My Email to the Frech Embassy

My Email to the French Embassy ^ | 2/18/03 | Your old 50's Dad

[50sDad]

I just emailed the French Embassy in Washington, and you may reach them at this webpage: http://www.info-france-usa.org/contactus.asp

I had to blow off steam at the annoying little foreigners. You may wish to as well. (Please be polite, no cursing or crude language.) I sent them the following, both in proper English and their own barbaric tongue, so that they would have no problem understanding it. You can translate your email for free at
http://ets.freetranslation.com/?!&sequence=core&mode=html&template=TextResults2.htm&Language=English/French&SrcText=...

I shan't use their vulgar grunting here, so here is the English version…

Dear Sirs:

In my country's short 225+ year history, we have saved the world twice. What have you done for it lately?

Okay, I will give you credit for French fries and oral sex. What else has France done for the planet? Well, there's the oil contracts with Iraq...no, wait. That only benefits France. Alright, there's all the contracts for bomb parts and military hardware...no, that helps only France!

So, as long as it benefits you, you will work for appeasement, to stop the world from deposing a man who has killed a million and a half people, 200,000 of them Muslim. "Let the inspections work," you cry...and all the while Saddam builds and burrows, with money and equipment from France. When we dig him out of his hole, the paperwork we unearth will show who was dealing with him. What price did you get for your souls?

I take it back, you did give us one thing, years ago...a beautiful woman called Lady Liberty. This American "cowboy" says you have failed her. The grinding, screeching sound you hear is that bold lady, once yours, now ours, turning her face in shame from her homeland.

We are going in. We will stop him, and it will be America's money that does it, and America's soldiers that bleed and die. We don't need the help of your little Socialist country. Your veto vote is useless, and that's what really bothers you, isn't it?

So get out of the way, and quit whining. Keep your wine and cheese. One little word of encouragement: The next time your buddy Germany rolls into Paris, you're on your own.

50's Dad, le Cowboy Américain

[50sDad]

Write them today!

[Thane_Banquo]

I wrote them this on Friday:

I would like to apologize on the behalf of my country, the United States of America.

I would like to apologize to France for helping you defeat the Germans in World War I, since it is clear from your ingratitude today that you do not appreciate our actions.

I would like to apologize to you for liberating your country from the Nazis, since we did not ask your permission beforehand. Indeed, history tells us many members of your country were very happy to aid the Germans in ridding Europe of the Jews, and indeed your government's anti-Israeli bias and thefrequent vandalism of synagogues in your country tells us that there are still large deposits of anti-Semitism in France to this day. In many ways, Vichy lives.

I would further like to apologize for defending your country against the Soviet Union. It seems from your actions in the Security Council today that you do not appreciate America's assistance. Perhaps you would have been happy to trade bordeaux for vodka and democracy for Stalinism.

I would also like to apologize for our attempts to clean up the mess you left the world in Vietnam. Thousands of good American men died in Vietnam trying to fix a problem you abandoned and left for us.

We have defended France every time it has been threatened, every time it has been invaded or over-run. We have never turned you down. We have never said that the price of American blood is too great to defend our friend, the Republic of France.

And now, when we are threatened by Radical Islamist terrorism, you attempt to appease the enemies of liberty and democracy. When America is threatened by a regime both with ties to terrorism and the ability and willingness to give weapons of mass destruction to terrorists, you abandon us. You have decided to side with your narrow economic interests instead of coming to the aid of a lifelong ally.

But what is it to you? It was not your towers that fell on September 11. Most of those killed were Americans or Britons. You have not been attacked on your soil by radical Islamic terrorists. So what does it matter if your friend, the sole reason you still exist as an independent country, now needs your help?

It has been said that "love has no greater man that this, that he lay down his life for his friends." The corollary is that contempt has no lesser man than this, that he betrays his friends at the moment they most need him.

[cicero's_son]

Okay, I will give you credit for French fries and oral sex

Your children must be very proud.

[50sDad]

Is this [SARCASM]? They are, as a matter of fact. Of course, I have the sense to use childish words with them, and fortunately I can use adult ones here. And your point is??

[ItisaReligionofPeace]

I wrote them yesterday. I encourage all FReepers to do the same.

[cgk]

bump!!!!!!!! hahahahaha

[cgk]

I've found that those online translators don't always work correctly. I bet the translation REALLY offended them! :) Way to go, and thank you for the link... I have Chirac's email addy in my other email account I believe, along with a s&*^load of other world leaders. Let me see if I can find them. :)

Mrs Kus

[clintonh8r]

Great letter, but I would also have to give the frenchies thanks for giving us Catherine Deneuve, perhaps the most exquisite creature ever to to walk the earth....other than that, they can go to hell.

[ChuckSnow5]

The french claim to hold the moral high ground by demanding that America not act unilaterally in Iraq...

Which is why it is so important to france that the world continue to ignore what the french are doing in the Ivory Coast UNILATERALLY.

To quote John McCain: france is an aging woman trying to dine out on her looks, except she doesn't have the face for it anymore. She's lost all relevence, all credibility.

And the U.N. exists to "contain" no one but America.

I send french officials an email on a daily basis.

[Humidston]

Note sent. Short and sweet. NOT GOING to visit France!

Also sent your link to family and friends so they can do the same. THANKS!

[davetex]

Standing ovation for le Cowboy (I love that). I've been flaming the little turds almost every night for a week.
Great post, you said it well.

[giznort]

If they are students of history, why, yes, I would imagine that they are. So what's your point?

[merak]

Cher amis,

I feel sorry for the French people eating snails, over-ripe cheese, culled cattle and forest fungus (truffles). I'd eat a crow before I'd eat a snail.

Could you use some help in setting up a number of McDonalds outlets in France? McDonalds food isn't much, but it would represent a major improvement in the French diet.

Sincerely,

[davetex]

I hope you don't think this is a stupid question, but can you explain to me the meaning, and origan of the word Vichy?
I have asked several people with no luck. Thanks

[cicero's_son]

Sorry, I just wouldn't feel too good about my father penning a letter to a foreign embassy that begins with with "Okay, I will give you credit for...oral sex."

Whatever happened to manly, American stoicism? I'm no more a fan of the French than anyone else on this board, but I wonder why *anyone* would feel the need to "flame" the French embassy. Ok. They're not with us. They're not our allies. They don't feel they "owe" us anything. Fine. We're certainly not going to convince them of anything by behaving like a bunch of hysterical, spurned ex-girlfriends....and there's a good chance that we'll demean ourselves in the attempt. Much like 50sdad did with his Cosmo letter.

[Thane_Banquo]

After the French surrendered to the Germans in WWII, the French were allowed to set up a "separate" government in the south of France, based in the city of Vichy. The government was run by Frenchmen, but collaborated with the Nazis, including aiding Nazis in rounding up Jews to be enslaved and slaughtered.

[jwalsh07]

I wrote them a monthy ago, three weeks ago, two weeks ago and I'm all wrote out.

[Humidston]

I wonder why *anyone* would feel the need to "flame" the French embassy.

I guess you didn't hear on the news yesterday that France is getting so much negative communication and cancelled orders for French products that they're getting real nervous.

IMHO, that is a very good thing.

[davetex]

I agree. I will flame them again later on tonight.

[cicero's_son]

Buy what you want. Boycott what you want. Just don't be surprised or upset when the same tactics are turned against us.

In the meantime, I submit to you that the Patriots who founded this Republic would be mortified at 50sdad's "flaming" of the French enbassy. Let our actions, our determination, and our manly stoicism speak for us.