Posted on 11/10/2013 6:06:15 AM PST by Kaslin
"He was just kind of left by himself," a friend of Richard Shoop commented to reporters.
I never met Shoop, but I nearly ran into him a few nights ago at a Nordstrom in Paramus, N.J. He had just shot a rifle in the air there, starting a mass panic and police lockdown that ended in Shoop committing suicide. Like every other customer and worker in the mall at the time of the incident, I'm unharmed -- Shoop evidently wasn't prepared to hurt anyone but himself. I just can't get Shoop off my mind.
Based on the media testimony of family and friends, Shoop seemed like he was trying to be functional. He went to work and lived his life. But he would fall into addiction, violence and confusion. And he's not alone.
In her book Men on Strike, Dr. Helen Smith writes that in 2010, more than 38,000 people killed themselves in the United States -- more than 30,000 of them men. Why would Shoop choose to terrorize a mall before taking his own life? Perhaps because we don't notice people until they do something really crazy.
"People care almost as little about suicide in young men as they do about men in general, which is to say, not a lot," says Smith, also the author of Scarred Heart, a book about teens who kill. She adds: "In a world where everyone is so busy and the culture full of hostility for men and boys -- their inner psychological life is taboo unless it conforms to the societal ideal ... Add to this a constant barrage of cable news giving media time to mass shooters over and over, and it is little wonder that a confused young man thinks that the way to gain recognition and attention to his plight is by a public display of suicide, or worse, harming others."
Judging from reports, it seems clear Shoop "was deeply unhappy" for presently unknown reasons, and appeared to want to kill himself in a dramatic way, Dr. Sally Satel, a staff psychiatrist at the Oasis Clinic in Washington, D.C., and author of many books on psychiatry, policy and treatment, comments.
"When people start talking about giving away their possessions and they already seem withdrawn and hint at killing themselves, you have to take that combination very seriously," she cautions.
My general advice to friends, family and co-workers is to take an interest, pay attention, and inquire when they see another person appearing to 'drift' in strange directions," says Aaron Kheriaty, a clinical professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of California, Irvine, and lead author of The Catholic Guide to Depression.
Make the effort to get to know the person a little bit, and then get below the surface chit-chat," Dr. Kheriaty says. "If you simply take the trouble to ask with an attitude of wanting to assist, most people will open up. If they open up, then you can begin to build some trust. This does not need to take a long time. From there, a suggestion to seek help from a mental health professional is more likely to be well-received than if it came at the person out of the blue."
Shortly after Shoop had been found dead, a picture of Pope Francis embracing the severely disfigured head of a man with a genetic disorder went viral, capturing the public imagination with the possibilities of love, of real encounters with one another, beyond, as Kheriaty said, the superficial.
The pope has recently been talking about a throwaway culture where we treat people as if they are disposable; something in Shoop's life -- or a tempting darkness in his head, an ache in his heart -- seems to have led him to believe that he was. But nothing could be further from the truth. If he could only be reached by the outpouring of love of family and friends as they faced the watching world in the aftermath of the tragedy.
It's too late to embrace Shoop and give him the love and help he needed. Instead of screaming about gun laws, let's grapple with better ways to reach the tormented, to keep them from abandonment, to help families aid the mentally ill, and to let every man and woman know they are not disposable, that we have not thrown them away to be alone with scars on their hearts and darkness in their heads. There is no magic wand to keep what happened at the Paramus mall from happening again, but building and nurturing a culture where we have actual, fulfilling personal interactions amid a supportive, nourishing culture couldn't hurt.
yes, I have attempted to help some of these people, but you get to the point where they are going to drown you too and you have to save yourself so you can focus on the ones you can help
How about we lock up the crazies as we did in the Olden Days? I’m not saying be inhumane and I AM saying treat them - but seriously...these people should not be in the general population!
You hear stories ALL THE TIME about how parents or spouses or siblings TRY to get these dangerous people committed and it’s just not possible anymore!
We had one crazy running around in our state and he bludgeoned to death an elderly farmer, his brother and his wife!
I mean, you can’t even feel SAFE on a farm in Wisconsin, just minding your own business and milking your d@mn cows these days!
But expanding Socialized medicine to cover every little twinge of mental instability is not the way. I expect to see more stories like this as a subtle propaganda push is made to make mental illness just like a broken leg -- you deserve full coverage for the malady, and the taxpayers will be thrilled to pay for it on your behalf.
The problem is real -- but government is not the solution.
As usual, government gets it entirely backward.
Yep. All someone with more modest problems needs are a few friends and wise counsel, more often than not. Not some 'counselor' who is going to punch out at 4:30 and take next week off...
Serious, really serious, problems need more serious intervention. Pull in everyone with a minor problem, and the really serious ones will be pushed aside in the rush to clear the easy cases.
Net effect: more gubmint employees telling more people how to live and no help for the tough cases who really need it.
(But the statistics will show the negative outcome percentage went down as the caseload swells.)
And all the unionized government mental health workers will get raises and bonuses!
Your statement sums it up well. I’m also someone who has had to deal with suicidal people. It’s almost scary how a living, breathing person can be so dead on the inside. It’s almost like they have an aura of abject hopelessness that surrounds them. They get caught up in it, and they just can’t see that no matter how bad things are at the moment, problems can be solved in time. Time really does tend to heal all wounds, but suicidal people are caught up in the present.
(It's enough to make you sick, especially when the new, improved, lemon scented, concentrated, revised version N.n guidelines take another bite out of the normal public and demand they 'need' help...)
I just don’t understand the disconnect/dichotomy:
On one hand, sparing no expense on suicide prevention; banning transfats “to save 5,000 lives/year; tightening “air quality” regs “to save___lives/year; adding new regs for ‘improved’ guards on the rear of semi-trailers to “better protect against drive-under accidents’, and to save lives”; and on and on to “save lives”; recommending use of booster seats until 12 YO, “to save lives”, and on & on.
OTOH, the very same nannies have stated goals of decimating the world’s population; instituted Obamacare “death panels” & the NHS’s Liverpool Care Pathway (withholding treatments based on age & starving the patients) and so many other sanctioned official methods killing of viable citizens, so long as they are not heinous criminals that need to be put to death.
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