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Presb. Church USA launches ambitious plan to lose only 5% of members
Lark News ^ | Thursday, June 29, 2006

Posted on 06/28/2006 7:47:49 PM PDT by Gamecock

LOUISVILLE — The Presbyterian Church (USA) has launched a campaign to slow the rate of decline to 5 percent, according to the denomination.

"People at the grass roots need hope and motivation," says a spokesman. "This is a positive goal we can all get behind."

The Minus 5 Campaign aims to lower the attrition rate in spite of the denomination's continued struggle with moral issues, which has led to even greater exodus of members. Instead of losing 12 to 15 percent of members every decade, the group will now "work in great unity and joy to lose only five percent."

"This is the rallying cry we've been needing," says a pastor in Pittsburgh, Pa. "It's heartening to people at the local level to know we're determined not to shrink as rapidly."


TOPICS: Apologetics; Evangelical Christian; Humor; Mainline Protestant; Religion & Culture
KEYWORDS: bleedingmembers; pcusa; religiousleft; retention; uhspoofmuch
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1 posted on 06/28/2006 7:47:53 PM PDT by Gamecock
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To: Gamecock

You can't make this stuff up.


2 posted on 06/28/2006 7:49:12 PM PDT by thoughtomator (Famous last words: "what does Ibtz mean?")
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To: thoughtomator

Why not? Lark News does.


3 posted on 06/28/2006 7:53:40 PM PDT by jwalburg (Paul Ehrlich, call your office! STAT!)
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To: Wrigley; Gamecock; jboot; AZhardliner; Alex Murphy; Frumanchu; irishtenor; rwfromkansas; ...
5% over the next decade? That seems to be an overly optimistic goal.
4 posted on 06/28/2006 7:53:46 PM PDT by Gamecock ("God's sheep are brought home by the Holy Spirit, and there won't be one of them lost." L R Shelton)
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To: Gamecock

They are pro gun control and anti Israeli. Good riddence to this leftist anti-American trash.


5 posted on 06/28/2006 7:54:29 PM PDT by AlaskaErik (Everyone should have a subject they are ignorant about. I choose professional corporate sports.)
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To: Gamecock

Maybe they could try preaching and practicing Biblical Christianity for a change, rather than left wing socialism? Just a thought...


6 posted on 06/28/2006 8:08:57 PM PDT by Unam Sanctam
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To: Gamecock

I see this is a spoof - but somehow it seems quite realistic.


7 posted on 06/28/2006 8:10:51 PM PDT by Unam Sanctam
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To: Gamecock

Great plan. The Pyrrhic church should have more of these 'victories'. Then they will have no members.


8 posted on 06/28/2006 8:11:29 PM PDT by keithtoo (The GOP is fortunate that the Dim's are even more spineless and disorganized.)
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To: Gamecock

Funny site! Thanks.


9 posted on 06/28/2006 8:12:51 PM PDT by Dad x 3
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To: AlaskaErik

Could you explain the Biblical (or other) basis for gun control and opposing Israel? Haven't sane churches dominated by rational, thinking persons finally recognized that Jesus forgave the Jews for his crucifixion while still on the cross? Why then should we oppose the Jewish state?


10 posted on 06/28/2006 8:14:20 PM PDT by dufekin
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To: Gamecock

OK, I'm hooked.
Check out the T-shirts and the horoscope link. Funny stuff.


11 posted on 06/28/2006 8:20:51 PM PDT by Dad x 3
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To: Gamecock

12 posted on 06/28/2006 8:21:04 PM PDT by Calvinist_Dark_Lord (I have come here to kick @$$ and chew bubblegum...and I'm all outta bubblegum! ~Roddy Piper)
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To: Unam Sanctam

Went to Lark Press website. Somebody writing this stuff is working close to the church - working hard every day.


13 posted on 06/28/2006 8:23:32 PM PDT by muawiyah (-)
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To: muawiyah

with tooooo much time on their hands.
Haven't laughed this hard in a long time!


14 posted on 06/28/2006 8:27:56 PM PDT by Dad x 3
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To: Calvinist_Dark_Lord

Try this...

http://larknews.com/may_2006/secondary.php?page=1


15 posted on 06/28/2006 8:29:19 PM PDT by Dad x 3
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To: AlaskaErik
They are pro gun control and anti Israeli. Good riddence to this leftist anti-American trash.

1. Not at my church or my presbytery. 2. Not at my church or my presbytery either. 3. Well, if you say so. I spent 4 years in the military, put myself through college, work 12+ hours per day, read FR religiously (pardon the pun), pay my taxes, vote and write my senators telling them to quit spending like drunken sailors. If that's the kind of leftist anti-American trash you would like to get rid of, then I guess we have a pretty severe disagreement.
16 posted on 06/28/2006 9:57:41 PM PDT by NonLinear (He's dead, Jim)
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To: NonLinear; Calvinist_Dark_Lord; AlaskaErik
T PC(USA) is on the verge of ordaining homosexuals, and is anti Israel.

While there are some local bodies that still preach the Gospel, the PCUSA as a whole is rapidly sliding towards apostasy. You also need to know that a portion of the money you put in the offering plate on Sunday goes to the home office and thus supports this nonsense.

When I learned that I ran from the PCUSA and joined the PCA.

17 posted on 06/29/2006 5:15:00 AM PDT by Gamecock ("God's sheep are brought home by the Holy Spirit, and there won't be one of them lost." L R Shelton)
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To: Gamecock

That's it...target the symptom, not the cause!


18 posted on 06/29/2006 5:39:12 AM PDT by Frumanchu (quod erat demonstrandum)
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To: Gamecock
"T PC(USA) is on the verge of ordaining homosexuals, and is anti Israel."
______________________________

Easy to understand why mega-churches and non-denominational churches are growing so rapidly. Also, the fastest growing segment in the Christian community is the conservative evangelical churches.
19 posted on 06/29/2006 7:05:40 AM PDT by wmfights (Lead, Follow, or Get Out Of The WAY!)
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To: Gamecock

The PCA really needs to change its name and its member churches need to drop the term "Presbyterian". The liberals have hijacked that term and as a result, conservative Christians who could potentially be members shun any affiliation. Many Baptists and independent Christians think of Presbyterian churches as Episcopalian Lite, with a fraction of the robes and candles and no bishops, but all of the liberalism and apostasy.


20 posted on 06/29/2006 7:12:02 AM PDT by Wallace T.
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