Satire On Animal ID [BUT Will Taxpayers Pay for Every New Born Calf n' Parakeet For A Life Time?)

Based on reading the USDA’s draft proposal for the National Animal Identification System some people are wondering how the USDA is going to tag all the wild animals that fall within the working species groups that must be tracked. The USDA says we don’t have to tag the wild animals. That is good to know...

It is the year 2009, February 22nd, the birthday of General George Washington. Today it is a bit windy and the cold is biting here on the eastern slope of Sugar Mountain in northern Vermont. The USDA shows up at my doorstep demanding to know why I have not voluntarily enrolled in their National Animal Identification System...

USDA Agent dressed all in black: Why haven’t you registered your farm and livestock for NAIS yet?

ME: Sure, want to buy a pig? I can probably catch you one if you like. Wild pastured pigs are the best. High in Omega-3 fatty acids, low in those artery clogging Omega-6’s. Frankly, you look like you could cut back on those bad acids a bit. You’re getting red in the face. Or is it the wind? Better check your blood pressure, mister.

AGENT: There, you admit it, you feed them, you sell them, you’re farming them!

ME: What?!? No way. They are just running around wild out there in the field. Just because I happen to be able to catch you a pig doesn’t mean anything. I could pick you a dandelion next summer but that does not mean I farm dandelions. I could catch you a chickadee but that is still just a wild bird.

ME: Nope, they’re on my land and you would be trespassing. See those No Hunting - No Trespassing signs?

ME: They haven’t bitten anyone today. But I would not move suddenly if I were you.

ME: I thought we were talking about pigs and sheep. Now you say I am farming fences? Are you really asking if I grow fences? I didn’t realize the government wanted to start tracking fences. Mine pretty much stay right where they are...

ME: I have fences but so does my neighbor and they have no animals at all. Are they farming too? Frankly, fences do not a farmer make. In fact, some places I don’t even have fences. Also, there are deer, mice, moose, bear and other wild animals out there besides the wild pigs and wild sheep. Are you going to accuse me of farming bears and coyotes just because there are bears out there shitting in the woods and I have fences? That is royally funny!

ME: The one with the balls. The one with the really big tusks who is pawing the ground. The one that is eyeing you...

ME: You go stick a tag in him. But, I suggest you first check that your life insurance premiums are paid up... Health insurance too because he might not kill you. He might just rip off your arm.

AGENT: Hmm... He doesn’t look too friendly... Maybe these really are just wild animals... Tell you what - I’ll just mark you down as a vegetable farm.

Note: I made that all up. The USDA has not yet said we don’t have to tag wild animals. -WJ

Walter Jeffries lives in Sugar Mountain Farm in Virginia and maintains a website on the subject of the National Animal Identification system. His website can be found at nonais.org.

NAIS CONTROVERSY:

"A group of intercity teenagers were touring a rural farm and the owner was providing some facts of life with real on-site demonstrations. An old milk cow was used to demonstrate the origin of milk. As the farmer squeezed one of the four vertical appendages a huge white stream of milk squirted in a rainbow arc to the ground, right in front of the big eyed viewers’ feet. In shocked amazement, one boy turned ash white and fainted straight forward, flat on the ground. This young man demonstrated the early signs of becoming a Senator and creating legislation to govern rural livestock producers."

"With similar livestock backgrounds, Congress and the Senate have created the National Animal Identification System (NAIS). Every horse, goat, bovine, zoo animal, rabbit, chicken, turkey, hog and even a producing parakeet (www.tahc.state.tx.us) will be required to be numbered. With a government estimate of 9 billion living creatures qualified for this numbering system, soon to be mandatory, with up to $1,000 fines per day for non compliance, savvy, alert livestock producers are "going bonkers."

Required equipment for the owner of one or more animals, for the first ear tag number of the first critter will be well over $1000, with added annual update costs. Each time an animal goes to a show, sale or transfers ownership a computer entry is required. The average steer is owned by eight different people during a less than 30 month life. The consumer is the eighth owner after the cow calf, backgrounder, trader, feeder, etc. Under USDA rules for the NAIS program that would require seven computer entries not counting lost tags and labor of scanners."

"What will it cost to number 9,000,000,000 living bodies in the USA and keep track of them? Who will pay for this effort? Actually two distinct groups will pay every penny, they are the Tax Payers who don't own critters and the Tax Payers who do own critters. This is not a one time deal. It will involve every new born calf and parakeet from now until eternity," writes Jason Page, Vice President, International Texas Longhorn Assn., Kingwood, Texas

More.......

"NAIS and Premises ID do nothing to track disease onset in the processor, the butcher, the slaughterhouse despite the fact that those places are the source of almost all contamination" says,"Walter Jeffries. "So, I ask myself, if preventing and curing disease is not the real reason, then why does the government want to know where very chicken, cow, pig, horse and other animal is? So they can kill them with their “Stamp Out” and depopulation programs. That is a clear violation of our 4th Amendment rights."

I'm starting to think that Congress is just sitting around intentionally trying to think up the stupidest legislation possible just to see what it will take for us to throw them out of office.""

NONE of this is LAW yet. It has been sitting in Congress, not going very far. This is all coming down the pike because of bureaucrats in the USDA who are on a might power trip.

I have horses, and I intend to tell them where they can go if they show up here.
There is another part of the "regulations" not highlighted here. I have to own and keep with me when traveling an electronic "reader" which costs about $800, so that when I trailer my horses ANYWHERE, I can be stopped by the "authorities" and I have to scan MY horses and prove to a total stranger that I OWN them.
I also have to report EVERY time I ride off the property and return, on a computer- not everyone I know owns one-with expensive software we have to purchase from the USDA within 24 hours all my movements. I can be fined as much as $5000 for each incident which I don't report.
I see this as a violation of both the 4th and 5th amendments.
If they show up here, they better have a warrant and a sheriff with them.
The seminars being held for animal owners are very misleading. Food animal owners are being told the system is to track disease. Pleasure animal owners are being told it is to re-unite us with stolen or missing animals quicker. They also say there is NOT a GPS in the chip, but then, how would they KNOW when we have been "off premises" and not reported it? More lies.
Since there have been VIN numbers in cars and trucks for years and nothing seems to be found any quicker, I feel that is a total lie.
The government cannot find thousands of convicted sex offenders, so why do I think they will find my lost dog or horse???? Give me a break.
Signing up your "animal premises" also gives the "agents" permission to be on your property anytime without notice to "inspect" what you are doing.
BTW- the "codes" for this NAIS ID system includes codes for TREES.
Someone tell me how far trees move during their lifetime.

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.