Posted on 04/24/2009 6:23:42 AM PDT by Alex Murphy
ROME, Italy (CAP) - In the wake of recent Earth Day festivities, the world's most popular deity has announced plans aimed at helping to ease overcrowding on Earth. According to His spokesperson at the Vatican, the Creator in which we're all endowed will conduct a series of layoffs that will ultimately total about 200 million people.
"In light of a struggling global economy and oversubscription to a finite amount of natural resources, God has deemed it necessary to take these draconian measures," Pope Benedict XVI said on God's behalf. "As humans, we must work together in the spirit of shared responsibility and shared sacrifice.
"If our Father hands you a pink slip, don't be a wuss. Take it like a man," added the Pope.
According to the Pope, the first round of layoffs could come as early as next month, depending on how quickly religious leaders around the world can compile their initial list of recommended participants for the reduction in force. While the full content of the preliminary list is a closely guarded secret, snippets have been leaked to the media and contain some startling information.
"Pat Robertson, Rush Limbaugh, Simon Cowell - definitely among the first to go," said World Magazine editor-in-chief Marvin Olasky. "Plus that guy who cut you off getting to the exit ramp on Rt 93, the old woman who parked in the 'mothers with infants' spot at the grocery store - the list is pretty inclusive."
Most who have seen the list say they agree with the names that are on it, but many are concerned about what these layoffs will mean for those who are left behind. With lives that are already crammed full from dawn until dusk, pundits fear that the functions and roles of those being laid off will end up being outsourced to third world countries who may be ill-equipped to handle the pressures and extra load of more developed nations.
"Let's not get bent out of shape about this," said economist Mark Silva. "With 6.7 billion people on Earth, this layoff amounts to less than three percent of the world population. We're talking half the state of Wyoming; if they disappeared, would anyone really notice?
"If God plays His cards right, He can weed out many of the unwanteds and in all actuality, make things easier for the rest of us," Silva noted. "I'd love a shorter line at the post office. Wouldn't you?"
However, it's that very selection process that worries some who fear Catholics will once again be asked to shoulder the burden of the rest of the world. "It'd be nice if Protestants would step up to the plate for once instead of continuing to ride the coattails of Catholics," said one web surfer who posted his malcontent on a religion message board.
The Vatican is expected to make further announcements about the layoffs in the coming weeks. Speculation is that other deities such Buddha, Allah and Vishnu may follow God's suit and conduct layoffs of their own later this year.
Only if they are matched against the entire membership list of ACLU, Move-on, P.A.W. and the usual suspects (I'll take a 10k to one ratio at a minimum).
That would be a drop in the bucket.
Soon enough, the world won’t have so many believers to kick around anymore. When that happens, there won’t be anyone at WorldMag to publish anymore.
This message, is silly. I read on here once that if every man woman and child moved to the state of texas and had a 50 by one hundred lot within it, it would take up just over half the state or something like that. There is no such thing as overpopulation. It is just a leftist ideal so we can start killing off even more folks needlessly. I guess it just feels overcrowded in the cities so they think its like that everywhere. If only they would stop flying over flyover country and see why it takes so long to flyover. There is a heck of alot of land, and some folks can drive for MILES before they encounter a neighbor in many places.....
qualifier I missed. Every man woman and child in America** moved to Tx.
I think it comes from living in the crowded city all the time.
If that was supposed to be funny: it wasn’t.
P.S. I know you didn’t write it.
Me too. Plus, it helps with the kill the infirm, unborn, and lesser “quality of life” attitude that is mandatory in liberal circles.
Some weekend silliness for you, LOL! :-)
Oops, sorry. meant previous for you :-)
Soon enough, the world won’t have so many believers to kick around anymore.
- - - - - - - - -
That was my thought. I know this is satire, but my first thought was “Wow, the non-believing libs are going to be happy when the Rapture happens, it will help their “overcrowding”.
And, guarantee the destruction of the GOP once and for all.
I had not thought of that. They will be positively giddy.
I had a dream once where I was watching my non-believing friends watch the news after the Rapture. Someone on the news was reporting how the disappearance of millions was “a good thing” because it removed the “haters”.
Yep - they will rejoice - nothing left to restrain the evil they want to do.
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