Parents Cherish Photos of Stillborn Babies

Newhouse News ^ | 4/20/2006 | Susan Glaser

[wideawake]

That part of the article put me off. Such photos are for the parents I would think, not for any random visitor.

A random visitor, seeing photos of a newborn, would probably politely ask: "How cute! How old is he now? What's his name?" etc. and the inevitable answer would make the visitor just feel like dirt, no matter how the answer was handled.

[chs68]

I'm a volunteer hospital chaplain.

I sat in an Emergency Room recently with a young father who held one of two twins.

The twin that the father held had been still-born.

I remember him telling me that he wanted a few minutes to hold his daughter. Because, he said, he would never have that chance.

So I completely understood when he told me that he wanted to have a picture or two of this daughter he would never know.

[wideawake]

I had a Chiropractor tell me my daughter would have lived if I had taken her into him for a 'chiropractic adjustment' -- and to this day I am amazed I did not remove his skull from his neck.

W T F ? ! ?

That would have been justifiable homicide, in my opinion.

[Blogger]

I have a hard time even looking at the website.

[elc]

Thank you for making me tear up!

No, really, as a woman just days (hopefully) away from giving birth, I can completely understand the desire for pictures if something were to happen to my baby. I cherish the 3D photos I have, but I think I'd really want some of us holding her in our arms.

[Abby4116]

One friend whose baby was stillborn was not even allowed to see the baby when it was delivered and for years and years she was so saddened by that fact.

We lost an infant son at 3 days of age. He was taken to one of the early NICU's at another hospital immediately after birth. I never saw him alive nor do I have any pictures of him. The only time I saw him was at his funeral and no one thought to take a picture. So I think this is a wonderful idea.

[arizonarachel]

Having lost a baby during early pregnancy, I can assure you that I wanted nothing more than to cling to any memory I had of my baby boy. I had nothing, though. I would do this.

[pollyannaish]

I think it is healthy as long as it doesn't take over the rest of one's life and remains in a balanced context.

Loosing a child is really tough. No matter how young it is.

[3AngelaD]

Oh my heavens this is the saddest thing I have read in ages, it makes me want to cry.

[ToryHeartland]

We have the same, just an ultrasound photo of our child that just didn't make it past 12 weeks.

We have been blessed with two healthy thriving children, but we will never forget the one we lost. And yes, just having the ultrasound picture helps somehow. Maybe if you haven't been through it, you can't really understand.

[Mercat]

I guess you have to be Catholic or something. It's the open verses closed casket thing. I'm big on open caskets but I know my sister in law about had a fit when the minister at the cemetery asked that the casket with my father in law in it be opened one last time (it had been closed at the church ceremony) so that the family could say goodbye. At my father's funeral, casket opened, all were invited to go up and say goodbye and in the case of the grandchildren and children, put something in the casket. I put a rosary, the grandchildren put a family photo. just a cultural thing. I didn't throw myself in the grave or anything.

[KosmicKitty]

If a loved one of yours died, would you want pictures of them right after they died?

But, these parents didn't have a chance for a picture of a living child.

I've lost 3, only have an ultrasound of one - I totally understand, even though they were never born, they were still my children and still very much loved!!

[heartwood]

I looked at the website - I did cry. How heartbreaking.

[Blogger]

I concede that. I haven't lost a child. But I think such a vivid reminder would be very difficult to continually relive. In life, we have pain, but we can't live there.

[elc]

I believe Sen. Santorum and his wife had pictures taken with their baby that died after being born prematurely. I haven't read her book, but I do remember reading that somewhere.

[OldFriend]

So sorry for your loss.

The idea of the picture is perfect. It makes the experience of the pregnancy, the hopes and dreams, and the loss so much more bearable.

I counselled a young woman whose baby had no chance for survival. Her family did not want her to go to the hospital to see him but I advised otherwise.

Later her doctor told me that it was in her best interest to go see her baby, touch him, and talk to him. It eased her pain after he died.

[SJSAMPLE]

Exactly.
It wasn't a "fetus" or "fetal tissue".
These children have names and should be remembered for the children they were.

[TrogdortheBurninator]

That's the point, you have nothing to remember these kids by; no memories, no pictures, just the hurt. I think it's healthy for these women to be channeling the pain into optimism. If they were too hard to look at, i don't think they would put the pictures up. But this recognizes that these babies are really people, who played a part, however small, in our lives.

[mr_hammer]

This very sad event happened my wife and I 20 years ago. My parents insisted we take pictures, thank God they did.

Undoubtedly one of the worst times of my life, but this tragic event has made us better parents today.

[TrogdortheBurninator]

But that's when people still had a healthy opinion of Death, not the fear that we have today!