John Sununu: St. Cloud's new military vehicle shows Homeland Security's excesses

Pioneer Press ^ | 10-29-13 | John Sununu

[TurboZamboni]

When director Ivan Reitman made the movie "Stripes," he wasn't trying to predict the future. He was just trying to be funny. The vehicle for his humor was the EM-50 Urban Assault Vehicle, commandeered by a ragtag group of neophyte soldiers led by actor Bill Murray. It resembled a family Winnebago -- with a nice color scheme and user-friendly interior -- but came with bulletproof shields and flamethrowers. It was only a matter of time before everyone would want one. That dream finally came true for St. Cloud, Minn. -- population 66,000. Courtesy of the Department of Homeland Security, America's 514th largest city recently became the proud owner of a six-wheeled mine-resistant ambush-protected vehicle (or MRAP), the suburban American law enforcement equivalent of the EM-50. No, it doesn't have flamethrowers, but it sports inch-thick armor, has room for 10 assault team members, and weighs over 5 tons curbside. That's the fact, Jack! Surely, this can't be good news for shoplifters, jaywalkers, and double parkers in downtown

[MeganC]

The problem with a toy like this is the JBT’s will want to use it whenever they can. Like the old saying goes:

“If all you have is a hammer then everything looks like a nail.”

[JRandomFreeper]

Every can has an opener.

/johnny

[null and void]

Yeah, but even “just a cook” knows if you heat one enough it will open itself...

[JRandomFreeper]

I wonder if the AC works when it is 500F outside?

/johnny

[YHAOS]

0bama doesn’t know. No one told him.

[TurboZamboni]

just prepping for a Husky hockey title riot.

[blackdog]

We have one here in Memphis already. It's fitted with accoustical wave generators to make you drop and puke, tear gas cannons, water cannons, a machine gun terret, road spike launchers, sticky net launchers, and can be completely operated 360 degrees from inside cameras. Rumor has it that it also has a spray aparatus that coats an area with a fog mist only visible under UV light in order to mark an entire crowd for later tracking and arrest.

Not one thing on it to shoot dogs yet though? A cyanide laced milk bone launcher or something like it.

[CMailBag]

Probably just to guard against too many Canucks coming to get healthcare at Mayo, cause they can’t get it at home.

[BenLurkin]

Who designed that monstrosity? Sounds like something Q might issue to James Bond

[MeganC]

Seems to me you folks need to learn how to make IED’s so you can defend yourselves from the military force occupying your city.

[TurboZamboni]

It’s cool. IIRC, St.Cloud is a sanctuary city.

[MeganC]

Oh, and Mason jars full of ammonia are the best weapon against these monstrosities. Ammonia cannot be filtered by the air filters on these vehicles. Nail them with ammonia and the crews will be forced to abandon them.

[GeronL]

st. Cloud is a town of about 66,000

I can see Memphis needing to keep down a mass of rioting ferals, but St Cloud?

[gaijin]

Ping

[cripplecreek]

Just tell him it will be used to put down the tea party uprising and it will be worth every penny to him.

[Aevery_Freeman]

True dat! They even host a convenience store named Little Mogadishu.

The Social Security office is full of Somali's waiting for a check.

[IYAS9YAS]

Every can has an opener.

Being big and heavy has disadvantages, too.

Narrow pathways, steep ditches with low GVW bridges, sharp turns...

[IYAS9YAS]

I wonder if the AC works when it is 500F outside?

Reminds me of the movie Die Hard when the computer nerd criminal says "The police have themselves an RV" right before they hit it with a rocket.