Need Father's Rights help in DuPage County, IL (Please help!)

Vanity | 12-9-12 | TitansAFC

[TitansAFC]

I am dealing with a woman who is willing to falsely accuse me of harassment and being a threat to abuse my children. She has used denying visitation of the children against me, and is doing so now by filing an Order of Protection based on false allegations, which denies me visitation until our court date later in December.

My current attorney, who was also my divorce attorney, is very passive. He has talked down any ideas I have come up with, and when I push for better advocacy from him, he is quick to mention that he will require another retain of such-and-such before he begins. In other words, he does not want to fight for me, and instead basically threatens me with costs to deter requests for any more aggressive representation. Every time she does something awful or accuses me of something awful, he talks it down calling it "pretty standard," implying it is no big deal. But each time around now, she gets bolder and does even worse.

I have depleted my funds through the divorce and legal fees. I am desperate for help. If any Freeper anywhere can help me or point me to someone who can, I beg you to do so. Please don't just send links to organizations; I am already trying those routes. What I am looking for is somebody who can really help.

Thank you for your attention

[TChad]

Every time she does something awful or accuses me of something awful, he talks it down calling it "pretty standard," implying it is no big deal.

He's probably right. Her outrageous words and behavior may be a big deal for you personally, but that doesn't make them a big deal for your legal case. False allegations of abuse and even false accusations of molestation are commonplace in divorce these days. False accusation is just another bargaining tool. Fairly low risk, potentially very rewarding for the false accuser. Don't assume that the judge etc. are automatically going to believe her without compelling evidence.

Don't expect your attorney to give you retribution. All you can reasonably expect from him is that he will minimize your financial losses and maximize your access to your kids.

Expect her insanity to continue. Evict her from your head. Treat yourself well. Good luck.

[DoughtyOne]

My divorce was over twenty years ago. I came on lean times then too, but I was able to keep it to a minimum, and not without help.

I rode the bus for about eighteen months.

She sought child support and I opted to have it taken out of my paycheck automatically. It wasn’t required at the time.

She proceeded to take the money, go out and party nightly, and leave town and my kids alone at home on the weekends. She did this for over a year that I know of, before I finally withdrew from the situation. Folks will think this is an exaggeration. It isn’t.

The kids wanted to live with her. She couldn’t stand the thought of them living with me. And as it turns out, she evidently couldn’t stand living with them either.

I didn’t have a place of my own for a fair amount of time. I lived with relatives. There was no place to take the kids to, or house them. My every other weekend visits were to a restaurant, which bored them silly. She supported them coming up with new reasons they couldn’t go with me. I finally gave up on that too. While I was seeing them, they looked to be wearing clothes that the Salvation Army would reject.

For men I see marriage and divorce as this.

You date, marry, and live with someone for a couple of decades. You obviously love them. You make a home together. You have children. You love them very much too. Then friction comes and sooner or later the divorce. And this you may or may not survive.

After twenty years of spending your off ours with this person and then your children too, a switch is flipped, and there is no more contact. If you’re lucky, you get access to the kids that think everything is your fault. And don’t try to explain why it really isn’t, because the kids don’t want to take sides.

When she wants out, the courts, the attorneys, any government agencies, and most of your old friends will side with her. If she is outwardly attractive, displays a vulnerable side and is friendly to others, your goose is cooked.

What I was most shocked about, was the kids who were in their teens. They both swore that I was beating my wife on a regular basis. They lived in the same small home with us, and somehow they came to this conclusion. It wasn’t true.

It can take you between two and twenty years to get your life back. And face it, you’ll never get it all back.

And then you deal with the angst your grown kids try to eliminate by continuing to not take sides by mentioning things you did that caused it all.

And all the while, the people you used to know marvel at what a great job she did getting through it. You? Not so much. You beast!

[DoughtyOne]

I appreciate the mention. Luckily, my divorce is long over.

I agree with your take on divorce. It should be harder. There are times when I think it’s best though.

I fought to keep the marriage alive long after I should have simply cut my loses and left. It made it very hard on my kids.

My parents split when I was three. The blow was something I never wanted my kids to go through. So instead, I gave them another hell. I tried to be there. They had to put up with the bickering.

There are times in life, when you really can’t win.