Time outs do not work with many kids. I had two who LOVED time-outs. They are also ineffective with young kids who do not link things thru time.
Spanking a 12 year old makes no sense to me. But it can work great with a 2 year old.
I have had success with hundreds of children whose parents said they were out of control or wouldn’t listen. How did you administer time outs? Were you obviously angry? Did you determine the length of time out or did the child? Were your expectations totally clear and confirmed by the child? If you’re totally clear about what behaviors are expected and which will receive your attention time outs work every time.
One of my favorite videos shows a mom telling her young son not to ride his tricycle to the corner. He does it repeatedly despite being told not to go to the corner. Eventually the mom is about to whack him when he asks, “Mommy, what’s a corner?”
I’ve never needed to punish a child with hitting of any kind. Sometimes a child needs to be stopped physically, but only by using the minimum necessary force. I’m thinking of when their action will lead directly to serious injury or death.
A spanking-yes-a beating-no