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One of my many problems with the faith or Faith (whichever mode I happen to be in) is that Catholic heaven doesn't sound very happy to me. This that you posted sounds pretty good generally, but being totally conformed to God's will, it doesn't sound like we'll have any freedom (not to do evil) and will have to do everything robotlike. That's the impression I get.

With some of the naturalistic ideas of protestant heaven, of perfect happiness with family and loved ones in beautiful surroundings (I'm not sure where Jesus and angels and saints fit in here), there are aspects of this sort of heaven that are more appealing.

I'm not meaning to be contentious; it's a real problem I have had trying to convert from protestant ideas of heaven to catholic ideas of heaven.

To make matters really agonizing for me, all my family members and almost all my ancestors for generations were not catholic. Mostly they were very decent people, but my parents died in what catholics would consider mortal sin. Loving my parents dearly and knowing they were better parents than many catholics would have been, I'm very torn over this.

Since I can't resolve these and other difficulties, I don't like to think about religion much any more and it does not comfort me like it does others. Actually it terrorizes me, fearing what may await me and my loved ones in the next life. I don't know any other souls who struggle with these things. Catholics seem very laid back about their place in heaven and protestants, no matter how combative, are assured of their salvation.

It leaves me feeling resentful of people who take their faith and assurance of a good place in the afterlife as a given. They may have worries but that doesn't seem to be one of them.

I don't think I have any words of comfort to offer you, but for what it's worth, I go through this, too. Some descriptions of heaven sound like a hive to me; when I'm in a grumbling mood, I'll say to myself, "If I wanted to be collectivized, I'd move to Cuba." When I get this way, I've learned to ask myself, what's going on in the relationship? Once I shift my focus back to the reasons I love Him, it becomes easy to see that I can count on Him to make heaven okay in the end, no matter how awful it sounds when people talk about it here in this life.

By the time we get to heaven, we will have been purified of all evil tendencies - either through our sufferings on earth or in Purgatory. Nothing (no one) unclean can enter heaven or be in the Father's presence. Now this will not mean we do not have free will, but that our wills will have been perfectly conformed to God's Will. And, in a sense, after seeing and knowing God we will not even consider sinning.

Also in heaven we will be completely fulfilled by the knowledge that we are loved, and fully capable of loving in return. There will be nothing lacking.

If heaven were going to be like earth where people can choose evil, then I don't want to go there... this is enough. Hope this helped - too tired to explain any better.

With regard to your parents... The Catholic Church also teaches that we cannot judge another's soul. That would include your parents. We can discern, yes, that they were in "mortal sin", but only God can weigh all factors (including their level of knowledge/understanding and/or any mitigating factors). God is also All-Merciful, and if at all possible He would have saved your parents as long as they had not completely rejected him. It is very likely they are in purgatory, and if so, they need your prayers!

On the other hand it is a grave error to say that one's Salvation "is assured". That is the sin of presumption (Catholic teaching) and goes squarely against Scripture on the matter (read St. Paul - he says quite the opposite). We have to "fight the good fight", because at any moment we can fall from God's grace by choosing evil over Him.

But please, trust in God's Mercy and commend your parents souls to Him. It is not Catholic teaching to say they are in hell. You might want to purchase a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church to see exactly what is taught on these matters. It's actually quite comforting! ;)

**I'm not meaning to be contentious; it's a real problem I have had trying to convert from protestant ideas of heaven to catholic ideas of heaven.**

Where did you get this notion? I think, once we get to heaven, we will all bask in eternal happiness.

But remember, not even the Protestants (or the Catholics, for that matter) are assured of heaven.

**It leaves me feeling resentful of people who take their faith and assurance of a good place in the afterlife as a given. They may have worries but that doesn't seem to be one of them.**

"Trust in the Lord." You need not worry if you put your faith in Jesus Christ!