An oldie, but a goodie...
Posted on 01/17/2007 6:05:25 AM PST by radar101
I just don’t get it. Many city governments have had a chance to do something about serious panhandling problems but have been reluctant because of the First Amendment. For example, one of the local “leaders” in my hometown once refused to support an anti-panhandling ordinance because of free speech.
Sadly, the aforementioned politician had previously refused to support a local school teacher who used the word “niggardly” simply because it sounded like a word he didn’t like. In other words, he isn’t a defender of free speech. He just a) assumes that all panhandlers are black, and b) always sides with black people to get re-elected.
It goes to show that many self-proclaimed defenders of free speech are really just self-interested whores – present company excluded.
But now that I have realized most panhandlers use a word that “sounds like” a word I don’t like – most ask for a “buck” though they seldom discuss “angina” – I’ve decided to fight back. In fact, I’ve been waging my own personal war on panhandlers for months now. Since I’ve gotten pretty good at it, I’ve decided to share a dozen or so of my best responses to panhandlers. Hopefully, they will help you to avoid unpleasant encounters. So, without any further delay, I sincerely hope you enjoy the following:
Crack Head (hereafter “CH”): “Excuse me brother, but could you spare some change?”
Major Smart Aleck (hereafter “MSA”): “No, but if you would like I’ll go straight to the projects to buy you some crack rock. I like to know for certain how people are spending my money.”
CH: “Excuse me brother but …”
MSA: “You already asked me that once. Don’t you recognize me? Oh, I get it – you think all white people look alike. You’re a (rhymes with “bucking”) racist!”
******
CH: “Hey buddy, you got a dollar I could …”
MSA: “No sir. All I have is a bunch of 100 dollar bills and a gun.”
******
CH: “Hey brother, don’t I know you?”
MSA: “Yes. Yes, I believe you do. We met in jail after I pistol whipped that guy who tried to panhandle me after starting a fake conversation.”
******
CH: “Buddy could …”
MSA: “Hi, I’m with the Jehovah’s Witnesses. Could I have a few minutes of your time?”
******
CH: “Sir, do you have some money I could send back to my family in Mexico?”
MSA: (Hands him a single peso).
******
CH: “Buddy could …”
MSA: Hi, I’m with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Could I have a few minutes of your time?
******
CH: “Hey mister …”
MSA: (Faking conversation on cell phone). “I don’t know, Scott. I mean killing panhandlers is a little too much. I think they should just be castrated. We are talking about the first offense, right? Recidivists should definitely be hung or shot. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going liberal on you.”
******
CH: “Mister …”
MSA: “Could you spare some change?”
CH: (silence).
******
CH: “Sorry to bother you, sir …”
MSA: “Oh, you’re not bothering me at all. Lately, I’ve been eager to talk to a black male panhandler about racism. One of my communist colleagues thinks that racism causes poverty, which, in turn, causes panhandling. But I’ve never been panhandled by a black female. And I’ve been panhandled many times by white males. Clearly, racism is not your problem. What exactly is your problem?”
******
CH: “Sir …”
MSA: “I’ll bet you all the money in my pocket that you’re about to ask me for money.”
CH: “How did you know that?”
MSA: “Well, at least you’re honest. If you were a little brighter you would have said ‘You’re wrong’ and received $196 in cash. Of course, if you were brighter you wouldn’t be begging a guy with a loaded weapon.”
******
CH: “Spare change? Have you got a little spare change, buddy?”
MSA: “I’m sorry but I’m just too niggardly in my use of spare change. Don’t I know you from somewhere? Have you ever served on City Council? ”
Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Welcome to the Ivory Tower of Babel: Confessions of a Conservative College Professor.
ouch ...
Mike's crossing an angry line here. Not sure why.
In my town, they're almost all white - a combination of elderly winos and heavily tattooed and pierced middle class slacker kids. The latter group, in addition to being unattractive and irritating, is also very aggressive, to the extent that even our liberal city council was finally just forced to pass an anti-panhandling ordinance. It goes into effect on Friday. I hope it works. These kids make me sick.
My family goes downtown once every year to see the model train show at the utility building, because that is the only thing left downtown you can't get anywhere else. (This after years of misplanning by the city council, who gave tax breaks to Sacs and other snooty stores that nobody wanted, and drove out all the little family businesses that had survived.)
We pack several bag lunches of peanut butter sandwiches, chips, and a juice box, and stash them in my wife's carry bag. Winos and the indigent get lunch and a Merry Christmas. Those who were going to ask for "money for food" are silenced, and those who want "busfare to see my sick sister" are usually stunned enough not to ask. A little planning ahead means that we aren't victims of WGC (White Guilt Complex), those who need food are fed, and nobody's buying drugs with our kindness.
The only reason we have panhandlers is because we tolerate them. In other words, from a public policy point of view, we have decided that we want them. Getting rid of panhandling is simple, cheap and legal. If your town hasn't done it yet, it just means that the politicians have decided that panhandling is a good thing.
If you don't agree, let them know.
But don't believe them for a minute when they say there is nothing they can do about the problem. Lots of jurisdictions have. They can too.
There was an article I remember in one of the 'newsmagazines' years and years ago about the young, white, male, middle class looking type of panhandler. I don't remember much, but there was a picture that showed a young, well dressed white male beggar accepting money from a black female who looked like she did not have much to spare. I wish I could find that picture.
The box lunch thing is a great idea. If I still had to go into the city on a regular basis, I would definitely follow your example. Fortunately, I have been able to rearrange my life so I just don't have to go into the city anymore.
Panhandling is one of the most annoying things somebody can do. When I was in college there was a young guy who used to sit around (usually on the steps of a church) and ask people for money. When it would be a direct question like "hey, do you have any spare change/a buck/something like that?" I would just answer "Yes." He would usually just stare at me and eventually walk away.
Believe it or not, panhandlers have some sense of pride. It's easy to insult them by telling them you can spare a few cents (literally) or occasionally throwing a few cents on the ground. If they're really needy they'll go diving for the three dirty pennies on the ground - next to the rotten banana peel and the chewed bubble gum.
"Angina" sounds like a word he doesn't like?
"No, man, I've got boat payments"
also works with panhandlers.
Due to the outrageous tobacco taxes here in Toronto, the panhandlers are more likely to ask for cigarettes than for money.
Beggar: Sir, do you have an extra cigarette?
Me: No, I have just the right quantity.
MSA: “Hi, I’m with the Jehovah’s Witnesses. Could I have a few minutes of your time?”
LOL! That would make me turn and run away!
An oldie, but a goodie...
Cute...
Maybe the panhandling problem in Wilmington is getting worse. In my section of North Carolina, there's one particular exit ramp where I can always count on at least one, sometimes two, panhandlers. I've been wondering why the town allows this.
They're getting more and more prevelant in the East Bay in northern California, too, and they tend to be burnt out white guys, Deadhead types. For the most part you can ignore them, but one in particular really pisses me off, so I simply stopped using the 7-11 he's claimed as his turf. He's been there for over two years now, every weekday. (Yes, beggars take weekends off). I presume he has a Section 8 apartment in the complex in back of the 7-11 he stalks, as he's generally looking well fed, clothed, and not effected by the elements.
I wrote a nasty letter to the owners of the place, a hippie-type couple, but i doubt they'll change anything, judging by the quality of people they hire to work their stores (immigrants who can't speak english for the most part). I told them that I, and most of the people I know in the area are taking their business elsewhere, as he's such an annoyance. They're also popping up in front of the local Safeways and box stores, and wandering parking lots. This is a fairly well-to-do area, no doubt they make good money off of the local liberal "white guilt". We also have one who's been digging through our dumpsters ripping open bags looking for cans, and the stink in the summer...whooo boy...they're trying to catch him, but no luck so far. I now take sensitive mail and paper work and shred it and take it to work to dump.
I just say "No", and keep walking. Not angry, not sneering, just "No". If they give me lip, I stop, walk back, take out my cell phone, call the local PD (NOT the 911 line, mind you), and ask for a patrol car, and why, right in front of them. (Program your phone with the numbers...very handy to have.) They will curse and make faces at you, but they slink away at that point. I've only had to do that 3 times, this year.
I'd like to point out all of the beggars I deal with are white men, in their 30's and 40's, who look perfectly healthy and capable of working. Why play their game, by provoking them? Just say "No", and keep walking. If they continue to harrass you or get confrontational, THEN you have grounds to truly do something about it. Why pick a fight, which the cops will NOT like, when they generally will either go on to their next victim, or hang themselves? Let THEM cross the line.
The beggars I deal with are for the most part harmless, you can stare them down at will. They know they're scum. But if you were to do what this article says in Oakland or San Francisco...it's a good way to get a kitchen knife in your back, you have no idea what you're dealing with. The years living in Oakland taught me that picking fights with the insane, drug addicted, or drug dealer in disguise who's strapped, is a good way to become a statistic.
It's time someone crossed the angry line, and let's hope he is really armed and not just talking about it. And, by all means, let's legalize drugs and produce more of these street abominations.
Left-leaning politicians do indeed love them. They are at once an argument against the evils of global capitalism, a reason to expand government services and put loyal supporters on the city payroll, a chance to demonstrate the politician's own opinion of his compassion level in a concrete way, and a constant reminder to voters of why tax increases are a good and necessary thing.
That's why the San Francisco Board of Supervisors can't get enough of them. ;)
I just remind myself and anyone that I am with that these beggars are making more than the minimum wage if they collect a dollar every ten minutes. They would be lowering their income to go work somewhere for the minimum wage.
The ones who stand on traffic islands next to left turn lanes probably collect more than twelve bucks an hour.
It is business for some.
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