How to Become a Jehovah's Witness

envoy ^ | July/August 1997 | Kenneth Guindon

[GonzoII]

Here they come, walkin' down the street. They get the funniest looks from everyone they meet.

Hey, hey, it's the Watchtower, and they're not monkeyin' around. This former JW explains how the world's most effective door-to-door conversion machine is targeting you.

It's early 1956, and I'm seated in a long, narrow building in Venice, California, that used to be a laundromat. It still looks like one. The walls are bare of decorations, painted some nondescript pastel color. Small windows near the ceiling let in some sunlight, but the main light comes from the rows of fluorescent lights that hum and flicker above my head. A podium is perched front and center on the stage at the far end of the room. It's really just a well-furnished, drab little box of a meeting room, but everyone around me calls it the Kingdom Hall.

That was my first visit to what Jehovah's Witnesses respectfully call "The House of Jehovah." A large banner hung over the stage proclaiming a Scripture text I can no longer remember. Other than that one prop, there was no other evidence that Jehovah had anything to do with the place. Being raised Catholic, I understood "going to church" to mean prayer and worship, so my first visit to the Kingdom Hall was an experience very different from what I was used to. I had been invited to attend the lecture and remain for a "Bible study" using The Watchtower magazine. The Watchtower, a slickly-produced, full-color magazine, is the official source of the teachings of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society (the official name for the Jehovah's Witness religion). Balancing my Bible, a notepad and a copy of The Watchtower on my knee, I waited expectantly for the meeting to begin.

[GonzoII]

[ninonitti]

Here try some slack.......

www.subgenius.com

[Loud Mime]

Wikipedia: Jehovah's Witnesses believe their allegiance belongs to God's Kingdom, which is viewed as an actual government. Thus they refrain from saluting the flag of any country or singing nationalistic songs.[3] [4] They believe that these acts are tantamount to worship. The political neutrality of Jehovah's Witnesses is also expressed by their refusal to participate in military service – even when it is compulsory – and by their detachment from secular politics.

In other words, they refuse to fight evil forces at a national level.

[Mr. Mojo]

J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, Slacker that he is, has never knocked on my door with a copy of The Principia Discordia in hand.

Although back in the day he once tried to sell me a vacuum.

Fnord.

[waxer1]

This happened in my family in 1972. My mother was never the same again after she left my dad, and the three of us for the witnesses.

It was devastating and the reprcussions are still felt today. I was 16 at the time.

In 2003, my mother bled to death during a procedure and the doctors had to stand by and watch her die.

[Moonman62]

I had a JW aunt who died from hemorrhoids.

[Dallas59]

I just tell em I’m Jewish when they come to the door.

[waxer1]

Wow! There is a website somewhere that has posts and pictures of witnesses that have died unnecessarily from things like that.

I can't remember the name of it though. I know somewhere in the title it is called a memorial wall.

[GonzoII]

My sympathies on the whole post. No doubt, painful.

[ThisLittleLightofMine]

My father turned away from us over 20 years ago, although it was for a different cult. I just can’t wrap my mind around it, even now. He has since remarried and has children around my children’s ages, it is the pain that never ceases. However God uses everything in our lives to draw us to Him. He used this experience to reveal Jesus to me.

I am sorry about your mother.

[ninonitti]

I view JWs as pinks spammers

[aMorePerfectUnion]

Another of the Great American Cults,
which also include Scientology and Mormonism.

[Ikemeister]

I once tried to quote some scripture to one of them, and then he produced his own “Bible”, and lo and behold, there are lots of little subtle changes to scripture made in theirs. Here’s an example. To support their belief that the soul does not immediately go to heaven, they changed a comma in the following passage from Christ on the cross:

“Verily I say unto you, today thou shalt be with me in paradise.”

The JW change it to read:

“Verily I say unto you today, thou shalt be with me in paradise.”

I’m courteous to them, but tell them to get lost in a very nice way. If they don’t leave, I set the dogs on them.

[Loud Mime]

You forgot Pascalism, where people attach themselves to a religion because of perceived spiritual gain.

and

Egoism, where you claim other religions are cults and yours is not.

[rabidralph]

“Candygram”

[baltodog]

Anyone who claims to have an exclusive right to heaven, can go to hell, as far as I’m concerned.

[count-your-change]

Since there is no comma in the Greek no one can “change” it to anything. Where the comma is placed is the opinion of the translators.

[fieldmarshaldj]

What ?

[aMorePerfectUnion]

“Egoism, where you claim other religions are cults and yours is not.

My faith is Christian, which is well documented
historically and theologically. Deviation from
orthodoxy that denies fundamental truths of
the Christian Church is heresy. Add in the mind
and social control and you get a cult.

For example: Scientology, JWs and Mormonism.

Which of the cults do you belong to?

best,
ampu