Posted on 05/07/2019 12:40:48 AM PDT by Cronos
Kylie-Anne Kelly can’t remember the exact moment she became her boyfriend’s one and only, his what would I do without you, but she does remember neglecting her own needs to the point of hospitalization. ..Kelly’s boyfriend refused to talk to other men or a therapist about his feelings, so he’d often get into “funks,” picking pointless fights when something was bothering him. Eventually, Kelly became his default therapist, soothing his anxieties as he fretted over work or family problems. After three years together, when exhaustion and anxiety landed her in the hospital and her boyfriend claimed he was “too busy” to visit, they broke up
Kelly’s story, though extreme, is a common example of modern American relationships. Women continue to bear the burden of men’s emotional lives, and why wouldn’t they? For generations, men have been taught to reject traits like gentleness and sensitivity, leaving them without the tools to deal with internalized anger and frustration. Meanwhile, the female savior trope continues to be romanticized on the silver screen (thanks Disney!), making it seem totally normal—even ideal—to find the man within the beast.
Unlike women, who are encouraged to foster deep platonic intimacy from a young age, American men—with their puffed up chests, fist bumps, and awkward side hugs—grow up believing that they should not only behave like stoic robots in front of other men, but that women are the only people they are allowed to turn to for emotional support—if anyone at all. And as modern relationships continue to put pressure on "the one" to be The Only One ..it's exhausting an entire generation of women.
(Excerpt) Read more at harpersbazaar.com ...
A friend of ours died last year, liver failure among other problems. His wife, a dear friend of my wife, was relieved in a sense after caring for her ill husband while he declined. She's gone on a couple cruises with girlfriends in the six months since he died.
Makes me think of the Bill Engvall routine:
I was at the gym the other day working out with my buddy. My buddy Joey.
And he goes “hey, man, I’m getting a divorce.”
I said “Wow, that sucks. Can you spot me?”
That was our whole conversation!
So then I go home to my wife, and I say “Hey, Joey is getting a divorce.”
She goes “Oh, my God! What happened?”
“I dunno.”
“What do you mean you don’t know? Is she cheating on him, is he cheating on her?”
“Again, I’m not holding anything back here, I don’t know!”
She goes “Bill, someone tells you they’re getting a divorce and you don’t ask any questions?”
And I go “Well, that’s because he didn’t ask me a question! He didn’t say ‘hey Bill, what do you think about me getting a divorce?’, he said, ‘I’m getting a divorce’, which said to me, ‘I require no further input on your part.’”
If he had said ‘What do you think about me getting a divorce?’, I’d have said, ‘Well, you’re gonna be dating again, so you should work on your abs’.
Hyphenated names follows with a close second.
Some women are exhausting. Everything is all about how they feel to the detriment of logic or reality. The problem comes when they become good at rationalizing their emotional instability and adept at blaming it on others. Trying to make a man be like a woman will make him mopey and miserable.
By the way, the boyfriend "broke up with her" cause she was a whackadoo. He was just too polite (and didn't wanna send her around the bend again) to tell her that and claimed to be "too busy". We call that "mansplaining".
See how the crazy ones justify themselves?
"Become good at?" I thought that was hardwired into them.
There's a reason I've always maintained the only difference between a pro-life woman and a pro-choice woman is her view of abortion; touch either ones sacred cow and you'll get virtually the same reaction.
And as modern relationships continue to put pressure on “the one” to be The Only One ..it’s exhausting an entire generation of women.”
Wait right there, why “the only one”? and who exactly is “modern relationships” that “continue to put pressure” on anyone?
Any women want to buy me a drink? it’s 5:00 somewhere.
And i might just be “the one.”
Now about that drink (first things first)...
:-)
Oh I just love that opening story. Just remember, there are 2 sides to every story: there is the woman’s side, then there is the truth.
"Women continue to bear the burden of men’s emotional lives, and why wouldn’t they? For generations, men have been taught to reject traits like gentleness and sensitivity, leaving them without the tools to deal with internalized anger and frustration."
So they want them feminized, and when he acts feminine, they break up because she carries the burden? Rationalization hamster is strong with this one.
Trying to make a man be like a woman will make him mopey and miserable and or a molded man doll she will get tired of quick and look for a real man
For generations, men have been taught to reject traits like gentleness and sensitivity, leaving them without the tools to deal with internalized anger and frustration.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Highly inaccurate and dangerous lefty/liberal assumption about men.
Men can walk and chew gum at the same time, and if anything , it is women who also cannot really tolerate a man who can walk and chew gum at the same time, choosing a prejudiced, contextual myopic view of biologically based prejudice. very much akin to racism.
This is typical stereotyping that lefty liberal; culture promotes which results in a kind of sexism which is indeed very much akin to racism.
After all men are simply little bundles of neanderthal DNA, who can really be nothing without a codependent relationship with a women, all of whom are wise and therapizingly overburdened. ( heavy sarc.)
Post feminist crap.
Most men want a genuine kind relationship with a woman absent this psychobabble. Codependency is not a relationship. Men who put up with any of it need to take their anti-euroweenie tablets.
In more recent times (early 20th century), Carl Jung spoke of the same timeless story. Man learns he has two competing paths. He can "feel" or he can "think"...
If he takes the path of "feel," he can learn many things but he cannot move forward.
If he takes the path of "think," he moves forward, but his "feeling" self is subordinated.
The more he "thinks," the more he moves forward until one day, he becomes a man.
But when he becomes a man, he realizes that his "feeling" self is gone or greatly diminished. But then he meets someone who is still a "feeling" self.
He meets a woman.
Together, the man and the woman become one person. A whole person.
Well, I don’t have a lot of male friends - but I don’t burden my wife with any random physical or emotional issues, either. And she isn’t the kind of woman who tries to play Junior FBI Agent trying to find out - so all is well. :)
The author uses two assholes as an example then goes on to talk about something else. If you don’t like your guy trade him in and get on with it.
Bingo!
Great general description of one difference between men and women!
I don’t have any friends so no need to be concerned.
Same here. My husband and I don’t hash over emotions and traumas either. We are both introverted and prefer to deal with our problems privately and without burdening each other for transient feelings. Women often have “bosom buddies” who will commiserate with each other at the drop of a hat. I will help comfort someone or offer to help solve a problem but I don’t seek it out. And men do have friends but they are based on roles. They have work friends, golf friends, sports friends, hunting friends, church friends; they don’t usually have friends whose sole contribution is emotional support.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.