1. Keep a light bulb burning to commemorate this solemn day. A little needless electricity burning goes a long long way towards enlarging your carbon footprint.
2. Drink a tall glass of milk. Environmentalists are upset at you for eating beef, but they are mistaken. Beef is made from dead cattle meat. And dead cattle fart no more. But milking cows flatulate for years and years, and in order to lactate must give birth to little baby cows, who in turn emit a steady stream of methane until they are made into veal or beef of some sort. Actually, cows do not fart at all. Gas collecting in one of their stomachs leads to an ailment called Displaced Abdomen syndrome, which makes it impossible for them to poop, either. If the DA syndrome is not surgically corrected, they will die. And Holsteins, the most prodigious milk producers, are fed a high carbohydrate diet of corn, soy, sorghum and other matter, all of which makes them especially prone to DA syndrome. They also thrive in cold weather, and have an annoying tendency to drop dead in the summer time. Jersey cows, in contrast, thrive on grass, and in hot weather, and consequently do not suffer as much from DA or heat prostration. But they cannot produce milk in great quantities, just milk of superior quality, which is neither here nor there when the EPA is breathing down your neck to reduce your dairy farm population to within their guidelines, so whatever cows you have have got to produce as much milk as possible. But let's take OAC's word for it. Cows fart, and their farts are going to destroy the planet in 12 years. And as Mark Twain, Harry Truman and Rush Limbaugh all say, "I'm from Missouri. Show me." Have a tall glass of milk produced by farting Holstein cows, the gassiest bovines in the business, and watch the planet burn.
3. Fill up your tank and go for a spin with the wife and kids, or the husband and kids. Make sure to use the SUV, and not the Hugo. Go anywhere, do anything, just so long as you are increasing your carbon footprint. We're all going to die in 12 years, so carpe diem. We don't want to fall behind schedule.
4. Trim your hedges. Maybe you trimmed them yesterday. Maybe you were planning to trim them tomorrow. Don't wait! It's Earth Day, and that gawlderned shrubbery is producing carbon dioxide non-stop. If you trim it, you will wound it, and it will take time to heal, and in the interim, the trimmings will be in a dumpster where they belong, cycling oxygen and carbon dioxide no more.
5. Take a long, hot shower. That water might go to nourishing plants, or farting cows, or some other nefarious purpose, rather than down into the sewers where it belongs. Israelis believe in using gray water for agriculture, which is why those fiends must be stopped! All agriculture does is feed humans and animals, whose carbon footprints are too big as it is. Oppressing Palestinians is the very least of the evil that Israel does. Those Jooos! are making a dessert bloom, and keep on coming up with new ways to increase their yields, both qualitatively and quantitatively. They are hunting tilapia fish into extinction! Down with Zionism. Take a long, hot shower. That'll show them. Or take a cold shower to avoid getting randy and making more babies.
This is just my top five list. Feel free to add to it.
What We Can Do For Earth Day
Burn a pile of tires.
I’m going to ride my motorcycle, and my Dodge Ram 1500 and my Lincoln Town Car V8................
Read “The Neglected Sun”. That tells you what the left won’t: the influence of the Sun on the climate.
Charge all my batteries?
You mean oxygen?........................
Earth day??!?!? Thought it was national jelly bean day!!!! so many important holidays, so few days....
KYPD
Punch a liberal.
Release an EPA acid mine drainage holding pond into a river.
POTUS should have taken his opportunity to suggest the hypocrisy of all those who spout off to us about global warming.
He could have mentioned that many of them continue to fly all over the world for conferences that could be done as webinars and that many of them have homes which leave a larger “carbon footprint” than should be allowed among the working class.
ETC
I’m trying to breath less.... little lightheaded here....
Hmmm, I’m thinking enjoy a couple roasted spotted owl breasts for dinner.
Will be driving my Mercedes S550 twin turbo V8 with the sunroof open so the AC can help stop global warming. Just doing my part.
For Earth Day I put on 100 miles in my 3/4 ton truck, Rode my 2 Stroke Motorcycle, Flew my Gas Guzzling Airplane, and when I go home I will ride my Dirt Bike to loosen up dear old mother earth, might even run the tractor for a few minutes to get the necessary soot.
BALLS to one leading climate scientist.
I gonna eat a Yuge vat of beans toot Happy Earth Day:-)
The executive director of the Sierra Club should resign in shame and disgrace. Our air and water is cleaner than ever! Check it out yourself.
Furthermore, President Trump is taking action to remove the plastics contaminating our oceans. Trump has done more for our environment that all previous presidents combined.
It’s a great day for a plateful of grilled delta smelts!
Also it’s the kind of day in SoCal where you can run the heater at night and switch to the a/c during the day!
I think I’ll put two illegal plastic straws in my drink. And maybe laugh at any turtles I see.
CO2 is plant food. They take in CO2 and give us oxygen. We would not be alive without CO2, because the plants would not have created oxygen.