Posted on 02/18/2006 9:53:03 PM PST by SmithL
It's all our fault, yours and mine. It doesn't matter what for, specifically; we're to blame for everything.
Our lax attitude toward greenhouse-gas emissions and global warming is why Northern Europe is having a colder-than-normal winter - or is it warmer than normal? The Americans and their crazy government, you know.
And it's our fault that the polar bears are - or maybe are not - in danger.
And don't even get them started on what U.S.-developed genetically modified foods are going to do to the planet. A little American carelessness, a few genes go haywire, and suddenly we're beset by a rampaging strain of carnivorous kumquats. Our bad.
In Turkey, according to The New York Times, Americans are the new villains in fiction and films. It seems the movie that is igniting Istanbul, "Valley of the Wolves - Iraq," features an evil U.S. Special Forces commander who unleashes his Marines - apparently we're better at combined ops than we knew - to inflict unspeakable indignities on Iraqi and Turkish national pride. Who knew?
In any case, the audiences stomp and cheer when the evil American gets his. You don't suppose they're still sore over "Midnight Express" and "Lawrence of Arabia," do you? Not "Topkapi." That was 1964, for heaven's sake. OK, I suppose we started it. Our fault.
Anti-American novels are said to be selling well in Turkey, but they can't be any good because, if they were, they'd be selling well here and be optioned by Hollywood. That, too, is our fault.
You didn't realize we were behind those Danish cartoons that started all the rioting in places where Danish newspapers don't circulate. That's because we're so diabolically clever we fool even ourselves.
If you and I were offended by the Danes, our first reaction would not be, as it was in Pakistan, to go out and burn down KFC, McDonald's and Pizza Hut - not unless we were lacing our herbs and spices and extra toppings with controlled substances.
But, the thinking goes, according to a Pakistani author, that the cartoons were "a deliberate provocation to get us to behave badly." Americans could sit in front of their TV sets and have a good laugh at dopey demonstrators hopping up and down and taking out their righteous anger on a bucket of extra crispy and a side of slaw.
We're so diabolical we astonish ourselves.
A Pakistani news magazine was quoted as saying the whole business of the cartoons "demeaned the West's lofty ideals and exposed the designs of its new crusaders."
We could tell you what those designs are, but first we'd have to make you sit down and watch repeated showings of "Valley of the Wolves - Iraq" with no subtitles.
Trust us: The designs are almost as good as our melting the icecap and diverting the Gulf Stream so Europe had a warmer-than-normal winter - or is it colder than normal? And it's all our fault.
Obviously, the author didn't get the message from the MSM, it's all Bush's fault.
Yes, it was you, and we have the videotape to prove it!
"Valley of the Wolves - Iraq,"
Sounds like regular Hollywood fare to me. In most movies the American G.I.s are the villain, often our elite Special Forces is the most anti- American villains of all, remember Die hard 2 or 3, or the Rock with Sean Connery.
Coffee SPEW!
We don't discriminate on the basis of race, creed, gender, sexual orientation, religion, etc.
But we do know this: ALL Americans are racist, sexist, homophobes that should be shot.
Very open minded and nonjudgemental don't you think? :D
That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.
Besides, who are you gonna believe, me or your lyin' eyes?
ahhh, we're just getting started, they aint seen nuthin' yet!
I did it.
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