When my wife and I were first married, we followed civilized practices. When we went to the car, I opened her door and held it open until she was safely seated. When we arrived at our destination, I got out, went around to her side, opened the door and held it until she got out and then closed it.
During the 80’s and early 90’s, she was frequently castigated by females about our “quaint” way of doing things (the words were actually more harsh). Eventually we modified our routine so that I only open the door for her going to the car, but she gets out by herself. This seemed to cut down on the wisecracks by the she(male) faction.
A while back we had two cars in the shop at the same time so I had to pick her up from work. I opened the car door for her as a normal person would. The next day she was nearly mobbed by women she worked with, most of them in their 20’s and 30’s. The most plentiful comment was to the effect of: “your husband opens the door for you when you go someplace - golly where do you find guys like that anymore, does he have any younger brothers.” That's the second time she had received comments like that.
I think the younger generation of women may be starting to realize that equality does not mean identicality. There are fundamental differences between men and women, both physically and emotionally. There ought to be societal differences as well.
As a life long practicing heterosexual, I would not want it any other way!
I’m 32 and recently married. My wife, while we were dating, was constantly barraged by women asking her, “Where did you find him?” I open the door for her when we go to the car. I hold doors for her. I always walk with her so that I’m protecting her (i.e. nearest to traffic on a sidewalk), and when we’re in a restaurant, I always face the restaurant to be aware of who is coming and going and I can react if danger comes in.
It’s funny, because so many reasons have been given for the opposite of all of these behaviors: “opening the car door for her could mean she could be in the car if you’re carjacked; you couldn’t pull her away from danger if you were walking near the traffic; your eyes can wander and look at the other women in the restaurant. How rude!”
I also wear a hat when I’m out and carry a sidearm. People eschew the traditional values of our fathers from a mere 50 years ago, yet things worked so much better and were so much more pleasant than they are now. I deliberately sought out women who treasured my traditional/classic upbringing, and I married the one who appreciated it the most.
most of the mannerisms associated with the way men should treat women are rooted in the practical.
It’s not just that women are/or were too weak to open the door, it’s just that they were historically nearly constantly pregnant or holding a small child making simple things like opening a door nearly impossible.
Birth control changed many things.
We have a 10 year old son in fifth grade—second year Webelo in the Scouts and altar server to boot. He has always been a gentleman. One of the most common comments we receive from his teachers is that he is so polite and treats the girls in his class with respect. As a result, he is well-liked by the young ladies at school.
He is always opening doors for me (or his sisters, ages 14 and 8) when we are out somewhere. It’s not something we told him to do. It’s just something that he has learned from observing the way his dad treats me (and other women like his mom or sister).