Steve Jobs and my child

WORLD ^ | Mary Doe

[rhema]

The death of Steve Jobs last October reminded me of a death 24 years earlier, in October 1987. I caused that death. I regret it. The law did not punish me because what I did was legal. Thoughts of shame have nipped at me ever since. It becomes overwhelming on anniversary dates.

As readers now know, Steve Jobs' adoptive parents brought him into their home as an infant. His biological parents were an Anglo-American woman and an Arab father from Syria. News accounts gave details about his biological father, and some in the Arab world took credit for Jobs' brilliance. I read these details over and over, attempting to resurrect something from my past.

I am a woman of Anglo-American descent. Years ago, I was in an abusive marriage to an Arab man. When the relationship became unbearable and he learned I would leave him, he forced himself on me without contraception. After it was over, I tried everything I could to avoid getting pregnant—washing, standing upright, jumping up and down, praying.

I did get pregnant. I was so traumatized that I went numb. I literally had no sensation of touch for a time. Someone did something to me so callous and calculating that I could not comprehend it. I called my parents who came and got me. They offered advice and comfort. My mother said she would take care of the baby and that she would not be able to do what I was contemplating, but that it was my decision. My dad wondered aloud why I would want a tether for the rest of my life to a man who would do that to me.

I wanted this immediate pain to be over. A quick operation seemed to be the answer.

I eventually remarried, had two children, and continue to live a productive life. I have confessed to God, repented for my actions, and felt forgiveness. But actions still leave consequences. I've never stopped wondering who that child was and what the now-23-year-old would be doing as an adult. These thoughts slam my conscience as strongly as a fist to the face. I wish I'd known that a temporary situation did not require a permanent solution.

What if that child had been like Steve Jobs, who was extraordinarily gifted and changed the world? Or what if that child had been disabled or deemed "less than" by society—would I have become a more compassionate, loving person? A person who could never imagine taking the life of someone innocent?

Maybe the child would have been just average in every way. I don't know. It doesn't matter. Even in my case of calculated rape, the trauma passed just as the pregnancy would have passed. Life would have gone on. I traded in one kind of trauma for a longer-lasting one. What I know now with hindsight is that children are completely innocent. They do not choose their parents. They do not deserve to die.

Steve Jobs' biological mother possessed wisdom for the long term. She did the right thing. Better a baby on my knee (or an adoptive mom's knee) for a few years than on my conscience forever.

—Mary Doe is a pseudonym (editors agreed to use it to protect the writer's privacy)

[Clintons-B-Gone]

Wow! This is a powerful and thought-provoking article. It’s too bad the ones who need to see it the most probably never will.

[Mercat]

two in my family I think about. One would be 44 and the other would be 36. I miss them.

[treetopsandroofs]

“It’s too bad the ones who need to see it the most probably never will.”

If they saw it, they’d HATE her with only the hate an angry liberal can muster, and congratulate themselves for feeling that way.

[If You Want It Fixed - Fix It]

The writer knew her contraception options, knew her abortion option, all from word of mouth I’d surmise.

Few hear their other options, financial assistance and support, hear about the long term ramifications. That’s the tragedy. The media is complicit, as are the friends and family.

But this author has done something - attempted to break the media silence. She may have saved a life - if not today, in some time as someone else in pregnancy situation or even pre-pregancy situation will recall her story.

And that’s what hundreds if not thousands do each week, often Saturday’s, outside abortion mills - lovingly inform women that there are other options. Men too. But we have a verbal run-in with her husband at times too. They are almost as abusive with us too - so they shine out pretty well, but we keep on talking. Free country you know.

[Daveinyork]

Remember, the child you abort may have discovered a cure for the cancer you may get.

[GladesGuru]

Guilt is something one assumes.

[Kevmo]

My friend from church knew Steve Jobs when he first started Apple. His roommate was Steve’s ex-girlfriend, who had an illegitimate daughter from her relationship with Jobs. The computer project ‘Lisa’ was named after Steve Jobs’s illegitimate daughter.