Posted on 10/29/2006 8:07:03 AM PST by firehat
IMHO (in my humble opinion) IRKED
RABBLE WITHOUT A CAUSE ©
by Norman Liebmann
In my humble opinion, a Moslem scholar will soon complete a new translation of the Koran that will make more sense to westerners. One passage reads, “Trust in Allah, but don’t forget to cut the cards”.
In my humble opinion, CBS will hire a team of spelunkers to descend down into Howe’s Caverns to locate where Katie Couric's ratings finally bottomed out.
In my humble opinion, Virginia Senatorial candidate James Webb’s next book of supposedly “non-sexual” acts will be called “Lady Chatterley’s Banana”.
In my humble opinion, ten minutes after the 700 mile fence on the Mexican border is completed, David Gergen will be on both sides of it.
In my humble opinion, the much publicized adoption of an African child is causing friction in Madonna’s household. It seems all the black servants resent having to address the baby as “Bwana”. The next major international question is whether it will be Madonna’s or Angelina Jolie’s baby that will replace Kofi Annan as the next Secretary General of the United Nations. (Incidentally, Kofi Annan would have been ideal in the role of one of the shady characters in the movie “Casablanca”.)
In my humble opinion, the White House is still trying to figure out what to do to keep Cindy Sheehan away. They are considering mosquito netting.
In my humble opinion, it is amazing how Islam has managed to swamp the western world with ugly women without decreasing the population of ugly women at home.
In my humble opinion, Boy George has been sentenced to do community service. He will be rotating tricycle tires in Munchkin land.
In my humble opinion, its time for a new version of that horror classic movie called Doctor Jekyl and Alan Colmes.
In my humble opinion, former Governor of New Jersey, James McGreevey, came out of the closet and realized he was still in New Jersey. Talk about irony!
In my humble opinion, Conan O’Brien is about as funny as a paraplegic at the deep end of the pool.
In my humble opinion, so far we found nothing in Iraq other than Weapons of Mass Miscalculation
In my humble opinion, the solution to the exploding influx of illegal aliens from Mexico is to issue them exploding green cards.
In my humble opinion, this is the dirtiest midterm election campaign in history. One wonders why you need a degree in journalism when all you need to work in the media is a shovel.
In my humble opinion, the nearest thing to artistic innovation in Hollywood in the last ten years was in the film Brokeback Mountain where someone got the idea of having a gay come out of the closet on a horse.
In my humble opinion, Helen Thomas will not have to show her press credentials at the White House. However, she will be required to produce her Proof of Species. Security personnel identify Thomas as the Loch Ness Correspondent.
In my humble opinion, Haiti may soon have a hotel called the Trump Voodoo. If you sacrifice a goat on the roulette table it increases your chances of winning.
In my humble opinion, electronic eavesdropping lacks the prurient gratification afforded by the key hole and transom. I suppose that’s price that comes with advancing technology.
In my humble opinion, it turns out that Hillary Clinton was not named after Sir Edmund Hillary who climbed Mount Everest, but after Sir Edmund Hernia who climbed Mount Molehill.
In my humble opinion, there is not a single lake in Tennessee that has not been polluted by Al Gore soaking his opinions in them.
In my humble opinion, Rosie O’Donnell would make a good door prize at a white elephant sale – or any other kind of elephant sale.
In my humble opinion, the most grotesque and contemptible people in the universe are pimps who for some inexplicable reason are inner city icons.
In my humble opinion, every time Barbra Streisand sings my circumcision experiences a burning sensation.
In my humble opinion, neon lights and raucous music do not create civilizations. They produce slums.
In my humble opinion, every time John Kerry makes a speech he sounds like he just took a laxative that lost its sense of direction.
In my humble opinion, Barbara Walters has an extraordinary ability to be precise when talking to nobody in particular about nothing of substance. Because of her contribution to the electronic void Walters has been named TV’s High Priestess of Empty.
In my humble opinion, there is not a single delegate in the United Nations that would not pay to journey back in time for the chance to rat out Anne Frank to the Gestapo.
In my humble opinion, Death is Nature’s Way of stopping Moslems from doing mischief and blaming it on Allah.
In my humble opinion, in an age of high-tech nuclear missiles, satellite technology, and stealth weapons, in Fallujah Bush resorted to the siege. Picturesque - but not practical.
In my humble opinion, geneticists will determine that Kim Jong IL was cloned from stem cells taken from Mao Tse Tung’s prostate.
In my humble opinion, we will soon need to build a network of Federal Prisons just to hold hip hop stars.
In my humble opinion, it’s time for San Francisco to change its name to Woodstock-by-the-Bay. (Agronomists declare they will be surprised if anything ever grows again in that original pasture called Woodstock other than pubic hair.)
In my humble opinion, The United States of America should secede from Mexico.
In my humble opinion, Rosie O’Donnell is not living off the fat of the land – just off the fat.
In my humble opinion, in assessing danger to America George Bush should take into account that Iraq is way over there and Mexico is way over here.
In my humble opinion, a new Hillary Health Care plan is in the works that will have paramedics come to your house and hold the handkerchief for you while you blow your nose. Commensurately, the Democrat Party is ready to air a series of commercials claiming abortion is the cure for the common cold
In my humble opinion, legislation is in the works repealing Presidential terms limits to enable Bill Clinton to give the nation another dose of treason and perversion. I hope Abraham Zapruder has film in his camera.
In my humble opinion, most same-sex marriage partners gag at the idea of using each other’s toothbrushes. Go figure it out.
In my humble opinion, for all their contempt Moslems have for pigs, at least pigs don’t have beards.
In my humble opinion, diplomacy is the Democrat Party’s cocaine. Capitulation is its methadone.
In my humble opinion, what Harvard needs is not The Kennedy School of Government, but The Remedy School of Government
In my humble opinion, Neil Gabler would be an ideal person to be used by proctologists for target practice.
In my humble opinion, Dianne Feinstein should forget about gun control. At her age she should be concentrating on bladder control.
In my humble opinion, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the Supreme Court’s sleepy time gal, fell asleep in the middle of a nap while taking a siesta on the bench. Ginsburg cast the deciding vote in the case of Roe versus Sominex. She must have given her husband a lot of beautiful memories on their wedding night – and very little else.
In my humble opinion, Fox News Channel’s Bill McCuddy should have his own celebrity interview program called “Born to Fawn”.
In my humble opinion, Bush 41 should take Bush 43 out to the woodshed.
In my humble opinion, now that the Madonna and Angelina Jolie have gotten such a favorable press Hillary will go to Africa and adopt a running mate for the 2008 Presidential election. Too bad Kunte Kinte is not available.
In my humble opinion, there will be a dinner for people who hate America. It will be an event for Media Only.
In my humble opinion, it’s hard to figure out whether John McCain is practicing excess in moderation, or just carrying moderation to excess.
In my humble opinion, if elected, Hillary will be Episode 2 of the Clinton sitcom presidency.
In my humble opinion, the mainstream journalists are birds of a feather - and that goes for the whole flocking bunch of them.
***
“Trust in Allah, but tether your camel."
Good humor!
Honestly!
That's funny right there, I don't care who you are...
It'll only work if she wears a Depends over her face....Pelosi too....
As for Liebmann's diss of Conan O'Brien, here's O'Brien's commencement address to the class of 2000 at Harvard. It's one of the funniest speech's ever made, and in degees of funny, ten thousand times funnier than the piece above.
"so far we found nothing in Iraq other than Weapons of Mass Miscalculation"
What amazes me in the insitutional amnesia involving convoys of Iraqi trucks heading into the Bakaa Valley in the days leading up to Bush's invasion. The items not found could easily be in Syria, beyond the reach of our incompetent intelligence agencies.
In my humble opinion, Helen Thomas ... will be required to produce her Proof of Species.
In my humble opinion, every time John Kerry makes a speech he sounds like he just took a laxative that lost its sense of direction.
LOL!!!!!
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