Posted on 05/26/2015 9:21:40 AM PDT by Kaslin
So Memorial Day is over. You had a great time with whomever, but let me guess—it was not so great on the highway, when about 100 million others joined you on the asphalt jungle. In just about six weeks, we’ll get to do it again for Independence Day, an apt name for any day on the roadways when the morons amongst us demonstrate just how independent they can be.
My email inbox recently gave me the “Bill of Non-Rights” with stuff like (“You do not have the right to a free house…,” etc.), and so, here’s my stab at a few “New Rules for Some Drivers.”
Preamble
WE the people of the United States built vast ribbons of transportation variously called roads, highways, interstates, or turnpikes. Each of them is designed to move people and their vehicles from place to place efficiently, and accidents with injuries and death are low probabilities as long as each driver demonstrates a modicum of reason, safety, and courtesy while operating their vehicle. Toward that end, each state has devised a manual for operator survival. WE know everyone read it at least once. WE understand, however, that some have discarded these carefully written rules, instituting their own entitlement philosophy instead, simply because they are better than everyone else. For the special “some” of you, the rest of us would like to mention our decreasing tolerance for a few things—besides abusing drugs and alcohol—you may not do while driving:
You may not camp in the left lane, talk on your cell, or text, or engage in other intensely personal activities, slowing while doing so, even if your girlfriend is dumping you for being a self-centered piece of work. She is probably right. Unless you’re going faster than the rest of us (passing?), move over.
In construction zones, you may not pass all those who followed signage instruction to form one lane. Would you crash a bank line? A grocery line? Surprise—we have to get there, too. When a trucker moves to the empty lane, keeping pace with the turtle-like traffic, the rest of us do not honk or swear. Why? We’re glad they keep clowns like you from making the delay so much longer than it needs to be.
You are not entitled to treat the highway as your personal Dodgem ride at an amusement park. That means kissing the bumper in front of you at eighty miles per hour on I-Whatever puts you in the category of stupid, reckless, or crazy. Maybe all three? But remember: if you act like Putin, don’t expect everyone else to act like Obama with a fake red line. For the men who think highways are a high-definition video game, if after threatening everyone else’s very existence, you flip your car during one of these maneuvers, don’t expect cards or flowers.
You are not entitled to stand on your brakes for a turn you knew you were going to make, and then turn on your signal as you make the turn. The exercise you get in flicking the lever will be just as great if you do it as all states require: signal your turn well before you brake.
If your car has Bluetooth, you may not make left turns into heavy traffic while talking to the phone in your left ear, holding a cigarette, shushing your kids, and steering—scaring the living hell out of us. This is not brilliant multi-tasking, ladies (sorry, it’s nearly always you). Get connected!
Are there other “New Rules” I didn’t mention? Have I touched a nerve with the self-important practitioners of stress, injury, and death? I hope so. The rest of us want the next driving jaunt to be much more pleasant, with or without you.
YEA, VERILY YEA.
WRT #1, in MN, there is no law that requires people to move from the fat to the slow lane except when passing. It is generally considered good manners to stick to the right lane, but it is also illogical to do so on a two lane highway because you will constantly be weaving in and out of traffic with extremely high repetition.
WRT #2 in the list, MNDOT has stated that the “zipper merge” is the much more efficient and preferred method of merging, which is exactly what the article writer is complaining about people doing. True, most people don’t perform the maneuver properly and it does appear extremely rude when someone does it to you, but it is generally much more efficient when performed properly.
Now off to read the rest of the article.
Undoubtedly, liberals will stop to let someone enter traffic when the lib has 4000 cars behind them. How about they be forced to let all 4000 cars go in front of them, THEN be peach and let the other person in?
Almost as bad, when the person in front of you stops to let someone in and you’re the only person behind THEM! Just go and that person can come in behind me! Its a 2 second delay, do-gooder!!
There’s a sign on the tollway ‘be alert for the safety of motorcycles’.. Ok but then dang motorcycles are speeding, cutting in and out of traffic cutting off right in front of you not to mention the loud noise.
That's when I get closest to having road rage. I fantasize about having the ability to make all four of their tires go flat at the same time.
For those of us who ride motorcycles, that's a cliche. A 650+ lb bike, 200+ lb rider, headlight on, nope, they missed all that.
Sometimes even loud pipes won't get their attention...
Alternate merge, as in post 17. Works beautifully if everyone is paying attention.
Death to all tailgaters.
“...anybody got any more?’
Yeah. Fancying oneself as Mario Andretti, doing 90 in the left lane, hugging the rear bumpers of those doing 80 while burning their brights in rear view mirrors, finding it necessary to automatically travel 20 miles per hour faster than the rest of the world while referring to everyone else as female genitalia. (Bunch of psychotic, moronic macho-men who belong in Junior High School.)
IMHO
in my first sentence “fat” should be fast.
Grrrr....
But some states it is legal.
And in ALL states, opening a door to hit a motorcycle would bring on numerous felony charges, not to mention a butt-whipping if the motorcyclist gets up.
Plus, do you really want to open your door in front of an 800 lb. machine? Guess what? Your car door may come right off. And if you don't pull your arm back quickly, you might end up with a compound fracture.
I disagree with #2. There’s an efficient merge point and there’s an efficient way to merge. Emotional notions about kindergarten lines are what typically mucks things up.
As infuriating as it is I have seen traffic studies that say filling up all lanes right up to the forced merge point actually moves traffic faster than queuing up like decent human beings.
Ever notice riding on the interstate and then when getting close to or going through a major downtown section the majority of motorists are speeding up or some are cutting you off even? Its like an evil spirit flows within city traffic.
I proved that to be a lie by open carrying when I rode (when I lived in Arizona). They couldn't see a 600 lb., candy-apple red Harley, but sure could see a 30 oz. hunk of steel on my hip!
Lane splitting is another activity that is infuriating but statistically more efficient (when done in stopped traffic, not on the freeway) for moving traffic. At stoplights it is also much safer for the motorcyclist to be between two cars than behind one.
When I see a yellow light I slow down, because I know it is turning red. This saves me from having to slam on my brakes. If I am at the intersection and the light turns yellow, than I will drive through watching the other traffic
I have been riding sport bikes since 1971. I am still here. Riding a 1994 FZR-1000 Yamaha for 21 years. It has hit 170 MPH on the race track. Speed is relative. Some vehicles are more equal than others.
“2. 2.In construction zones, you may not pass all those who followed signage instruction to form one lane. Would you crash a bank line? A grocery line? Surprise—we have to get there, too. When a trucker moves to the empty lane, keeping pace with the turtle-like traffic, the rest of us do not honk or swear. Why? We’re glad they keep clowns like you from making the delay so much longer than it needs to be.”
I strongly disagree with that. Arrogant truck drivers who think that THEY own the road and think that they are morally right and can stop people from advancing need to be hung from the highest tree!
I have passed trucks in the emergency lane in construction zones and gave to them the single-finger salute as I passed. After I did it a thousand cars behind me did the same thing. I could see the truck driver in the rear-view mirror changing into the single lane. I suppose that he suddenly realized that HE was the traffic hazard, not anyone else.
Tampa: Good roads and bad drivers.
Was recently t-boned taking a left turn by a guy at a stop sign. Halfway thru the turn he accelerates into the passenger door. I was using my signal, going slow, clear afternoon, etc. How is someone supposed to guard against that?
Only in FL.
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