Talk Like A Pirate Day In The Confessional

The Ironic Piratical Catholic ^ | September 19, 2006 | The Ironic Catholic

[Alex Murphy]

Let's be honest, pirates way back when had a lot to confess. Not a vocation in keeping with the dignity of the human person, shall we say.

In honor of International Talk Like A Pirate Day: a pirate goes to confession.

Pete the Pirate: Ahoy, forgive me, Father, for I have been a bleedin' bilge rat. Aye, it's been 10 years now since me last confession.

Priest: Go on, me scurvy dog.

Pete: Well, Father, I've been pillagin' ships and stealin' gold me whole adult life, and am well acquainted with the grog.

Priest: Go on now.

Pete: And Father, the wenches...let's say thar hast been many a lass caboodlin' in the anchorhold outside of the weddin' march.

Priest: Blimey, me son! Ye should be walkin' the plank for that one.

Pete: Aye, tis a sad situation....so here it be: Aye, me God, I am heart'ly sorry fur havin' offended ye, and I detest me sins-- b'cos I fear losin' me Heaven, an' don't want to be marooned in Hell-- but most of all they offend ye, me God, Ye who are a right fine God, and deservin' of all the doubloons I could give ye and then more. Aye, so I smartly resolve, wit' the help of your grace, to heave to my sins, to keelhaul my soul, an' to make right me scurvy life. Amen.

Priest: Me son, go in peace. Swab yer poopdeck for yer penance and sin no more.

Pete: Thank ye, Father. (exiting confessional: "Yo ho ho...God is a right merciful laddie.")

Ahem: Don't try this at home. Hopefully this inspired you to do a true confession. In fact, I may need to do one now.

[Alex Murphy]

Aye, me God, I am heart'ly sorry fur havin' offended ye,
and I detest me sins--
b'cos I fear losin' me Heaven,
an' don't want to be marooned in Hell--
but most of all they offend ye, me God,
Ye who are a right fine God,
and deservin' of all the doubloons I could give ye and then more.
Aye, so I smartly resolve,
wit' the help of your grace,
to heave to my sins,
to keelhaul my soul,
an' to make right me scurvy life.
Amen.

[rusty schucklefurd]

that was good!

[married21]

That’s great. Would you find if I posted it on my FaceBook?

[married21]

‘mind’ not ‘find’.

[Twinkie]

Shiver me timbers, me hearty! Sadly cannot top that confession at the moment.

[RitchieAprile]

http://talklikeapirate.com/translator.html

[koinonia]

LOL. But truly God's mercy is for everyone, even pirates, if they are truly sorry for their sins and resolved not to offend Him, with the help of His grace, otherwise it's just a mockery of God and offends Him all the more.

After all, Jesus did give power to forgive sins in His Name to the Apostles who were not perfect: "Receive ye the Holy Ghost. Whose sins you shall forgive, they are forgiven them; and whose sins you shall retain, they are retained." (Jn 20:22-23)