Ministry to Grieving Parents

ligonier ^ | 8/14/14 | Nancy Guthrie

[SoFloFreeper]

When we witness the anguish, the anger, the questions, the devastation that comes to families that experience the death of a child, we find ourselves desperate to figure out what we can do, what we can say, that will truly help. In the retreats my husband and I host for couples who have faced the death of a child, participants often talk about the ways people have “been there” for them in the midst of the worst pain they can imagine, as well as the ways people have added to their pain. If you could be a fly on the wall at one of our retreats, here is some of what you would hear them say about how best to minister to them.

[SoFloFreeper]

This contains some practical advice for dealing with friends and family who are going through grief.

Hope this helps some of us.

God bless.

[silverleaf]

Great article

Loss of a child (any age child including adult child) is unlike any other loss, it is unnatural for parents to outlive their children, a betrayal of the normal scheme of life, and leaves parents totally at a loss for how and how “life” is to continue

especially relevant

“DON’T COMPARE”

Don’t compare our pain to someone else’s or say anything that begins with the phrase, “Well, at least...”
Worst “support” I remember hearing when I lost my teenage son:
“I remember how I felt when Fluffy (a pet) died...”
(No comment just aghast)
“I remember when Mom died..” (yes it's sad to lose a parent but deep inside we all expect it will happen someday, but not your kids)
“At least he's in a better place” (really? Then your kids should go there, I want mine here)
“At least you still have your other kids..”
(makes it seem as if a dead child is replaceable like a lost toy, and just about as relevant)

ENCOURAGE, DON’T PUSH
Don’t tell us that we need to move on, but keep encouraging us to move forward. It is our grief that keeps us feeling close to our child who died, and we are so desperate for that. We need you to understand that leaving our grief behind feels like leaving our child behind

SO TRUE. People get uncomfortable with our grief. They tell us we “need to move on”.
Really? Drop your child overboard from a ship that keeps sailing. Tell me when you “move on” and give up the desperate grief of losing them.

Don't say YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON. That is the ultimate giving up and betrayal of your child. To leave them behind.
When trying to sympathize (NOT COMFORT) with a parent who lost a child remember this phrase:

“You never “get over it” but you can get through it.

The best comfort
Grieve with them. Tell them their child mattered and will always matter and be worth missing and mourning because they will always be mourning and missing that child even when the world has grown weary with their grief and moved on, and can't see it or doesn't want to see it anymore

[huldah1776]

The greatest loss and shared by God.