Posted on 01/12/2002 3:55:44 PM PST by jslade
The South......Like it or we will kick your ass!
Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
Don't laugh at our Southern names. (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther, Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, etc.) These people have all been known to kick ass.
Don't order a bottle of pop of a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, or whatever - it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.
We know out heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your ass.
We have plenty of business sense (e.g. Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI Worldcom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g. Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We can still kick your ass.
Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your ass.
We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up, spend your money, and get the hell out of here - or we'll kick your ass.
Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're from Ohio. Eat your biscuits like God intended. Don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass. Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your ass kicked.
Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we don't give a damn. Many of us have visited hellholes like Detroit, Chicage, L.A., and D.C., and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Take your ass home before it gets kicked.
Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away, or we'll kick your ass.
Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes have caught fire like scenic Lake Erie once did. Whine about OUR scenic beauty, and we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.
Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say "sir" and "ma'am", hold doors open for others, and offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours.
So you think we're quaint or we're losers because most of us like in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or L.A. Make fund of our fresh air, and we'll kick your ass.
Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here trying to tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot off (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Questions our sacred BBQ, and you'll go home in a pine box -minus your ass.
Y'all have a nice day!
our little hungry,barefooted army was short of everthing but GUTS!
free dixie,sw
Nope. You kin keep 'em. We've got more'n plenty where those came from. Maybe you could feed 'em some of those hush-puppies and slow 'em down a mite. Better yet, give 'm some of your local pizza and I bet they move to California.
Meanwhile, we've got a helluva mess to clean up that they left behind.
i COULD feed them some 5-alarm chili!
free dixie,sw
damnyankees are SOOOOOO IGNORANT!
free dixie,sw
Nope. You'd just be drawing us real Yankees down there for a taste. And then we'd be damnyankees and what good would that do?
a couple of bites & they head for the creek! and THEN move back north!
free the southland,sw
LOL! Reminds me of the time I did a crawfish boil at a pre-race party in Indianapolis. Once they realized that the salty, spicy mudbugs went great with lots of BEER, they warmed to the experience. One poor guy ignored the warnings, though, and rubbed his eye with a spice-laden finger.
YEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOW!
that hurts from clear over where you were!
free dixie,sw
LOL! Sounds like what my Dad used to make. We always said that Dad didn't need to put his chili on the stove because there were so many hot peppers in it, that it cooked itself.
Tell you what, you send me chili and I'll send you chowder - unless you prefer lobsters - also known as the real man's crawfish. I've still got a few traps out.
You're on to us. We send you all our groaning, complaining, boring, left turn signal leaving on, driving 40 in a 65 zone seasoned citizens to pester you. So you can listen to them in the grocery line complaining about their latest doctor visit and we don't have to.
...we got rid of that Arkansas white trash Clinton 'n sint his sorry a$$ up t' New York City
Southern white trash is southern white trash regardless of where they live. And since I don't live within 1500 miles of them then I don't care where the Clinton's squat.
It makes folks a little uncivil when their country is invaded, burned and occupied for more than 140 years. They get a tad upset when they are told to "get over it."
The new label said:
Carolina Possum – Guaranteed sun cured for at least 4hrs. Killed by a marl truck on hwy. 24 west of Swansboro. Goes best with a Dr. Pepper and a moon pie.
I actually has a few folks from up North believe that it was Possum in that can. Could not get any of them to try it.
Well, I would normally agree with that last sentence, but as it appears that Hitlery may be involved in the SSCI treason memo (through her connection with former deputy undersecretary of state and current SSCI staffer Christopher Mellon), the two evildoing white trash traitors can't be released from our never-blinking watchful eye ;>)...on this I'm sure that even the two of us can agree!
free dixie,sw
When you hear a Texan say, "all you big sumitches get in a line, all you little sumitches get in a pile" clear the area or you WILL get your ass kicked.
Don't go up to a lil Texas gal and ask if she'd like to come up to your place and see your etchings....she'll kick your ass!
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