Posted on 12/11/2014 9:37:40 AM PST by Kaslin
et's face it -- for overachievers like us, it is simply not acceptable to fail in our chosen careers. Our unquenchable desire for greatness demands that we fail in two chosen careers, at least. That's why we're perfect for the latest trend rising from the millennial generational workforce -- the forward slash.
Confused? You shouldn't be. You wouldn't be if, like me, you read Sheila Marikar's breakthrough article in "The New York Times." Titled "Defined by a Slanting Pierce of Punctuation," Ms. Marikar describes a group of millennials who can't describe themselves without the use of a forward slash.
Like Dr. Thomas Oden, a forensic psychiatrist/D.J., or Lenny Platt, Lawyer/Actor/Producer, or Margaret Choo, Researcher/Baker.
Of course, many people in this difficult economy have to work more than one job. But this forward-slash phenomenon is not about tacking "McDonald's Fry Cook" on the back end of "Supermarket Bag Boy." As reporter Marikar points out, "unlike the legions of Americans who work several jobs out of necessity, these young people elect to stretch themselves thin. While one job pays the bills, another job provides a more creative outlet."
Consider Thomas Tessier, whose job description on the left side of his forward slash reflects his buttoned-up position in the admissions office at Stanford University's online high school, but who has tacked to the right side of his forward slash, the job description, "Workout Instructor." This reflects Tessier's nighttime gig at Barry's Bootcamp, where he can "make spandex-clad troops sprint and squat" while he makes "snarky comments about Britney Spears and stomps around."
[I'm sure all the applicants who dream of attending Stanford will be delighted to learn about Tessier's spandex stomping routine. Forget those SATs! If the price of putting Stanford on your resume is putting on a spandex leotard, I say, pay it.]
While it is fun to read about all these energetic young people monetizing their multiple personalities, I am more interested in understanding how the forward-slash lifestyle can help those of us who have left our millennial years behind, and now find ourselves mired in the muck of adult life. If we could also re-invent ourselves with a quick dash of a forward slash, it could make us a little less likely to be replaced by one of these "I led two lives" hotshots breathing down our necks.
Frankly, it wouldn't be that difficult. Why couldn't a number cruncher buried in a backroom cubical reinvent herself as a cost accountant/paid assassin? And who in the human resources department would not want to emerge from his cocoon of tedium as a salary analyst/pole dancer?
Your second careers don't have to be fanciful. You can use your actual outside interests to help you keep your inside job. Instead of being the lazy employee you actually are, how much better to describe yourself as a sales manager/napologist?
If you can't think of a second career to tack onto your day job, you might want to take a page from Sally A. Mercedes, Life Coach/Writer/Singer. I'm sure Mercedes is superb in her mission of helping people "remember who you were before the world told you who you should be," but I think that for thee and me, the most brilliant contribution she makes is by simply showing us how easy it is to put an entirely new spin on our pathetic current careers.
You're a paper pusher? No -- you're a Paper Pusher/Life Coach. You're a management toady? No -- you're a Management Toady/Life Coach. You're a complete loser? No -- you're a Complete Loser/Life Coach.
See what I mean? Adding "Life Coach" to any job description turns even the most mundane and demeaning job into something spiritual and new age and somehow, halfway interesting. And the very best thing about this hyphenated, caffeinated solution is that it is absolutely true.
Yes, Sally A. Mercedes "completed an online course that laid the groundwork for her life-coaching business," but I don't think that's really necessary. One of the big advantages of not being a millennial is the fact that you've lived a whole lot of years.
So, if your boss wonders why you're so unproductive, grumpy and bitter, explain that you are gathering experiences for the life coaching business that is going to be your hyphenated career.
You could try it, anyway. What's the worse that can happen? You could lose your job, and get so depressed that you can no longer be a Life Coach. Then you would have really terrific hyphenated career.
You'd be an unemployed/unemployed.
I’m just me. No forward slash, no hashtag, just me.
President Teddy Roosevelt
Address to the Knights of Columbus
New York City, October 12th, 1915:“There is no room in this country for hyphenated Americanism. When I refer to hyphenated Americans,
I do not refer to naturalized Americans. Some of the very best Americans I have ever known were
naturalized Americans, Americans born abroad. But a hyphenated American is not an American at all.”“This is just as true of the man who puts “native” before the hyphen as of the man who puts German or
Irish or English or French before the hyphen. Americanism is a matter of the spirit and of the soul.
Our allegiance must be purely to the United States. We must unsparingly condemn any man who holds
any other allegiance.”“But if he is heartily and singly loyal to this Republic, then no matter where he was born, he is just as
good an American as any one else.”“The one absolutely certain way of bringing this nation to ruin, of preventing all possibility of its
continuing to be a nation at all, would be to permit it to become a tangle of squabbling nationalities,
an intricate knot of German-Americans, Irish-Americans, English- Americans, French-Americans,
Scandinavian- Americans, or Italian-Americans, each preserving its separate nationality, each at heart
feeling more sympathy with Europeans of that nationality than with the other citizens of the American
Republic.”“The men who do not become Americans and nothing else are hyphenated Americans; and there ought to
be no room for them in this country. The man who calls himself an American citizen and who yet shows by
his actions that he is primarily the citizen of a foreign land, plays a thoroughly mischievous part in the
life of our body politic. He has no place here; and the sooner he returns to the land to which he feels his
real heart-allegiance, the better it will be for every good American.”
Retired Computer Engineer/FR spel_grammer_an_punct-polise!
Bingo! ;-)
I’m just me. No forward slash, no hashtag, just me.
LOL!!!
I'm not finished asterisking myself ...
I’m so disappointed!
I thought this was short for G*Y.
- .- -.. ... .-.. --- ...
LOLOL
I am an American-American.
Well hurry up already, the lady ain't got all day...
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