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Drunkblogging the State of the Union Speech
PJ Media ^ | January 24, 2012 | Stephen Green

Posted on 01/24/2012 7:41:18 PM PST by Kaslin

In the words of the distinguished Sen. John Blutarsky, when the President's reelection campaign infomercial begins at 9:00 PM EST, my advice to you is to start drinking heavily.

5:43PM Dear Anderson Cooper:

It really isn’t necessary to announce in a stage whisper that the President is on his way.

Love,

-VodkaPundit.

5:47PM “The President is resonant on this.”

Wise words, my idiot liberal friend.

5:48PM Sorry, meant to attribute that last quote to Paul Begala, not to my “idiot liberal friend.”

Or did anyone notice the typo?

5:53PM In honor of the First Lady’s attendance tonight, I’m drinking martinis and snacking on a stack of thick-sliced crespone salami big enough to clog the Chunnel.

Don’t think I’m kidding you, either.

5:57PM There’s Gabby Giffords. Brave lady, incredible recovery. I’m curious why she chose to resign now, instead of months or a year ago — or keep at it and run for reelection next year. Either option I listed makes more sense to me than the path she chose, but that doesn’t take away from her struggle.

5:57PM Here come the Supremes — but how many?

5:58PM Justice Altio seems to have recused himself from tonight’s campaign rally.

5:58PM When Wolf Blitzer says Djibouti, I get a thrill up my leg.

5:59PM The First Lady looks like great.

6:00PM Here comes the cabinet. I haven’t seen that haircut on Hillary since 1993. Or anywhere else since 1973.

6:03PM Tonight’s debate-prep carboloading brought to you by Freddy’s Frozen Custard. I ordered the Classic Triple, large fries, and a large shake, and might not be eating again until lunch on Thursday.

6:04PM We’re going to be hearing a lot tonight about Warren Buffett’s secretary, who is smart enough to work for one of the smartest men in the world, but too stupid to hire herself a decent tax accountant.

6:06PM One more time, for the slow kids reading this. And by “slow kids,” I mean”Democrats, liberals, and damn-fool progressives.”

Payroll taxes are taxes you’ll get back tenfold, in the form of benefits. Income taxes — which you probably don’t pay, because you’re only marginally employable — pay for everything else Washington does, which means they’re mostly flushed down the toilet.

Please remember that when talking about overall tax rates. Not that you will, you willfully-ignorant statists.

6:07PM My embargoed copy of the speech shows that Obama will open with a shootout to the troops he forgot to negotiate a longer presence for in Iraq.

6:10PM Joe Biden is holding a very large yellow envelope. They told him it has coupons for Chee-tohs in it.

6:12PM “Last month I went to Andrews Air Force Base…”

Isn’t it Joint Base Andrews now?

6:12PM Nice shout out to the military’s mission in Iraq, which Obama opposed.

6:13PM Osama dead. Good.

6:14PM “These [military] achievements are a testament… ”

Honestly? It’s a pretty quiet year, militarily. So what’s the angle?

We need to “follow their example.” It’s the militarization of the American Government.

Hold me. I’m scared.

6:14PM Bad sign: Biden already looks sleepy.

6:15PM “We can do this. I know we can because we’ve done it before.”

Not with ObamaCare, Dodd-Frank, the Vengeful EPA, and permanent trillion-dollar deficits, we haven’t.

6:16PM “The defining issue of our time is how to keep that promise alive.”

Yes, yes it is.

6:16PM “The defining issue of our time is how to keep that promise alive.”

Yes, yes it is.

6:16PM “The defining issue of our time is how to keep that promise alive.”

Yes, yes it is.

6:17PM “We have to reclaim” American values.

Well what the hell you been doing the last three years, buster?

6:18PM Whose policies led to the lending crisis in 2008?

6:19PM Three million new jobs in 22 months. Part-time, low-wage McJobs. Meanwhile 700,000 Americans have left the workforce out of despair.

6:20PM “The state of our union is getting stronger.”

“I will oppose any effort to return to old policies…”

Framing the election, as expected.

“No, we will not go back.”

6:20PM “A blueprint for an economy built to last.”

Um… subsidies?

6:21PM Some said Detroit ought “to die?” And what did some others say? That “Detroit ought to be given big blocks of gold and unicorns?”

6:22PM “The American auto industry is back.”

Well, it’s back in the sense that American taxpayers are still losing money on it. But OK.

6:22PM We’ll get rich selling Masterlocks to people with very little property to protect!

6:23PM “We should start with out tax code.”

Amen. We have an amazingly corrupt tax code.

6:24PM “No American company should be able to avoid paying taxes by moving jobs overseas.”

A “basic minimum tax.”

An AMT for business? That ought to go swimmingly.

6:25PM OK, so he wants to make the tax code fairer by filling it with more preferences. Am I missing something?

6:25PM Eric Cantor looks like a shark with frickin’ laser beams.

6:27PM Toledo! Chicago!

I’m reminded of the radio version of Huey Lewis’ “Heart of Rock’n'Roll,” which featured dubbed-in shout-outs to cities in local markets.

6:27PM Toledo! Chicago!

I’m reminded of the radio version of Huey Lewis’ “Heart of Rock’n'Roll,” which featured dubbed-in shout-outs to cities in local markets.

6:29PM “Think about that,” that America has jobs going unfilled because workers lack decent educations.

Is it a rallying cry to take on the teachers’ unions?

Um… no. Duh. What was I thinking?

6:30PM Community colleges should be “community career centers.”

Hearing the President of the United State talk about community colleges fills me with meh.

6:31PM Debbie Wasserman-Schultz looks bored. Her body man must have forgotten to hand her the crumpled piece of tinfoil before the show.

6:32PM “Teachers matter.” So let’s give schools more money. “In return for passion.”

“That’s a bargain worth making.”

Actually, that’s a crock of horseshit. But you knew that.

6:33PM Longer mandatory primary education? Why, we might have to hire more of those passionate teachers who aren’t preparing their kids for real-world jobs. It’s geeeeeenius!

6:34PM “It’s not enough to increase student aid.” “States must do their part” to spend even more money to increase student aid.

I’m so speechless I might have to turn in my blog and call it quits.

6:35PM DREAM Act time. Wake me when it’s over — I need the REM.

6:36PM “There are fewer illegal crossings” than when you took office, because there Are. No. Jobs.

6:37PM BTW, I’m no immigration hawk. I like Newt’s smaller DREAM-type plan. I like having a big, wide, welcoming gate — but there does need to be a gate.

6:38PM “Innovation is what America has always been about,” so let’s pass regulations to make more innovators.

I…

I have no words. This is the cheapest pandering I’ve seen in 30 years of watching cheap politicians.

6:38PM “Don’t let other countries win the race for the future!”

6:39PM A big promise to open more land & sea to oil production.

Great. Let’s approve some new refineries to go with it.

6:40PM More Solyndras, bitches! Give me more Solyndras!

6:40PM “We’ll be clean when the work is done. There’ll be Spandex jackets — one for everyone!”

6:42PM “I paid for your natural gas.” Give me more Solyndras. I got contributors with needs, people.

6:42PM I’m going to keep spending your money on my greenie friends.

6:43PM Where’s the plan to cut the deficit? Where is the promise to cut the regulations that are strangling job creation?

Everything tonight is spend, spend, spend — and we are broke. We are Greece broke.

6:44PM Wind farms on the Pentagon!

6:44PM Apparently, Navy ships are going to power our homes. Because that’s sane.

6:45PM Remember that the Democrats’ last plan to save energy move lightbulb production to China, to produce bulbs nobody wants.

6:46PM “During the Great Depression American built the Hoover Dam and the Golden Gate Bridge.”

Ten years after 9/11, Ground Zero still isn’t rebuilt.

6:47PM “Nation-building right here at home.”

The “peace dividend” is going to pay for an awful lot of stuff, especially since we’re still at war.

6:48PM Mortgage relief! “No more red tape!”

Because that’s what DC does best: Reduce costs and red tape.

6:48PM I don’t have a mortgage, so can I get a cash rebate, or maybe just a “World’s #1! Homeowner” coffee mug?

6:49PM “I’ve order every federal agency to remove regulations that don’t make sense.”

Do they get to choose them themselves? Because if so, good luck with that.

6:50PM Can a farmer choose his own health insurance without someone looking over his shoulder? Because that would be cool.

6:52PM “I will not back down from protecting our kids from mercury poisoning!” Unlike Mitt Romney, who was last seen pouring a mysterious silver liquid directly an inner-city public school’s milk supply.

6:52PM No more bailouts!*

(*Green companies, unions, favored industries, and Democratic constituencies excepted.)

6:53PM He’s going to hire Columbo to get medical on some… rich people or something.

6:54PM He says we’re looking to “pay down our debt.”

Folks, Obama doesn’t have a plan to reduce our permanent trillion-dollar deficits, much less pay down a cent of debt.

6:55PM “When it comes to the deficit, we’ve agreed to… make choices.”

6:55PM The guy who just proposed a bunch of loopholes in the tax code, is railing against loopholes in the tax code.

6:57PM “Tax reform should follow the Buffett Rule… no less than 30%.”

6:58PM “You can call this class warfare all you want,” but I’m going to tax the bejeebus out of some robber barons.

6:59PM “Our way of life will only endure,” if we tax the bejeebus out of some robber barons.

6:59PM “Nothing will get done in Washington this year.”

From your lips to God’s ears, Mr. President.

7:00PM “The corrosive influence of money in politics,” says the man dedicated to raising almost a billion dollars for his campaign.

7:02PM I want to tell the Senate how to conduct its business, because the separation of powers is so 19th Century.

7:03PM Is Obama really campaigning against the “permanent campaign?”

That’s so David Axelrod it hurts.

7:04PM ObamaCare is privatization! War is Peace! Slavery is Freedom! Drunkenness is Sobriety!

7:06PM We must be getting close to the end, because he’s talking war again.

See, open with his (Bush-centric) successes in the War on Terror, then bookend the awfulness with his (Bush-centric) successes in the War on Terror.

7:06PM Hillary looks tired and maybe drunk. Theories, anyone?

7:08PM “I will take no options off the table” to prevent Iran from getting nukes.

Positively Bushian!

7:08PM Con… Neocon… Obamacon?

Where’s Andrew Sullivan when you don’t need him?

7:09PM Oh, and we’re repositioning our forces against China, because of the resets and the peacemaking.

7:10PM “America remains the one indispensable nation to world affairs… and I intend to keep it that way.”

Assuming China remains willing to fund all the rest of my stuff.

7:12PM “We’ve increased annual VA spending every year I’ve been President.”

As opposed to the vicious cuts Obama made everyone else endure.

7:14PM Obama is soaking up the Osama killing — and he should. He could have called an airstrike and gotten an iffy result. Instead he called in the SEALs, who took names.

That was a good call.

7:17PM “No one built this country on their own… we worked as a team… we get each other’s backs… as long as we are joined in common purpose.”

Well, there’s a fundamental misunderstanding of market economics right there — and it was the big close of a guy desperately trying to restart the economy.

So… good luck with that then, Mr. President.

7:17PM You want a wrap? OK, give me just a couple minute, I’ll give you a wrap.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: drunk; sotu
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To: Kaslin

“Drunkblogging” reminded me of when I was working on a friend’s website site while drinking beer and watching football. Not a good combination. It took me the next three evenings to fix the damage!!


21 posted on 01/24/2012 9:19:59 PM PST by Hamilcar_Barca
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To: ncfool

Plus it’s a lead pipe cinch the sympathy vote guarantees a Dimocrap is elected to fill her seat.


22 posted on 01/24/2012 9:49:58 PM PST by pankot
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To: Kaslin

SOTU...I can sum it up in two words...IT SUCKS!!! Didn’t need an hour to get the message across, although it kinda ruins the idea of a drinking game for key words/phrases.


23 posted on 01/24/2012 10:42:10 PM PST by Conservative4Ever (Waiting for the new tagline to download)
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To: Kaslin
I have no words. This is the cheapest pandering I’ve seen in 30 years of watching cheap politicians.

I'm glad I didn't watch. I would not have been able to stomach it.

24 posted on 01/25/2012 12:01:16 AM PST by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Kaslin
6:06PM One more time, for the slow kids reading this. And by “slow kids,” I mean”Democrats, liberals, and damn-fool progressives.”

Payroll taxes are taxes you’ll get back tenfold, in the form of benefits. Income taxes — which you probably don’t pay, because you’re only marginally employable — pay for everything else Washington does, which means they’re mostly flushed down the toilet.

That's a keeper.

25 posted on 01/25/2012 4:24:40 AM PST by corlorde (Drone strikes: the preferred method of killing by Nobel peace prize winners since 2009)
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To: pankot

Her husband retired from NASA move to AZ and will run for her seat! Watch that happen.


26 posted on 01/25/2012 7:55:19 AM PST by ncfool (The new USSA - United Socialist States of AmeriKa. Welcome to Obummers world or Obamaville USSA.)
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