Posted on 02/14/2008 6:25:05 AM PST by reaganaut1
About six months after my son was born, he and I were sitting on a blanket at the park with a close friend and her daughter. It was a sunny summer weekend, and other parents and their kids picnicked nearby—mothers munching berries and lounging on the grass, fathers tossing balls with their giddy toddlers. My friend and I, who, in fits of self-empowerment, had conceived our babies with donor sperm because we hadn’t met Mr. Right yet, surveyed the idyllic scene.
“Ah, this is the dream,” I said, and we nodded in silence for a minute, then burst out laughing. In some ways, I meant it: we’d both dreamed of motherhood, and here we were, picnicking in the park with our children. But it was also decidedly not the dream. The dream, like that of our mothers and their mothers from time immemorial, was to fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Of course, we’d be loath to admit it in this day and age, but ask any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she most longs for in life, and she probably won’t tell you it’s a better career or a smaller waistline or a bigger apartment. Most likely, she’ll say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a child).
(Excerpt) Read more at theatlantic.com ...
>>there is a significant difference with women who begat children in a marriage and a woman who begat a child because they wanted one, like buying a dog.
Very true. The writer of the article seems like someone to avoid at all costs. But in both cases, the selfishness was there, it is just that the writer’s is more apparent.
I feel very bad for my second cousins. They had to deal with a physically abusive biological father, then were lucky enough to be raised in a stable home, only to see their moms cast off that stability once they were in the military or off to college.
‘Many “old school males” of my acquaintance years ago, were quite forthright about their standard of beauty. I’ve had two very wonderful men both tell me about the girl they were dating, all of her good qualities, but lament the fact that she wasn’t not pretty enough for them.’
If a man knows a woman is not “wife material” for whatever reason, he should not continue to date her unless he tells her that marriage will never be in the cards. Then a self-respecting woman will stop dating him.
I read once that nowadays a big fraction of men, maybe 50%, want a woman in the hottest 5%. That’s just not realistic. My looks are average at best, and I married a woman who is pretty but no model. We are now blessed with three lovely children.
Wow. I could never have guessed...
:o)
Here’s what you said....
“No self respecting man wants to provide for the progeny of another. He won’t love the progeny of another the way that he loves his own. He won’t make the sacrifices for the progeny of another the way he will for his own.”
Which is not only a lie, but insulting to the legions of great adoptive, foster, and step parents who lay down their lives every day for their kids.
And so what if you got in a bad marriage?
Buck up!
Pull up your big boy underpants and get one with life.
It’s a new day.
Oh it’s something to factor into the equation no doubt at all.
But to here this guy whining on is pathetic.
Hey!
My adopted daughter is a shrink(via the GI Bill)want her to come by and set you straight?
One of the best posts I have read here in almost 8 years. Kudos.
Ah yes, let's crush any avenue he has bond with other males and get away from your nagging ass.
Am I a naggy wife? Not at all. He's laid down the law just as often in my direction. Last week, although I run the finances, he told me (in no uncertain terms) that he wanted me to start putting money into a mutual fund for retirement.
So what were you blowing all "your" money on?
*to bond*
LoL.
Do you give him an allowance so he can by a can of soda to complement his weekday brown bagged bologna sandwich?
The proof is how irate and defensive you have become.
You are certainly welcome to send your psychologist daughter by, and I will set her straight as well.
The ex-wife is nothing but a long distant memory but an instructive reference point.
The point here, is that women who intentionally have bastard children should be shamed, derided and pointed to as the model of how NOT to live.
I don't blow *his* money. I see every dollar as minutes of his life's work. His life means everything to me. Thus, I cherish every cent. I can turn a chicken into four complete dinners and I shop at thrift stores. (If you count keeping our chronically ill child alive as a waste of money, I guess I "blow" quite a bit.)
I do this because I love him and I know he earns money as an expression of love for me and our family. To throw that money away, to squander it, would be to spit in his face. I would never do that.
He gets everything he asks for, as do I. We both care enough about our family to only ask for a minimum. Right now, we can't afford to maintain a luxury motorcycle and still keep our kid breathing. I highly doubt that my husband is so petty as to resent that choice.
See, I married a *good* man who actually loves his children. As I have nothing of value (diamonds, fancy car, etc) I have nothing to sacrifice. I'm a realist who's never *asked* for a luxury item. If I possessed such a thing, I'd let it go to care for my son in a minute... just as my husband has done.
How is any of that weird or wrong? Kid dying = sell the stupid bike. Kid fine and healthy = enjoy your bike/car/diamonds/etc. It's called life. Gah.
Right now I'm trying to balance an impossible budget and he wants me to start investing in retirement. I see the wisdom of that and now I have to squeeze blood from a stone. It's killing me, but I'm going to try my damnedest to do it because I know he's right. This is an example of two people killing themselves to make a difficult situation work out in the long run. I see no martyrs here.
Keep throwing your tantrums....
Maybe you’ll convince yourself....
Snicker!!!!
I hope not. I think I am not “anyone.” I am well educated, dress nicely, am interesting, am published, and I have a lot more to offer than arrogant backward baseball capped doofuses who talk ghetto in bars.
Wow....you think alot of yourself that’s for sure.....I would think you very high unatainable expectations....at least it sounds like it.
I read this whole article and it is refreshing because it highlights the damage the feminist movement has done to relationships, marriage, and women in general.
Sure, I think my wife settled for me in a way. I am not the most romantic. I work a lot of hours. I have interests that bore her. I have different interests altogether. I may not be as spry and athletic as I once was. I may have a disassociated listening capability to her problems.
But
I am home at night. I help around the house. I am a father to my child. I can cook my own dinner. We live comfortably. I don’t have bad addictions. I don’t have regrets. I appreciate everything she does.
They also make us guys all confused as to what to expect, or better put, how to treat a date - are we going too fast, going too slow, what is right? All my married friends, male and female, say that they feel for me out in the dating scene and would not want to switch places (theoretically).
That is how YOU interpret it, ma’am. YOU put me on the defensive. Why are they unattainable? I think a woman with a failed marriage behind her and a few kids are more likely to stay alone than a guy with no baggage, no failed marriages behind him.
I think a lot of myself? HOLD on, YOU said I should marry a foreigner because THEY WOULD MARRY ANYONE. I mean, how dare you say that. I am NOT “anything.” That is what YOU said and I am countering your crass statement. I think HIGH about myself because I worked hard all my damned life, to be independent and self sufficient. YOU got on your high horse and I am calling you on it.
My standards are not unattainable. I date beautiful women all the time. I was out with a 10 for Valentines Day. Oh by the way she is all American, born in the good ol’ USA. Shoots down your theory huh?
Oh my. Check your mail in a few days.
I’m a busy man.
I am very happy for you, that you had a date with a 10....
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