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Celebrate Earth Day by Expanding Our Carbon Footprint
Townhall.com ^ | April 20, 2013 | John Ransom

Posted on 04/20/2013 6:13:24 AM PDT by Kaslin

Every year I celebrate Earth Day with tips and ideas on how readers can expand their carbon footprint.  Below you’ll find the newest, top ten ways I recommend to expand your carbon footprint on May 22nd, 2013 Anno Domini.

10) Take unnecessary trips in your electric car.

Run that battery down to nothing. Electric cars need fuel and that fuel comes from power plants run mostly on coal. There’s no quicker way to expand your carbon footprint than using that “green” car and powering it up nightly.

9) Use a Metro Light Rail system instead of your car.

“When taken as a whole, then,” writes Cato’s Randal O’Toole, “most transit systems with light rail use more energy and emit more greenhouse gases per passenger kilometre than they did when they operated only buses. Most also use more energy and emit more carbon dioxide, per passenger kilometre, than typical automobiles.”

O’Toole says that light rail only appeals to: 1) downtown real estate interests; 2) Seimens, the light rail contractor; and 3) people who hate autos.

All aboard!

8) Move to Germany!

Yes, the model for renewable energy development in the industrial world has yielded impressive results. And they do it by subsidizing a new, technological breakthrough that’s coming to you very soon. Yes, very soon we’ll all be able to power our electric vehicles through coal-powered plants that supplement coal with the use of wood.

Mmmm. I don’t know about you, but I just love the smell of a wood fire wafting around the city.  It makes it smell like Christmas- or Winter Holi-Day for of you who are only “spiritual.” For atheists, the smell can remind you of December 25th, 2012 C.E.  

7) Build a wind farm.

You too can find out what rural, depression era residents knew: The widespread adoption of wind power eventually will lead to the creation of a large, nationalized effort to electrify the country with more reliable, fossil or hydro-based electrical generation, just as they did with the Tennessee Valley Authority.  Since nuclear and hydro are impossible to permit, prepare for coal-fired and oil-fired plants to come out of mothballs.

There’s nothing like the smell of diesel wafting around a city to remind people that it’s Earth Day, C.E. Infinity or, for those of us who are heretics and apostates, May 22nd, 2013 A.D.     

6) Move into Al Gore’s house.

No house in America uses more fossil fuel than Big Al’s. According to one source Gore buys coal left over from the age of Charles Dickens, extracted by Welsh miners, who on average were paid less than a penny per day. It’s transported to America an old diesel powered bulk freighter named I’ll Always Be the Real Number 43

Gore then uses the black, Welsh, rock to boil water that heats his 23 swimming pools, 271 waterfalls and keep his mountain streams at a constant 77 degrees for the benefit of his pet coy.

There are other ways moving in with Al can help expand our carbon footprint. Can our readers identify them all?     

5) Buy a Chevy Volt.

In addition to the massive amount of fossil-fuel generated electricity, that Volt uses the pollution from the manufacture and disposal of the $8,000 battery, there is one other ways that the Chevy Volt expands our earth’s environmental footprint.

While spontaneous engine fires so far have failed to consume an entire Volt, the winner of the 2012 European Journalist award for Car of the Year (C.E.), scientists estimate that a fully consumed GM green car would emit more carbon than another Al Gore run for the presidency.

There, I’ve done it: Gore 2016?

I’m super serial.  And super awesome.

The end.

I'm super cereal

4) Blog about the vast right-wing conspiracy.

No new technology in the past 30 years has contributed to increasing fossil fuel emissions than the adoption of computer technology. From server farms, to high- speed networks, to computer chip enabled phones, tablets and PCs, the electronic age is consuming more and more electricity.

And since the U.S. has failed to adopt progressive, European renewable energy policies like burning wood in stoves, water heaters and furnaces, the leading sources of renewable hot air in the U.S. comes from blogging.

So plug in those IPhones, tablets and PCs. And write with indignation about Big Oil, while pretending to be green.

“Let’s Pretend,” as we know, is a very important keystone of many liberal policies.           

3) Support 420!

Quick: Does anyone know how much carbon is in a gram of weed? Does anyone who cares about weed, care about the environment? If you had to pick between smoking weed and the environment, which would you pick?

That’s right, you’d be eating brownies or drinking tea made from ganja.

Bunch of Tea Baggers.   

2) Live in a tiny house.

OK, living in a tiny house will do nothing to expand your carbon footprint. But it would be really funny to see you guys blow out the fuse box of a mini house when you overload the electrical system charging you car, your tablet, your PC, your phone and your E-420 stick, while washing your clothes in a mountain stream.  

Actually, I think ALL environmentalists should be forced to register as high-capacity B.S. magazines and forced to live in houses measuring only 200 square feet.   

Although I think the right of free speech shouldn’t be abridged, no one should be allowed to dish out as much bull as they do and cause as much damage without some control over how quickly they re-load.       

1) Occupy Wall Street, again.    

Who can forget the day the people who Occupied Wall Street in order to save the world left behind 26 loads of garbage?

“I pick up garbage [for a living], and these were some of the worst smells I’ve ever experienced,’’ one sanitation worker told the NY Post.

Gives a whole new meaning to carbon footprint.

Priceless. 


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Culture/Society; Editorial
KEYWORDS:

1 posted on 04/20/2013 6:13:24 AM PDT by Kaslin
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To: Kaslin

How to celebrate earth day:

Get a shovel. Dig a hole to show her who’s boss!


2 posted on 04/20/2013 6:17:55 AM PDT by cuban leaf (Were doomed! Details at eleven.)
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To: Kaslin

Very funny. Thanks for the post.


3 posted on 04/20/2013 6:18:05 AM PDT by TheZMan (Buy more ammo.)
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To: Kaslin

Earth day is the one garbage burning day I plan in advance.


4 posted on 04/20/2013 6:18:18 AM PDT by cuban leaf (Were doomed! Details at eleven.)
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To: Kaslin

I’ve always wondered if anyone ever investigated how the occupee-ers were FED.
Who paid for the freeloaders’ food?

Anyway,
I always get a kick out of the comments re celebrating erf day.
Some freepers burn tires. lol!


5 posted on 04/20/2013 6:21:26 AM PDT by spankalib (The downside of liberty is the need to tolerate those who despise it.)
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To: Kaslin

Interesting note on the Chevy Volt. A friend bought two, one last year and one this year. He filed for the $7,500 tax reimbursement. He was supposed to get $11,500 back. He got a check from the IRS for $4,000. When he enquired he was told that the tax rebates were “under review.”


6 posted on 04/20/2013 6:21:43 AM PDT by Gen.Blather (-——I suspect that Japan will lead the world in robot design and production-——)
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To: Kaslin

Well I had to use my snowthrower yesterday and they are talking about ice fishing for the fishing opener in Minnesota. I think we’ve cooled the planet down well enough!


7 posted on 04/20/2013 6:24:54 AM PDT by gore_sux (Irony?: AlGore gets rich off of Middle Eastern petro dollars)
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To: Kaslin

Earth Day?
Sorry, I DON’T celebrate Lenin’s Birthday.


8 posted on 04/20/2013 6:27:16 AM PDT by BuffaloJack (Gun Control is the Key to totalitarianism and genocide.)
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To: Gen.Blather

IMHO your friend isn’t very smart by bought one in the first place.


9 posted on 04/20/2013 6:28:11 AM PDT by Kaslin (He needed the ignorant to reelect him, and he got them. Now we all have to pay the consequenses)
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To: Kaslin

I noticed my 10 mpg(around town) 99 Durango is leaking oil...

....better top her off.....


10 posted on 04/20/2013 6:30:12 AM PDT by Vaquero (Don't pick a fight with an old guy. If he is too old to fight,, he'll just kill you.)
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To: Kaslin

I celebrate Earth hour (I call it Human Progress Hour) and I turn all of my lights on.


11 posted on 04/20/2013 6:33:32 AM PDT by impimp
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To: Kaslin

“IMHO your friend isn’t very smart by bought one in the first place.”

He spent $40,000 a few years ago turning his house into a solar powered house. He was reimbursed $35,000 by federal and local grants. He hasn’t bought electricity except for the air conditioner for 5 years. I agree about the car, but he drives to and from work without using any gas whatsoever. You and I paid for all this. (He says, “thank you,” btw.)


12 posted on 04/20/2013 6:34:08 AM PDT by Gen.Blather (-——I suspect that Japan will lead the world in robot design and production-——)
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To: Kaslin

Sounds great!

I’ve got a cord and half of logs and stumps to cut (2 cycle IC engine) split (regular gas IC) and haul (regular gas IC)..

Want to help?


13 posted on 04/20/2013 6:44:17 AM PDT by lightman (If the Patriarchate of the East held a state like the Vatican I would apply for political asylum.)
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To: Gen.Blather

Tell him he’s not welcome


14 posted on 04/20/2013 6:48:12 AM PDT by Kaslin (He needed the ignorant to reelect him, and he got them. Now we all have to pay the consequenses)
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To: cuban leaf
Get a shovel. Dig a hole to show her who’s boss!

Don't do that! Beat her to death and stuff her in trunk as Earth Day's founder, Ira Einhorn, did to his girlfriend, Holly Maddox (this is just sarcasm folks).

15 posted on 04/20/2013 6:52:23 AM PDT by Stepan12
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To: Kaslin
I like the personal touch on Earf day...you know? to improve the air quality

How 'bout some more beans, Mr. Taggart? Taggart: I'd say you've had enough!


16 posted on 04/20/2013 6:54:31 AM PDT by Vaquero (Don't pick a fight with an old guy. If he is too old to fight,, he'll just kill you.)
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To: Kaslin

“Tell him he’s not welcome.”

Trust me. He knows. But his wife wants a small carbon footprint. If that’s what it takes to live with a woman who packs not one, but two guns and helps build barns, I’d put up with the green cr*p. It appears to be her only liberal leaning. You have to decide what you’ll put up with and what you’ll get if you do. He made a good trade.


17 posted on 04/20/2013 6:55:18 AM PDT by Gen.Blather (-——I suspect that Japan will lead the world in robot design and production-——)
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To: Stepan12
I had forgotten about Einhorn-unicorn.....

Born into a middle-class Jewish family, Einhorn studied at the University of Pennsylvania.[1][2] He became active in ecological groups and was part of the counterculture, anti-establishment and anti-war movements of the 1960s and 1970s.[3] He called himself “the Unicorn,” because Einhorn and Unicorn translate as “One Horn”.[4]

Einhorn claimed to have been master of ceremonies at the first Earth Day event in Philadelphia in 1970.[3] He claimed to have been instrumental in the creation and launching of the Earth Day event itself.

Einhorn had a five-year relationship with Holly Maddux, a graduate of Bryn Mawr College who was originally from Tyler, Texas. In 1977, Maddux broke up with Einhorn, which infuriated him. She went to New York City and became involved with Saul Lapidus, a rejection that Einhorn would not accept. After learning about this turn of events, Einhorn called Maddux and lured her back to Philadelphia under the guise of retrieving her belongings, although his intention was to murder her for breaking off their relationship. She was never seen alive again.

When questioned, Einhorn told police that Maddux had left to go to the store but never came back. Eighteen months later on March 28, 1979, Maddux’s decomposing corpse was found by police in a trunk stored in a closet in Einhorn’s apartment. After finding Maddux the police reportedly said to Einhorn “It looks like we found Holly” to which Einhorn reportedly replied “you found what you found”. Einhorn’s bail was reduced to $40,000 at the request of his attorney Arlen Specter; Einhorn was released from custody in advance of his trial by paying 10% of the bond's value, or $4,000. This bail was paid, not by Einhorn, but by Barbara Bronfman, a Montreal socialite and one of the many people Einhorn had convinced into supporting him financially.

In 1981, just days before his murder trial was to begin, Einhorn skipped bail and fled to Europe. Einhorn traveled in Europe for the next 17 years, along the way marrying a Swedish woman named Annika Flodin. Back in Pennsylvania, as Einhorn had already been arraigned, the state convicted him in absentia in 1993 for the murder of Maddux. Einhorn was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole.

18 posted on 04/20/2013 7:00:06 AM PDT by Vaquero (Don't pick a fight with an old guy. If he is too old to fight,, he'll just kill you.)
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To: Kaslin

And who can forget (the MSM did) the founder of EARTH DAY! Ira Einhorn!

Don’t remember him? well, here is a link.

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/42711922/ns/technology_and_science-science/t/earth-day-co-founder-killed-composted-girlfriend/#.UXKtA8pv9Mh

Even our local electric company magazine mentioned EARTH DAY without mentioning his name, but gave the “credit” to another as the founder of that day.


19 posted on 04/20/2013 7:59:40 AM PDT by Ruy Dias de Bivar (Do we now register our pressure cookers?)
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To: Kaslin

One of the best ways I’ve read to celebrate Earth Day is to have a public surveillance camera BBQ.

Get a bunch of enthusiastic high school boys to spot cameras around town, then on the night before, steal the cameras and bring them to the BBQ pit site.


20 posted on 04/20/2013 8:27:43 AM PDT by yefragetuwrabrumuy (Best WoT news at rantburg.com)
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To: Kaslin
Every year, I celebrate Earth Day with an annual tire fire.


21 posted on 04/20/2013 8:55:29 AM PDT by Rodamala
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To: spankalib
Some freepers burn tires. lol!

That would be me!

22 posted on 04/20/2013 8:57:44 AM PDT by Rodamala
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To: Vaquero
Einhorn’s bail was reduced to $40,000 at the request of his attorney Arlen Specter
23 posted on 04/20/2013 9:02:13 AM PDT by Rodamala
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To: Rodamala

Yeah, they stack up over time. Need a good bonfire to clean the trash up.


24 posted on 04/20/2013 8:46:26 PM PDT by BipolarBob (Happy Hunger Games! May the odds be ever in your favor.)
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To: Kaslin
Earth Day...also known at Vladimir Lenin’s birthday. Why else do you think this day was chosen?
25 posted on 04/21/2013 3:23:37 AM PDT by Cowboy Bob (Democrats: Robbing Peter to buy Paul's vote.)
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