Posted on 10/21/2004 7:57:36 PM PDT by TwoBear
"Annoy a Liberal," the bumper sticker said, "Work. Succeed. Be Happy."
The unexpected epiphany amid Sevier County traffic on a tourist-saturated October day brought a smile to my face. The sticker was on a pickup, not a hybrid. The driver wore a baseball cap, not a beret. He drank coffee, not a latte. He ate a biscuit, not a croissant. There was no windsurfing equipment in his truck.
My mind whirled with other ways to annoy a liberal. Watch Fox. Listen to Rush. Drive an SUV. Buy a gun. Shoot game instead of skeet. Grow, smoke or chew tobacco. Pray. Publicly. In a school. Or a courthouse.
Say the Pledge of Allegiance and emphasize "UNDER GOD." Watch NASCAR instead of PBS. Listen to WIVK or WDVX instead of NPR. Be a guilt-free stay-at-home mom. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Live the American dream. Without apologies.
"Americans have consistently believed that hard work is the key to individual success," writes Harvard academic Samuel Huntington, in his book "Who Are We? The Challenge to America's National Identity." Liberals decry "two Americas" in which the privileged few have hope and the rest are doomed.
Liberals would deem it impossible that the son of a textile mill worker, through hard work, could succeed at college and law school, make millions, be elected to the U.S. Senate and run for vice-president. Whoops, John Edwards defies his own demagoguery.
Liberals are acutely annoyed when conservatives are happy. But life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are more attainable today than ever. Gregg Easterbrook, in his 2003 book "The Progress Paradox: How Life Gets Better While People Feel Worse," writes, "On the first day of the twenty-first century, President Bill Clinton declared that Western society had 'never before enjoyed, at once, so much prosperity combined with so much social progress.' This statement was not just politics; objectively it is true."
You wouldn't know it from listening to the left. Liberal pundits and politicians complain that only 96,000 Americans found new jobs last month and only 1.5 million new jobs have been created in 2004 while they ignore the reality that the unemployment rate is less now than at the end of Clinton's first term.
Easterbrook explains, "In contemporary Western politics, the party out of power drastically exaggerates all negative trends while denying all positive developments, in hopes of creating voter anger and getting them back into power."
There are other ways to annoy liberals besides working, succeeding and being happy. When liberals wail about the outsourcing of American jobs, remind them it was Clinton who signed NAFTA in 1993. Immediately tell them that H. J. Heinz - the company that helped pay for those five Kerry mansions - owns or leases 93 factories and 69 of those factories are outside the United States. Then shout, "Ms. Kerry, bring those jobs home!"
Undoubtedly, the war in Iraq will surface if you've successfully annoyed a liberal. When they mention Iraq, point out John Kerry's fervent support of abortion. When they talk about innocent lives lost, inform them that the death toll of unborn children by abortion in one week is greater than the death toll in Iraq.
If they bring up Abu Ghraib, illuminate Kerry's support for partial-birth abortion, about which U.S. District Judge Richard Casey recently wrote, "The Court finds that the testimony at trial and before Congress establishes that (partial-birth abortion) is a gruesome, brutal, barbaric, and uncivilized medical procedure."
When liberals whine about No Child Left Behind, annoy them with facts; President Bush is spending 50 percent more on education than Clinton. When they mope about the plight of the poor, enlighten them that Bush's Samaritan Initiative seeks to end chronic homelessness within the decade. Explain that the Women, Infants and Children federal nutrition program is funded at the highest level in history.
Mention that Bush's Faith-Based and Community Initiatives has allocated over $1 million to Knoxville and the region to empower dozens of community organizations that work with at-risk youth, the elderly poor, welfare-to-work needy and ex-offenders and to initiate a new program to mentor children whose parents are incarcerated. Liberals are especially annoyed when conservatives are compassionate.
Yes, there are countless ways to annoy a liberal. But the thing that annoys them the most? The thought of four more years.
Greg Johnson is an East Tennessee native who was a liberal until he grew up, got a job and started paying taxes. His e-mail address is jgregjohnson@hotmail.com.
I went to a famousl liberal private university and I tell my friends, liberal all of them, that I want my son to be an Eagle Scout someday and grow up and have the courage of Ollie North and the faith and perseverance of Ken Starr. You should see the looks on their faces.
Gregg Easterbrook, in his 2003 book "The Progress Paradox: How Life Gets Better While People Feel Worse,"
I highly recommend this book. Another great one that your library might have is "It's Getting Better All the Time" by Stephen Moore.
Send him your kudos. His email is at the bottom of the article.
Tell them your going to the Indian Reservation
Tell them we've won the war and are cleaning up the Terrorist Scum
Tell them America is the Greatest Country in the history of the World
Tell them Homosexual men have a 1 in 4 chance of "catching" HIV in 10 years
Pray for W and Our Troops
Donate To Goosed Goose For Truth!
Be me! That usually manages it.
Tell your gay nextdoor neighbor the mosquitos from his pond gave you aids.
Tell the drug dealer across the street that marijuana is illegal and you are the president of the neighborhood drug watch.
Ask your local bookie if he wants to make a donation to the National Right to Life Committee.
Lay a bible on your desk at work.
Wear a handgun in a shoulder holster and explain to any one asking that it is a condition of your license that you may not conceal the weapon.
Wear the holster while performing all the other tasks
for maximum effectiveness.
Give straight yes or no answers without "nuance".
Put a God bless America on the bumper of your SUV.
Drive through town with a bagged deer strapped to the hood of your pick up truck and a gun in the gun rack while smoking a cigarette with the window rolled down and listening to Toby Keith sing that boot in your ass song.
In our local paper in middle Tennessee, they have a whole bunch of liberal columnists and just one conservative and it says right below his name, Conservative Columnist. But not a word letting you know the rest are liberal.
Listen to Rush Limbaugh and tell them something funny he said.
BTTT
Greg Johnson ROCKS, and writes pretty well to boot!
Tell them the truth.
Buy a dog...Name it Dubya...Invite all your liberal friends over (if you have any)Keep saying: Hereee Dubya! Come here Dubya!
Great results from that invitation...bump and thanks!
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