Posted on 02/14/2008 6:25:05 AM PST by reaganaut1
About six months after my son was born, he and I were sitting on a blanket at the park with a close friend and her daughter. It was a sunny summer weekend, and other parents and their kids picnicked nearby—mothers munching berries and lounging on the grass, fathers tossing balls with their giddy toddlers. My friend and I, who, in fits of self-empowerment, had conceived our babies with donor sperm because we hadn’t met Mr. Right yet, surveyed the idyllic scene.
“Ah, this is the dream,” I said, and we nodded in silence for a minute, then burst out laughing. In some ways, I meant it: we’d both dreamed of motherhood, and here we were, picnicking in the park with our children. But it was also decidedly not the dream. The dream, like that of our mothers and their mothers from time immemorial, was to fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Of course, we’d be loath to admit it in this day and age, but ask any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she most longs for in life, and she probably won’t tell you it’s a better career or a smaller waistline or a bigger apartment. Most likely, she’ll say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a child).
(Excerpt) Read more at theatlantic.com ...
“Have a great life w your russian mail order wife....”
That’s my plan but I am thinking Ukrainian or Argentine.
Argentine are generally very pretty, but their tempers....
Whooo boy!
I lived in Panama for a few years so I have an idea about the tempers of latin-American women.
That HAS to be entertaining reading.
No excuses. The information is out there.
And fun to study, I might add.
Ouch. I was with you there at the start, but then it turned ugly.
I was with you through "food"!
Yikes, well there is that. Hope all turns out well.
Ah, well. That’s what makes life fun :-).
I was the one who let us get dragooned into doing the Spanish music for our church, but it’s reminded my husband why he learned to play the guitar - to do Spanish music - and how good he is at it. He’d gotten out of playing after the Scouts ate our life.
So are they worth the risk?
Some women LOVE men who work a lot, are really good at what they do, and love things that are boring - or boring to some people, not others. She got lucky.
You have no idea the reactions I've had from men to my post, incensed that I told my husband that we couldn't *afford* the bike.
Not that I didn't *like* it.
Not that I wanted to get something else.
The words "we can't afford it" weren't enough for them. The assumption was that I wanted him to let go of his Harley so I could have something *I* wanted.
Even if we didn't have a sick kid, the fact that a luxury item breaks the budget should be enough. I've seen men bankrupt their families for trucks, boats and bikes over and over again and every time it puzzles the crap out of me. When they get that "gleam in their eye" for something with a motor, it's all over. The suffering (first by the wife, then the kids... *finally* by the man) is incredible.
Don't get me wrong. Women have stereotypical stupid tricks as well. (They tend to make a thousand *small* stupid financial decisions to the guy's very big *one* stupid financial decision, but it usually balances out in the amounts. My favorite is the "Sale Shopper". She justifies buying things the family doesn't need by saying, "But it was on sale! What a great bargain!" The fact that she'd save even *more* money by buying *nothing* never occurs to her! Another justifies everything by saying that "it's for the house" or "it's for the kids" when it's obvious that the house and kids would survive just fine without it. Yes, the kids can walk in a $20 pair of shoes just as well as they can walk in a $75 pair of shoes... or better yet, go to the thrift store and spend $3! And *no* child needs more than 3 pair of shoes... ever.)
It took a long time for my husband to see that he was hurting his family by something that gave him so much fun. And now he's p*ssed at *himself* for taking so long to wake up. In my book, *he* is a real man for sacrificing for those he loves.
The only explanation I can think of for the visceral reaction of the good gentlemen here at FR to my post is that they're used to demanding females who force them to sacrifice everything *for* them and never give anything back.
But if you have a woman who has her 14 year old son cut her hair, who *never* goes out for fast food, who owns four pair of shoes, mends clothes and frequently sits *you* down with the family budget to get your opinion on where she could further cut the budget... and if she finally says, "your toy has got to go"... I don't give a *crap* of you have a sick kid or just a credit card that you're trying to kill, you sell the stupid *toy*! (You have no idea how many guys won't do it. Even when their families are living on rice and eggs, *they'll* still insist on a stupid steak. It's because they work so hard, you know?)
Not all women are selfish. Guys need to get that. Sometimes you *boys* have to grow up as well.
Slightly different situation. Of course I could never advocate holding on to an expensive item when your family has unmet basic financial needs.
The assumption was that I wanted him to let go of his Harley so I could have something *I* wanted.
Not really; the assumption - based, I think with some validity, on the tone of your post - was that you didn't understand or appreciate the value of that object to your husband, and expected him to give up his motorcycle so your family could take a nice trip to Disneyland or fund piano lessons for littly Johnny, because now that he's a responsible family man he should buck up and stop doing the stuff he enjoys.
Women don't really get the value of machinery to (some) men, just like men don't get women and shoes, purses, flowers or romance novels. For some guys, that motorcycyle/fast car/boat is the only thing left in their life that gives back far more than it demands, and never fails to put a smile on their face when they shift into 3rd, or get that chrome gleaming *just so*. Other guys nod and think, *cool* in a way that they just don't when you're packed into the minivan on the way to the soccer game.
And that's worth something, just that little bit of joy in a life otherwise packed to the roofbeams with responsibility and obligation.
The only explanation I can think of for the visceral reaction of the good gentlemen here at FR to my post is that they're used to demanding females who force them to sacrifice everything *for* them and never give anything back.
I'd say that's unfair, it was likely a reaction to the *honey this is the way its gonna be* tone of your post and a lack of appreciation for the gravity of your financial situation.
motorcycyle=motorcycle
eegad.
And that's exactly what I meant. Guys are used to women who put them last in all things. Sometimes this is truly based in fact, sometimes it's only a perception.
Women don't really get the value of machinery to (some) men, just like men don't get women and shoes, purses, flowers or romance novels. For some guys, that motorcycyle/fast car/boat is the only thing left in their life that gives back far more than it demands, and never fails to put a smile on their face when they shift into 3rd, or get that chrome gleaming *just so*. Other guys nod and think, *cool* in a way that they just don't when you're packed into the minivan on the way to the soccer game.
I get it. I really, really do. I know how I feel when I'm dressed smart with a cute, fresh haircut. It feel good. Validating.
But the reality is that we should be getting validation from our selves, not our *stuff*. We should be getting pride from how we feel when we look in the mirror. From knowing that we're solid, good, honorable people, worthy of respect. Not from a motor or from the quality of our shelter or from the crap we wear on our backs.
We only get over our obsession with stuff when one of two things happen: A person develops true self esteem and they don't need things to feel validated. (*True* self-esteem only develops when we're challenged and when we triumph. Then you *know* who you are and you like it.) OR a person looses something precious, gets a reality check and finally understands what's really important. Ask any parent who's lost a child how important a cool car is to them.
How dare you? ..... never get between a man and his Harley!!!!!
[just kidding, I’ve hardly ever been on a motorcycle and don’t care about them at all.........]
I know! Lord knows, a man isn't really a man unless he has expensive toys.
what blather......
well of course....but "settling" is merely acknowledging that you have run the table and this is what works best for you....that might mean a short man who is a mailman or a woman carrying a few extra pounds....in the long and short of it, ALL of that does not really matter....
its not wonder....you wore out your winky......
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.