Posted on 11/24/2005 10:18:44 PM PST by Coleus
Kids say they're stressed out, and parents aren't helping
To view the KidsPoll, visit http://www.nahec.org/KidsPoll/
If you remember childhood as a time of careless, carefree fun, a recent study indicates that either the times have changed or memory is selective.
Asked about their feelings on stress, 875 U.S. children between the ages of 9 and 13 revealed that being a kid, at times, is stressful. KidsHealth.org, a leading pediatric health and wellness Web site, conducted the KidsPoll and released the findings Oct. 12.
"We live in a pretty fast-paced, high achievement-oriented culture, so kids and adults are over-scheduled, over-committed and overly booked, and kids feel those stresses and those pressures," said D'Arcy Lyness, behavioral health editor for www.KidsHealth.org .
According to the poll, the things that worried kids most included school and grades (36 percent), family (32 percent), friends (21 percent), siblings (20 percent) and mean people (20 percent).
"Some parents are even surprised that kids feel stress at all, but these things are as important to (kids) as any adult worries are to adults, such as job stress and finances," Lyness said. "Feeling successful and happy in these arenas is what kids are trying to accomplish."
At Willowbrook Mall in Wayne last week, area children echoed the survey findings. Anna Molinski, 13, said homework and fights with friends stress her out. She attends Grover Cleveland Middle School in Caldwell with her brother Conor, 11, who said "really hard tests" bother him. Rachelle Parada, 13, of St. Andrews School in Clifton said arguing with her mom gets her blood boiling.
Stress is inevitable at any age. "It's a part of life," said Lyness. Children are more susceptible to it, however, because they don't have the same coping mechanisms as adults, she said.
The most commonly named stress-relievers, according to the KidsPoll results, fell into a category Lyness called "distractors," or activities that divert a child's attention, such as:
"That's a really good coping skill for small stressors" such as losing a ballgame, Lyness said, "because that's the kind of coping skill that helps a person to shift their mood. But it's not a good enough coping skill for something that is a significant stressor (like poor grades or bullying). ... For that, kids need more complex coping skills like problem-solving and probably asking for some adult support and help."
Developing complex coping skills is important, said Lyness, because when some kids become overwhelmed by feelings of anger, embarrassment or stress, they hurt themselves.
According to the survey, 25 percent of kids have hurt themselves when stressed, primarily by hitting their head or another body part on an object. Nine percent said they had cut and/or burned their skin before, a behavior that should be addressed by a specialist.
"If stress is not addressed then it has a cumulative effect and kids tend to either take out their frustration physically and/or verbally, at home or in school," said Dr. Nabil Elrafei, attending child psychiatrist at Barnert Hospital in Paterson.
How can parents help? Mainly by being there for their kids, Elrafei said. "The best way to reduce stress, in my opinion, is to have a healthy ongoing relationship with a parent or both parents preferably."
With survey participants ranking "talking to parents" ninth on their list of stress relievers and 28 percent saying they never talked to their parents about their worries, it's important for parents to initiate the dialogue, Elrafei said. He also suggested engaging kids in activities like sports or music to help reduce stress.
Most important, parents should practice what they preach, Lyness said. No matter what you teach a child about stress, "if you yell and scream and hit the wall yourself, that child is going to learn coping skills that are along the same lines.
"We won't ever eliminate stress from people's lives - it's a natural part of life," Lyness said. "The important thing is how people cope."
OMG...........what a bunch of sissy kids.
Disgusting report!
It is very depressing for kids to learn that the new XBox-360 might have bugs.
Your age is showing. I rocked my 15 year old straight "A" student, 15 year old granddaughter to sleep last night because she was stressing over her best friend who chose to drink and my she chose not to and called me to come pick her up. Grades are easy for her but her best friends father is in Iraq and she feels she has failed her friend because she was not ready for the fast life. 15 is as tough today as the 40's were for my mom.
I remember hating Sundays-- cuz that's when I typically did my weekend homework. For some odd reason, I really liked Thursdays-- even if I had an assignment due the next day.
Otherwise, my childhood was pretty carefree.
One of the worst things to ever happen to our kids were the "corrections" made to child labor laws in the sixtys/seventies.
What did these brats ever do before tv, Tivos, computers and all their dopey, stooopid electonic games? I was digging trenches when I was 10, and racking steel bars when I was 12 years old... Pathetic where the youngsters are today when they piss and moan that they don't have $150 Nike footwear.
I pressure my kids (mostly just the dumb one) because I don't want them to end up going to a college named after a state. Hopefully, unlike my own parents, I'll live long enough for them to understand why I did it and thank me.
Nam Vet
We got the illegals and ,as a bonus, generations of kids that never learned how to work (I`m not very PC so mine had to work as teens. Wasn`t always popular at home but they sure turned out OK)
Your grandaughter is lucky to have you. Kids today are overwhelmed with pornorgraphy on their computers, and movies that preach sex, alcoholism, and violence. They need help standing up against the liberal culture.
Having spent a childhood under the threat of nuclear annihilation, I'd say kids today don't know what stress is.
People forget what life was like, no food during the depression and WWII, no oil or gas, parents out of work, blackouts during WWII, air raid drills, fallout shelters and more drills in all the schools post WWII.
That's how they're being told to be. It's our fault, for the messages they get at home, at school, from TV, and from the media.
"I see a defensiveness to reactions generated by unfortunate remarks"
Oh, great. The shrink is here. Is there no escaping psychoanalysis in this world anymore? Sometimes a smart-aleck is just a smart-aleck and that has nothing to do with your son, who I am sure is a very nice individual. Okay, I'm not really sure of that, but I will assume it. I'll try to take it for granted, but I'm not promising anything. I'm not here for remote assessment by telepathetic analyst's, I'm here to have fun. You might want to consider giving that a try sometime.
Another defensive reaction formation. If you are an example of what the colleges not named after states produces, it's a blot on the Ivy League.
If I want a psychologist I'll hire one. Having graduated from a university that wasn't named after a state I have a good paying job and I can afford one who is a professional and only opines about my attitudes when I want him to. Why don't you go back to digging ditches, or whatever it is you do on weekdays and stop stalking me? Jerk.
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