Skip to comments.Women turn to internet for truth about their date
Posted on 08/24/2005 8:09:41 AM PDT by billorites
ONE in three women prepare for blind dates by spying on their prospective partners via the internet to obtain information about their careers, their hobbies and what they look like, a new study has found.
Increasing numbers of men are also using internet search engines to carry out so-called "suitability checks" before meeting their date.
And private investigators have reported an increase in clients whose suspicions about their partners have been driven by "i-spying".
The study found about 35 per cent of women said they had no qualms about going even further and looking at messages on the mobile phone of a partner or date.
The UK poll of 3,000 people by Onetel, a broadband provider, found women were far more likely to admit to snooping than men, with just half the number of males confessing they had sneaked a look at their partners' text messages.
One in 20 people of both sexes said they had searched the internet for a photo of a future blind date - leading 4 per cent of them to cancel a meeting because they did not like what they saw.
While psychologists said that there is nothing wrong with checking out background information, they warned that those who meddled too deeply could end up losing partners through lack of trust.
Websites such as Friends Reunited were named as a fruitful source of information.
Over half of those questioned admitted they had checked the site to find out about partners.
Professional investigators said they were not surprised by the findings.
Stephen Grant, a partner at Grant and McMurtie with 25 years' experience as a private detective, said he had had an increase in clients coming to him whose suspicions had been fuelled by internet searches.
And he said he had dealt with more women than men in such cases. "I don't know if that is because men are more philandering or women are more suspicious," he said.
He added: "With internet searches, we get people in the early days of a relationship coming to us after they have found things out - perhaps that a person is married - and they want us to confirm that.
"For people in a relationship, it is often their mobile phones that give them away. Another area where people get caught out is e-mail.
"When a client comes to us we do an internet search and see what comes up - we may well find something in a newspaper article or court records."
While the report found over two-thirds of people believe women are more likely to snoop, it showed less distinction between male and female behaviour at the more extreme levels of suspicious behaviour.
Around 15 per cent of women and 12 per cent of men said they had sent a text to their partner from a different number pretending to be someone else to see if they took the bait.
And 17 per cent of women and 15 per cent of men would do a police check on their partner if they got the chance. It also found 28 per cent of women and 21 per cent of men frequently drive past the house of someone they are attracted to, to see if they are in and if any extra cars are on the drive.
Half the women said they read their partner's bank statement, compared to a third of men, and 40 per cent would inspect their partner's phone bill, compared to 24 per cent of men. And 16 per cent of people have unearthed a secret they really did not want to find out.
Dr Cynthia McVey, a psychologist at Glasgow Caledonian University, said: "[The stereotype of women snooping] may date back to a time when women were at home and had less opportunity to stray, while men were out at work. Wives who were suspicious would check receipts or for signs of lipstick or perfume.
"Internet snooping is just a modern version of ancient human responses to feelings of insecurity and jealousy.
"But while checking the internet for general information is fairly harmless, to read someone's text messages or e-mails is an invasion of privacy and shows a real lack of trust, which is not good in a relationship."
Perils and pros of doing some research when love comes a-clicking
WOMEN might think they are stealing a march on men by using the internet to uncover information on a prospective date, but they are not alone.
After meeting my current girlfriend in a nightclub, e-mail proved an embarrassment-free way of arranging that tricky first date as well as yielding her company details. A quick Google search dug up a photograph of her on a financial firm's website, and also a résumé of her career - invaluable for conversation purposes later.
Unfortunately, with me being a journalist, she was able to glean far more information about me as well as finding details of a romantic mini-break spent in a Scottish health spa with a former partner published in The Scotsman's travel section.
Fortunately she missed my name on a lapdancing industry website which appeared when I wrote a story on a sheriff who was forced to resign after being caught in a sauna.
Another potential internet banana skin was a feature which involved three former girlfriends dishing the dirt on what I was like to go out with. The so-called Ex-files were a response to a call from feminist Germaine Greer to set up a website for women to log details of men who had behaved badly towards them so that other women could avoid a similar fate.
Behaviour such as making a partner show you a text message when their phone bleeps in front of you shows an unattractive degree of paranoia. Teenage love letters should be private, so when it comes to saved text messages or e-mails, try something a bit more old-fashioned: trust.
err... from ~reading~ your posts.
Let's be real, here: Different women want different things.
I'm simply not going to cater to them all. I'm who I am. I'm funny, I'm confident, there's some niceness way down deep in me that the right woman can dig out, I come at life from gratitude, I try to be of service to others but I won't take guff either.
Correct :~D The rest of your post is ~not~ what I was trying to convey.
A better label for it is confident and masculine.
What did I say ????....Guff?
I was just talking in generalities...
I was thinking the same thing and trying to Google a still from that portion of the movie.
"I don't want a mortgage, I just want to take you out."
Rosanna: "Oh, I love Meryl Streep."
Guttenberg: "I am so into her."
You dated the kid from "That 70s Show?"
So was I.
I haven't watched the show... Is he a drummer?
That's just nasty. ick ick ick
No but he smokes pot, has long hair, and isn't very bright. I was talking about Michael, Ashton Kutcher's character...but of course that could be any guy on that show!!
Men seem to think that "petite" means slim, but women know that it's a clothing size range for short women. They have "petite" sizes up to 16. So imagine 5"2" and about 180 pounds. But there's a "P" on her shirt label.
Not at first we don't. We only want commitment after we've become committed ourselves. A guy who speaks too early about commitment is potentially just a stalker. ;~D
Ah - well the guys I remember were actually quite bright under all that hair.... even when stoned ;~D
Laz is the baddest, nicest guy on this forum!
It's not just the women who lie. You want to know how many married men sign up for the dating sites? They also lie about height, weight, and whether or not they have hair. It's not a gender thing but a lack of character thing.
That's true too but since I wasn't LOOKING for men...I didn't comment on it!
A good combination!
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