Posted on 08/09/2014 10:24:08 AM PDT by Gamecock
Full Title: Tips For Hospital Visiting, Here are some tips to help you when you're engaged in hospital visitation
______________________________________
Recently I was re-reading Brian Croft’s great little book, Visit the Sick: Ministering God’s Grace in Times of Illness, and thought I’d put together a few of his tips with some of my own gathered over 20 years of hospital visitation with the hope that it might encourage more of this ministry among Christians. Remember this is not something just for pastors and it also enters into our assessment at the final judgment: “I was sick and you visited me” (Matt. 25:36).
Practice self-denial: Hospital visits are not the most inviting prospects for most of us but love for suffering people must overcome love for our own comfort.
Believe in the simple power of presence: Hospitalized Christians can sometimes feel abandoned by God and very lonely. Don’t underestimate how much your mere physical presence can mean to them.
Don’t worry about what to say: That fear of “What will I say?” deters lots of people from hospital visits. But you don’t need to say a lot. In fact, silence often communicates more than our words. You can speak of Christ’s sufferings and of how He empathizes with us, and also share His care and compassion for the sick. And remember the promise of James 1:5.
Communicate with body language: Come down to their level and sit close (not on the bed) rather than at a distance. Don’t let your eyes wander all over the room but focus on the person. Use appropriate physical touch especially with older people and children.
Ask questions: Don’t ask all of these – this is not an interrogation.
-How are you feeling? What are you thinking?
-How is this affecting you? Spiritually, emotionally, socially?
-What are your fears /hopes?
-How are you struggling? Any area you would like to share?
-What are you praying for?
-Have you had any encouragements in the Word?
-How is your family?
-What good can you see coming out of this?
-Are you ready to die and meet God?
-Do you have questions for me?
-What can the church do to minister to you at this time and assist you with your needs?
-Is there anyone you would especially like to visit you?
Don’t talk about yourself: This is not the time for telling all about your medical history.
Empathize: Entering the person’s world, thinking his thoughts and feeling his feelings, is more important than questioning him all about his procedures, etc. People can tell if we are really loving them or just there out of a sense of duty.
Be Gentle: Use quiet, soothing, tender voice in all your dealings with sick people. This is not the time for your preaching voice.
Prepare to be shocked (but don’t show it): Prepare so that you will not be visibly, bodily, or audibly shocked by color, weight loss, face changes, pipes (just for Dan, I mean tubes not bagpipes), smells, sounds, etc. It’s frightening how quickly someone can change appearance through cancer and its treatments.
Respect the rules of the hospital and the family’s wishes: Observe visiting hours and don’t hinder medical staff in their work. Ask the family when best to visit and for how long. If no guidance, then assume 5-10 minutes average unless asked to stay longer and you are sure it will not tax the person.
Go hopefully: Times of sickness can be times of spiritual opening – even with people who have never received or have even opposed the Gospel message. Especially with terminal illness, this is not the time for small-talk and cracking of jokes. Keep eternity in view and approach the task with a sense of great urgency.
Go to learn: Go not just as a teacher but as a student. A Christian’s hospital bed can be like a little seminary. It is a great privilege to help saints through suffering and on to death. It sensitizes us as well as sanctifies us.
Encourage Witness: If the person is a Christian, and if she is able, encourage her to speak of Jesus to her family, her caregivers, and her fellow patients.
Remember the family: At times it may be the loved ones who you will minister to most. Remember the children especially and go out of your way to speak kindly to them.
Thanksgiving: Even when there is much suffering, always try to find reasons for thanksgiving, for small mercies along the way, for advances in medical technology, etc.
Read Scripture: Usually not a full chapter but verses from one of the following passages: Psalm 23; 28; 34; 46; 62; 103; 145; Isa. 40; John 10; John 14; Romans 5; Romans 8; 1 Corinthians 15; 2 Corinthians 1; Hebrews 4:14-16, 2 Corinthians 5:17-21; Eph. 2:1-10;; James 1:2-4; 1 Pet. 1:6-7; 4:12-19; Phil. 1:21-23; 1 Pet. 1:3-5; Rev. 21-22.
Heaven: Keep the suffering or dying Christian’s eyes on heaven and the world where there is no sin, suffering, or death (Rev. 21:4; 22:1-2).
REMEMBER: This is a caucus. NO DISCUSSING OTHER FAITH GROUPS.
Does that mean Catholics and Protestants can attack each other, but have to leave everybody else alone?
My eyes misread.
Sorry
This isn’t theological. My general rule of thumb is that if somebody is seriously ill tell them you’re only going to be there for a few minutes. The more ill the shorter the time. It’s important to show your concern but not to wear them out, and, believe me, just your being there will wear them out. So, visit as frequently as seems appropriate for the relationship and as briefly as their condition indicates.
For somebody in good physical and mental condition, but bed ridden, bring a game they’d like to play and stay as long as they’re enjoying it, but still not more than an hour unless they ask for more time.
I was just in the hospital for nine days after I ran too hard for too long and my sodium dropped to dangerously low levels. Sometimes, people are in the hospital for things they will recover from fully and they’re just going through lengthy monitoring. I appreciated long visits to ease the boredom. The only thing that bugged me were the “OMG! You could have died!” remarks. I mean, I could have, but I preferred focusing on the fact that I survived. But most people were positive and encouraging.
The nursing home is a part of the retirement community my parents have lived in for over 10 years. My Dad has many friends there, and, from outside the home too--as they are in the same area where he spent his career and lived for 65+ years. My folks were very active in their Church too....yet, they are lucky if one person (an assigned Deacon) comes once a quarter.
It's an extremely NICE nursing home too, no bad smells, very clean, well maintained, polite staff, etc. etc....
It's just incredibly SHAMEFUL though how few will visit this very kind, friendly, gregarious, non-Altheimers man....and his friends just seem to be waiting for him to die. I will bet Dad will have a large funeral too, as he (was) very beloved, at least before paralysis of his legs put him in the nursing home.... I wonder if I will ask all the people who will show up for his funeral, offering all their care and sympathy--WHY DIDN'T YOU CARE ENOUGH TO SEE HIM WHEN HE WAS ALIVE????
All I can say is that people are cowards when it comes to hospital/nursing home visits. Speaks very poorly of the love that Christians are commanded to show one to another.
A man I worked with but barely knew, as I was a new employee, got hepatitis C. One day I called him just to find out how he was doing and I discovered that none of his work buddies he’d known for 20 years had called or visited. I told them that he wanted visitors. Although they hungrily asked for information on him none would go visit. So, I called twice a week and on Thursday’s after lunch I’d go visit for an hour so his wife could run out and take care of stuff as he needed constant care. I finally shamed a few of his “friends” into visiting occasionally. Finally, I found out that none of them could deal with the fact that he was dying and that, therefore, they might one day die.
We’d been talking about the latest movie to come out Terminator 2. That Thursday I talked him into going. By this time he smelled badly as he was deteriorating. I carried him into the theater. We had the place to ourselves. He enjoyed himself immensely. His wife told me he talked about nothing else when she got home. He died a day or so later.
I’ve since spent much time with dying acquaintances as they are practically abandoned by their friends. It’s not hard. If there’s nothing to talk about just sit there and watch TV with them or read. They appreciate the company and it gives their care givers a rest.
Yes, I’ve read that in the earliest years of the Church, the Romans called Christians a people who “never died alone.” Typically dying people in the ancient world would be literally abandoned (as there were almost no hospitals) due to the terror pagans have of death.
The extra bad thing though with my Dad’s friends are, he is NOT dying...rather, in spite of his legs, is quite a healthy 92 year old.
My mother faithfully stays with him every single day—but his pious Christian friends, who visited regularly when he lived on a nice farm....stay away.
I was in a similar situation. Hospital stays greatly disturb one's normal rhythms. Many times I found myself awake at two in the morning in a quiet, dimly-lit hospital room with nothing to do but watch the clock.
On most days it was impossible to have too many visitors or too long a visit. When we are well we can choose among the many activities that we enjoy. Being confined to a hospital bed, we have few if any choices. Visitors provide an entertaining break that allows one to get lost in the thoughts of others and provides a rest from our own challenges.
I was also struck by how often a visitor would comment on how great I looked. I could only conclude that I looked absolutely terrible at first and must be mending satisfactorily. You know you have been through a great trial when even the doctors make this comment.
In many of today’s churches there is no place for death.
There are no more funerals.
All of this detracts from happy and clappy.
Listen to what the suffering say. Ask them to tell you something about themselves in such a way that they actually make themselves feel better. If they can't speak, share a story about something that is real in your life, and uplifting; phoniness is onerous so avoid it. If they can't speak and you run out of news and stories that helps them bear their burden, just sit with them and keep watch.
Oops, didn’t notice this was a caucus thread, although I didn’t write anything contentious. I’ll bow out though, just in case.
It comes full circle when you're there yourself, as I was four years ago to have a tumor removed from my brain case, and another time when I almost died from dehydration.
This is super advice, not often given, to print out and share with other church pals!
BKMK
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.