in that condition and especially for the kids forced to live in a situation that purposely denies the existence of either a mother or a father. They see kids around them turning “gay” and feel sorry for them. They come to me and my husband and talk openly about it and we guide them to understand the right and the wrong and the victims and the perpetrators. It is all we can do.
Pedophiles? Drug addicts, criminals? Heavens no.
No I draw boundaries. The same-sex parents ‘look’ normal. They don’t always act the same as traditional parents. They in some cases seem intense but I have no clue what’s behind that and I see tension also in traditional parents but some of the same-sex parents seem to be tense around traditional people. I try to be accommodating because of the kids.
Their kids are allowed to come to our home but my son is not allowed to go to their home. When he is asked over to their home we are usually busy or he has other plans with kids from traditional homes. I make excuses if needed.
I allow them over to our home because I believe it gives them a chance to see life outside their home. I hope it does them some good. They keep wanting to return because we have a big home overlooking the water and mountains, lots of fun things to do.
The reason I posted is I am also a human being that has come into contact with this problem of kids with same-sex parents and I notice somethings different about them. I believe they are hiding shame.
I don’t want to get involved with their problems because I am not qualified or knowledgeable about what goes on behind the doors of their home. If one day one of them ask me for help, I might call a lawyer friend of mine, or some other parents that work in family counseling because I would not know what to do.
I did write that these same-sex parents don’t look queer at all. But that is their appearance in public. I am not going to speculate what goes on inside their home. I do see the kids having a different interaction than other kids. These kids look Ok, they are dressed appropriately and they seem to do Ok in school and sports. But they are not spontaneously happy and joyful like other kids of their age group. They seem like they are carrying something inside. That’s all I can report.
Thank you so much for your very insightful and helpful post. I need to think more and absorb the thoughts in your post. I think my son is Ok. He has a lot of friends from traditional homes. He’s also really smart and becoming more and more grounded all the time. I will talk to a friend who is a child development professional about what you wrote as I see a lot there worth considering. He’a an only child so having kids over is part of his social development. I’ll get back to you about what my friend advises. Thanks again.
I didn’t grow up with gay parents but I know what she is saying. My father died when I was 8 and it left an emptiness inside of me that continues to this day. Children need a Mother and a Father. My heart aches for these children.
Just like the beheadable millenials enjoy sticking it to all generations before them, the next generation will utterly destroy the beheadable millenials.
I’m not sure how this next generation will do it, either by returning to normalcy or by going further into the deviancy set forth by the beheadable millenials, but they will destroy.
The next generation may actually be the ones who behead the millenials.
Hopefully you and your family will influence the kids, and I pray that your kids aren't influenced by the homosexual adults.
Thank you. I’ll add that this is not a big part of our daily routine. Most children my son plays with are from traditional households.
The way it happened to us can happen to anyone. Kids play on a playground at a park or school. Then they ask parents for a playdate arrangement. Parents introduce themselves and exchange phone numbers and a playdate is set.
In my case the first brush was with a mother who seemed in all respects like a normal person. It was later that I found out the mother was one of 2 mothers. So you can see how this can happen to anyone.
Should I have drawn a line as soon as I found out there was a same-sex couple behind the child? Should I have refused my child to have further contact with the child from the same-sex couple?
In my case I am a tough old bird and don’t back down for long if ever. I saw a child from a same-sex household and allowed that child into our life for playdates because I thought that child did not deserve to suffer being ostracized because of the ‘parents’ and also I saw it as an opportunity to study the situation. I look at every challenge, dilemma or difficult question put in front of me as having a reason set by God’s hand.
I had two specific (and only two) anomalous experiences with two different kids from same-sex households. I describe these experiences as ‘anomalous’ because I have never had such experiences with kids from traditional households. And the number of contacts with this latter group are much more numerous.
First Experience:
It was an early release day at school. Kids were riding bikes on the blacktop. One of the same-sex kids (forgive me for calling them that) with name Henry was talking to my son Josh and another friend of my son Connor. The three were talking about friendship. All three had bikes in the background while they were talking. My son was saying that Connor was his best friend. Henry was saying he could be a best friend too. Josh and Connor took off on their bikes. Henry stayed behind and came over to me standing straight about afoot and half in front of me and said “I would really like to have a brother like Josh”. Then he dropped his head right onto my abdominal area with a thud while keeping his arms and hands straight down. I patted him on the back and said “don’t worry Henry, Josh and I think you’re a great friend, now go grab your bike and get over their with your friends.”
Second Experience:
It was Saturday at a soccer game. It was looking like rain. The soccer field was on the edge of a forest. It started to rain about 15 minutes into the game. Parents were putting jackets or towels over their sons, gathering things to take for cover in case the rain continued. All the kids and families were on the side of the field opposite the side next to the forest. The rain stopped after about 10 minutes. But during the rain one of the same-sex household kids named Miles was on the side of the field at the edge of the forest alone and apart from the kids and families on the other side. The rain was light to medium, there was no thunder, no lightning. it was warm, there was no cause for concern. But Miles started to become very agitated with a look on his face of fear. He had one of his mothers there that day who was on the other side of the field. Miles turned his back on the field and started running back and forth wailing with his hands moving up and down. He then ran into the forest crying and wailing. I’ve never seen anything like it. I saw his mother come running and I remarked “maybe he was overwhelmed by something?”. She ran into the forest and retrieved him putting a jacket over his shoulders while attempting to console him “everything will be Ok”.
Now we should not draw too much from these very limited experiences but such experiences could and should be cataloged for example on a website support group with rules that the experiences were somehow unusual, why they are thought to be unusual as opposed to traditional family experiences. Then after hundreds of such experiences are cataloged a pattern may emerge that describes irregular behavior of children of same-sex households.
The article posted to this thread is confirmed by my limited experience. Kids can be very confused, very, by a same-sex household arrangement. I believe they can be so socially bent by this confusion that it can cause them to cry out for help to the outside. At the same time they are so confused because they love their parent-partner and don’t want to see anyone hurt by their cries. This must be so heartbreaking, so shattering for them. I think as a society we need to monitor this situation. How to deal with it long term I don’t know. I imagine the kids themselves when they grow older will have to form a group that gets a handle on how to reform the situation.
Here’s a social question dialog that may accompany this issue (these are possible questions that we may hear or see):
“Do you approve of same-sex households with children?”
“Do you believe homosexual people should be able to adopt, raise, have children?”
“Children in heterosexual households can be abused and neglected. Should Child Protective Services be allowed to place such children into homes of same-sex couples?”
I have only had very limited observation on a few children from a few same-sex couples. So my experience, my observations do not make for a strong study. In order to get a strong study performed would require consent from hundreds of households from both same-sex and traditional households. In today’s politically correct environment I think such a study would be impossible or it may be so biased in design that it would never carry any socially scientific weight (value). That’s why I say it’s up to the kids when they grow up to form a study group of their experiences, perhaps under the guidance of an objective experienced social science group or group of MDs. My only involvement might be to help fund scholarships for children of same-sex households so that they will be equipped scientifically to study the social aspects of their experience.
Liberal arguments will attempt to downplay the confusion caused to children of same-sex households. They will claim that traditional households also cause problems to children in a variety of ways and that claims made that somehow children of same-sex households are developmentally impaired is either urban legend or that the difference in outcomes from traditional households is not statistically significant.
I would retort that the value of a human crop is found in its health, its sense of well-being, its spiritual awareness and morality, its ability to produce a new generation that is similar or improved, and so on. The question is whether the same-sex phenomenon adds value to the crop. A better question is are the children raised by the same-sex phenomenon adding value to the crop? Boiling it down to specifics, the value would be ascertained in such questions as do such children when they grow up, do they feel comfortable starting a traditional family? Are men and women who were raised in same-sex households, are they able to touch the opposite sex and have relations without shame? Are they able to create children that are free of such shame? What is the role and impact of grandparents in these situations? Many questions here and my sense is I don’t see an argument in favor of same-sex households with children.
Getting advice is a good idea, as long as your friend doesn’t hold the idea that homosexuality is natural and should be encouraged. Sadly, some in the field have adopted this attitude and any advice they give will reflect this distortion. In New Jersey, it is illegal for a counselor to discuss a “going straight” option for kids who are confused about their sexuality. They have Gov Christie to thank for that one. His dark side is showing.
Just curious....where do you live that there a multiple homosexual parentings going on? San Francisco?
Oh I am fairly thorough when it comes to people that are professional. The person I consult with is a Waldorf school teacher with a professional degree in child development. Waldorf schools are free of all the homosexual normalization.
She’s given me wonderful advice over the years on how to raise an only child in a single parent household and handle the grief of a lost parent. She is from a traditional family and has her own traditional family. She is not one to follow fads or political correctness. She dispenses great advice for child development, making it easy for me to see what life is like from the eyes of the child which is crucial. As for sexually related matters I will ask her how best to approach it.
My son goes into a Christian curriculum next year, free from Common Core, free from ‘Social Justice’ indoctrination and homosexual normalization. I’m determined that he have access to a classical rigorous curriculum. I’ve seen the young people turned out by the academy, they are so far ahead academically, socially, spiritually that it would be an abuse on my part to deny my son the opportunity to go there. And they will challenge him greatly and make him work really hard. Just the way I want it.
It’s like San Francisco. It’s in Seattle where the current mayor is homosexual. But it’s not Sodom and Gomorrah where I live. Of about 500 families in the neighborhood there are I would guess about 10 to 15 same-sex families.
Male child of lesbian parents, bio son of one w/ donated sperm from a male homosexual acquaintance. Like you said, there is just a strange vibe off the family (and I don't mean being lesbian. They just seem very angry and they seem to put a lot of pressure on the kid. Unfortunately they are pretty vocal in their hatred of men.)
He attempts to behave in a feminine way, probably to try to deflect criticism. That's creepy enough as it is (male child shouting down the stairs, "I can't find my panties!") But I just don't know what is going to happen when he hits puberty.
I've lost touch with these women because it was just too weird, and once I had kids of my own I did NOT want to expose them to that
That sounds like a really good school. Your son is very lucky to have you as his father. I am sure you’ll find the right path to get him safely to adulthood.
I also wish there were more child counselors, and counselors in general, who were trustworthy. I just can’t imagine a young person going to a professional to find a way out of their same sex attraction and being told, instead, that they are born that way, there is no way out and to embrace that filthy lifestyle. That is abuse on a scale I can’t fathom. Christie needs to be boo-ed off of any stage he steps on. What a creature.
This thread contains a ‘creepy’ subject that I am sure all of us would rather avoid. Unfortunately I don’t think we can hide from it in these times. This era of open normalized perversion is I fear only beginning.
We shouldn’t have to be facing this subject of same-sex anything or to be dealing with the heartbreaking accounts of innocent children immersed in perversion. But it’s the children of these perverted arrangements along with recent obscene rulings from our federal courts that makes us have to pay attention if we believe ourselves dignified enough to be concerned.
We’ve exchanged some anecdotes and discussed the thread’s article. Maybe we’ve learned something. But perhaps even better we want to DO something, but how? Well, there is a way. Continue reading.
What control do we have over how our society is organized and prioritized? Most schools, most media and governments will be uninterested in our concerns regarding the immorality of our time. The Episcopal Church just voted overwhelmingly to allow same-sex marriage. Schools, churches, news media, governments are seemingly lining up to be marched off a cliff. How can we stop it?
I will give another shameless pump of my post “A PERMANENT ANSWER TO SUPREME COURT AND FEDERAL GOVERNMENT ABUSES”
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/3304160/posts
The followers of this method of fighting back are very versed on the subject and are known to most old time members of this forum including Jim Robinson who supports the movement. You will get to know them as you find them sprinkled recurringly throughout threads on the subject.
There’a follow-on post with Ted Cruz as the focal point but the discussions are essentially the same but other important points are made:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/3304783/posts
I know it’s a lot to read but I ask each of you to come up to speed on the subject. The good news is once you are aware of the issues, your participation will be minimal, easy and not burdensome at all. In fact, your participation will be local to where you live and require only an hour at most per week. Your goal is to make contact with your state legislators. Most people don’t even know who their state legislators are and that’s not their fault. It’s the result of of actions taken a century ago. But it’s amazing how close to you your state legislators can be. For example, if you email or call them, or fax them, it is not at all surprising that they call you back immediately and in some cases even invite themselves over to meet you or for you to go see them at their office or even in their backyard barbecue. And you will discover by reading all the links I’ve left above and below that your state legislators were left a blessing by our Founders that can light a way out of all the hideous mess we find ourselves today.
If video is your best mode of acquiring an overview of a subject, then you should start with this Mark Levin video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdZuV8JnvvA (I highly recommend viewing this)
But I encourage each of you to read through the links above, all the way through so that you can see clearly the issues that people bring up. I am asking you to get smart on the subject. As for my own post in the first link above, I made some minor errors but just plow past them if you see them because they are not material to developing an awareness of what the movement is.
Lastly, for those that would like a legal and historical foundation document on the movement, here is a link to a manuscript written by a professor of constitutional law:
http://constitution.i2i.org/files/2014/11/Compendium-3.01.pdf
Ask me any questions, I am available to help and would be joyed to know you are involving yourself. Thanks for your time and concerns.
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