Posted on 12/04/2009 8:17:59 AM PST by Alex Murphy
THE Christians have been waiting a while and it's finally happened.
Rejoice, my earnest and well-meaning if misguided and deluded brothers! Jesus Christ has returned to earth ... as a stain on the bottom of an iron belonging to an American woman from Massachusetts in the US.
Why the son of God chose the iron of Mary Jo Coady upon which to make his triumphant return hasn't really been established, but Mary Jo is rapt.
She says the resemblance reassures her that 'life is going to be good' and that it proves 'he's listening'.
I'm no theological expert, as you know, but I wouldn't be too sure about that.
I was pretty certain that most Christians were of the view that when Jesus came back to earth, he was going to be in a 'kickin' ass and takin' names' kind of mood, which may not bode well for Mary Jo's delicates.
Being on the bottom of an iron and at the mercy of Mary Jo Coady's laundry schedule may make smiting the unrighteous a tad difficult, but I'm confident He knows what He's doing.
I'm sure the sceptics will ask: ''What was she ironing just before Jesus appeared? The Shroud of Turin, perhaps? Or a Grateful Dead T-shirt?''
There is also the thorny issue to consider of what Jesus actually looked like.
Given he was born in the Middle East 2000 years ago, it would seem fair to assume he was quite short, dark-skinned and semitic and didn't look anything like the pale, six-foot-tall blonde-haired surfer dude we've become used to.
The cynical might say that if the Middle Eastern-looking Jesus did come back to earth and landed in the United States, shouting about sin and God and whatnot, he would have been bundled off to Guantanamo Bay and waterboarded within five minutes.
But I'm prepared to put these concerns aside and accept that Jesus is an iron.
I mean, why not?
Though I have been dudded before. I leapt on the bandwagon a few years ago when some guy in New Mexico claimed to have seen Jesus on his toasted burrito, but that eventually only led to disappointment.
It seemed a bit unlikely, really, now I look back on it.
The problem with coming back as a burrito, or a taco, or even a hamburger, is twofold. One, the fast food aficionado that buys you may be an atheist or may not notice you there while he wolfs you down and we don't want to go any further with what may happen after that.
The second is, your convenience foods just don't last too long.
And nothing turns religious converts off quicker than a God whose mayonnaise has started to turn.
The Christians have been waiting a while and it's finally happened. Rejoice, my earnest and well-meaning if misguided and deluded brothers! Jesus Christ has returned to earth ... as a stain on the bottom of an iron belonging to an American woman from Massachusetts in the US....
....I'm sure the sceptics will ask: ''What was she ironing just before Jesus appeared? The Shroud of Turin, perhaps? Or a Grateful Dead T-shirt?''
FESTIVAL OF APPARITIONS:
Pretzel Madonna
Funyun Madonna
Chocolate Madonna
Agate Stone Madonna
Tree stump Madonna
Madonna inside a bar of soap
Madonna in a Grilled Cheese Sandwich
Madonna in a Grilled Cheese Sandwich, part 2
Madonna in a Grill
Madonna in a Steam Iron
Madonna in a Beach Pebble
Madonna in a football-sized rock
Madonna the Kudzu vine
Madonna in a Road Overpass Water Stain
Madonna in a Road Overpass Water Stain, part 2
Madonna on a Hospital Window, fading from view
Madonna on a Samoan church wall, promoting safe driving
Madonna on a Samoan church wall, promoting safe driving warning of an earthquake
Madonna and Jesus in Pancake
Cheetos Jesus
Jesus on a Consecrated Wafer, at a Hospital Chapel
Jesus on a Laundry Room Door
Jesus in a Hospital Window
Jesus on a foggy truck window
Jesus in an MRI
Jesus on a Hillside
Jesus the Kudzu vine
Jesus in a Ukraine factory wall stain
Jesus in a Seat Cushion
Jesus on the bottom of a Steam Iron, pt 1
Jesus on the bottom of a Steam Iron, pt 2
Jesus on a Bathroom Door
Jesus on a Toilet Seat's Bumper Sticker
Jesus in a Tortilla (THO)
Top five unexpected appearances of Jesus [Christ on a pancake, a Kit-Kat, a dog's bottom, and more!]
Make your own "Holy Toast"
I actually threw my ironing board away last year. If necessity dictates...I pile up a few towels and do the job!!
“Face of Jesus appears on iron”
These are some of the stories that make us ALL look nuttier than a rat turd in a pistachio factory.
I rarely iron. It’s torture.
You just have to be kidding me.
See post #2
Anyone can clearly see that it’s Mary, not Jesus...No beard...
LOL! Very funny article.
Wait - how do we know Mary didn't have a beard?
This story doesn’t make me look like anything.
ROTFLMAO ... my eyes teared up so much I couldn’t get through the list!
No, but it has served to expose me as a hater of ironing.
When does this become the idol worship that Moses warned us all about?
I’ve seen lots of pictures of Mary...Sometimes she looks like a Barbie Doll, sometimes a skinny Mexican girl and sometimes a black female dressed like a tribal African...But never has she posed for a picture while sporting a beard...
When it's the bible...The only ungodly idol that is recognized is the book of Scriptures...
“This story doesn’t make me look like anything.”
Same as that mess on the iron.
Jesus? I think it looks like Manson. But he’ll never see it on the web, hayna, ‘cause Charlie don’t surf.
I’m not entirely sure what that’s supposed to mean. But it’s not important. As you were.
Have you watched the movie Screen door Jesus?
If dumb was dirt some people would be a half acre!
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