Bickering, bloodsport of siblings

The Los Angeles Times ^ | March 17, 2005 | Robin Greene Hagey

[GospelUnion]

You should worry if your kids aren't squabbling, say the experts. Home is the lab where children can try out behaviors.

There's a reason the Felicity Huffman character on ABC's hit show "Desperate Housewives" has resonated with viewers, no doubt a good many of them parents. She's the one who went from high-powered career woman to stay-at-home mom with four kids, three of them out-of-control boys who do nothing but argue, fight and generally wreak havoc wherever they go.

The incessant sound of their children's bickering can drive many real-life parents to play a game of "Can you top this?" with other parents who are constantly victimized by this verbal swordplay. Kids fight over who has to clear the table, feed the fish, answer the phone. You name it — nothing is too small...

[GospelUnion]

So does this mean we parents should encourage bickering? And to apply it as a parable of Christian unity, does it mean that God is happy with brothers and sisters in Christ bickering with each other?

I don't think so!

[NRA1995]

I didn't bicker....I just made sure I had a bigger Tonka truck to throw than my brother did

[Alia]

The "thought" in this article is pedestrian. The point, in families, is to civilize children -- which includes teaching them skills for interacting with their siblings. The author is messed up. Homes where children are constantly bickering are homes where there are no groundrules, or genuine civility.

[Tax-chick]

When my sons fight, I make them recite Psalm 133 - "Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity ..."

And anyone who takes the behavior of TV characters as normative is foolish.

[old and tired]

Well, I guess I'm going to have to be the voice of dissent on this thread. I pretty much agree with the article. The rule in our house was take it outside. I think there's an honest bluntness that exists between siblings that is not found anywhere else in the universe - I believe it is the direct result of the fighting that took place as they were kids, but in the end they always made up.

Today, my adult children all get along. The two sons (a year apart) who fought so much we had to switch their bedroom are probably as close to each other as any two I've got. They work on each others houses, and just last summer worked together on building their decks.

[Tax-chick]

If your children are comfortable with each other now, then obviously what you did worked for you. Each family has its own dynamic. I thought this description from the article, ... out-of-control boys who do nothing but argue, fight and generally wreak havoc wherever they go. was just illustrating the results when a parent is too weak to discipline.

Even if your boys fought one another, I doubt that you let them "generally wreak havoc wherever they (went)."

[old and tired]

Even if your boys fought one another, I doubt that you let them "generally wreak havoc wherever they (went)."

Well, that's certainly true. So often we'd have strangers tell us how well behaved our children were. Ha! Our kids were never spoiled and knew how to behave well in public. All broken windows (usually the result of an errant ball) and one very ugly shattered Lladro incident were paid for out of the boys' own pockets.

[Tax-chick]

So often we'd have strangers tell us how well behaved our children were. Ha!

Same thing happens to us. I always wonder whether they've mistaken us for some other family!