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Federal Reserve Bails Out Metallica Album
NewsMutiny ^ | November 11, 2008 | NewsMutiny

Posted on 11/11/2008 5:15:16 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

The Federal Reserve is leading a desperate struggle to prop up one of the recording industry's biggest and most well known artists as its latest release continues to languish on store shelves and internet retailer warehouses around the country.

Reminiscent of the flurry of bank buyouts conducted by the government in recent months, the Fed said it will pay Warner Brothers Records $30 million dollars for 2 million unsold copies of Metallica's new release "Death Magnetic" to buttress the label, whose exposure to a storm of criticism that the album sucks had led to a crisis in confidence that neither the company nor the band could remain viable.

"As heavily invested as they are in the group, a flop as monumental as 'Death Magnetic' was shaping up to be would not only spell the likely end to the triumphant career of America's most famous heavy metal band, but severely encumber the distribution of the work of other such celebrated Warner Brothers artists as Static-X, Paris Hilton and Larry the Cable Guy should the label fail, and that would be a real shame," said Charles Boddicker of The American Economist.

The decision to buy out what remains of what many consider the latest futile attempt by a group of pitiful old men to recapture the glorious but more than obviously fleeting synergy of their youthful musicianship has elicited an angry backlash from citizens across the country.

(Excerpt) Read more at newsmutiny.com ...


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Culture/Society; Government; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: bailout; fed; federalreserve; metallica
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To: Enchante
Soon the proposal will be to “bail out” all musical performers at the level of their best-ever sales, i.e., if they ever had a “Gold” or “Platinum” album then their current and future output must be govt-subsidized to that level, etc.

Groan. The Dixie Chicks come to mind. I'm sure they'd be happy to have some gubmint $$ for their tanked careers.

21 posted on 11/11/2008 5:46:58 PM PST by TXBlair ( Fort Hood LOVES its vets!!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

I though Death Magnetic was a pretty good album actually. It’s no Black Album or Ride the Lightning, and it’s infinately better than St. Anger.


22 posted on 11/11/2008 5:51:24 PM PST by Doohickey (The more cynical you become, the better off you'll be.)
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To: TXBlair

I expect the Dixie Sluts to receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom during the Obamessiah admin. and of course to receive honors at the Kennedy Center in DC.

Just watch, lots of the most fervent left-wing scumbags of recent years will be living high on the hog for a long time to come.


23 posted on 11/11/2008 5:52:00 PM PST by Enchante (Make Fox News come clean on the hoax attacks on Governor Sarah Palin!!!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

I think their new CD isn’t that bad. Definately WAY better than that last POS they put out 4-5 years ago.


24 posted on 11/11/2008 5:52:46 PM PST by diverteach (http://www.slapobama.com/)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
The decision to buy out what remains of what many consider the latest futile attempt by a group of pitiful old men to recapture the glorious but more than obviously fleeting synergy of their youthful musicianship has elicited an angry backlash from citizens across the country.

Angry backlash? You damn betcha!

If they want to toss bailout money to a "group of pitiful old men", where in hell were they with the bailout-bucks when Jerry Garcia needed them? Yeah, I'm pissed alright!

Deadheads rule! Y'all ain't seen "angry citizens" unless ya been mellow and listening to the Grateful Dead, then had a power outage kill the sound! /s

25 posted on 11/11/2008 6:08:10 PM PST by Don Carlos (You can touch a nun once or twice, but don't get in the habit.)
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To: Lazlar

They’re still a good band, but now we call them the Foo Fighters.


26 posted on 11/11/2008 6:20:12 PM PST by soupcon
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

At least their new record was more And Justice than it was Black album. Seems like they are moving more towards their old sound.


27 posted on 11/11/2008 6:22:17 PM PST by mysterio
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

I must be the only person in America that actually liked the S&M album. That would be the one where they were recorded live with the San Francisco Symphony. Definitely not their hardcore stuff, but musically well done in my opinion.


28 posted on 11/11/2008 6:45:32 PM PST by cyphergirl
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Who will bail out Starbuck’s?


29 posted on 11/11/2008 6:45:35 PM PST by enduserindy (I hope he proves us wrong. Really, I do.)
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To: enduserindy
I've got that one covered...
30 posted on 11/11/2008 6:49:47 PM PST by JasonC
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To: mysterio

I haven’t heard anything off the new album except “The Day That Never Comes” but I do agree that it shows somewhat of a return to their pre-”Black Album” sound.


31 posted on 11/11/2008 6:51:14 PM PST by hout8475
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To: randomhero97
"Lol. Metallica is unrecognizable after And Justice for All."

.....but the memory remains.
32 posted on 11/11/2008 6:57:25 PM PST by shibumi (...vampire outlaw of the milky way...)
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To: hout8475

I thought most of the album was more Justice. Some of the choruses had some Black album, though.


33 posted on 11/11/2008 7:00:12 PM PST by mysterio
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Tell the entire music industry to go out of business!!!!


34 posted on 11/11/2008 7:01:16 PM PST by dalereed
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To: shibumi

ROTFLOL!!!

YOU OWE ME A KEYBOARD!!!


35 posted on 11/11/2008 7:03:18 PM PST by El Conservador ("Liberalism is the application of childish emotion to complex issues." - MrB)
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To: El Conservador

I was just sitting here wondering how long it would take for someone to “get it.”

(Your new keyboard is in the mail - along with your slice of Rich Person Obamapie.)


36 posted on 11/11/2008 7:07:00 PM PST by shibumi (...vampire outlaw of the milky way...)
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To: Lazlar

bringing Nirvana back from the dead,


I’m sorry. I know most people worship them, however I don’t like feeling the need to commit suicide while listening to music.


37 posted on 11/11/2008 7:18:31 PM PST by CommieCutter (voted 6:45 am Johnson County, Indiana)
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To: mysterio

They should have never left their old sound. Once they tried to make adjustments to the 90’s rock-alternative sound I said see ya! A lot of people said no more after the Black Album.

It just blows my mind that their most die-hard fans think they’re today’s Led Zeppelin. I’d say the only comparison talent wise, would be Page/Hammett, and that’s IT.


38 posted on 11/11/2008 7:24:39 PM PST by CommieCutter (voted 6:45 am Johnson County, Indiana)
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To: mysterio

The one’s I really like are Garage Days Re-revisited, and Garage Inc. They’re really good at bashing out songs with little or no studio processing. It sounds so much better.


39 posted on 11/11/2008 7:54:55 PM PST by factoryrat (Better living through American Industrial Might.)
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To: factoryrat

Loved Garage Days re-revisited. I was eating those albums up in my early teenage years. Wasn’t so big on their 90s stuff, but by then, I had moved on to Nirvana, Alice in Chains, STP, and Soundgarden. Looking back now, Metallica were definitely in the pocket at least through Justice. The new record dives back into a bit of that, at least to me.


40 posted on 11/11/2008 8:00:46 PM PST by mysterio
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