Posted on 05/09/2005 3:35:17 PM PDT by greydog
Yes, it’s that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners. Darwin Award Winner:
1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
.... And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago, returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast . The man, frustrated, walked away.
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.
(I'm sure there will be complaints now)
That story,yarn has been around for years.
Oh man...that was so funny. I love those Darwin Awards...they crack me up!
#3 - the woman gets the Darwin Award, not the shoveler.
Only the first one qualifies for a Darwin Award. To win a Darwin Award, one must die as a result of his or her own incredible stupidity, thereby removing themself from the gene pool forever.
I'm still laughing over #4....how brilliant.
Probably because most people have REAL things to complain about and consequently have no time to rant and rave over such a thing as the name of an award for stupidity. And anyways the Darwin awards are just too funny to be put up picket signs against. LOL.
No Kennedys included this year?
Although I've seen a lot of these before 2005 & 2004 & 2003.
Isn`t that great? TAKE THE MONEY DAMN YOU!
"3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago, returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her."
Proving once again that you do not mess with Yankees during a freakin' BLIZZARD!
This "Darwin" thing has an endless lifecycle, doesn't it? Why wasn't this MY 'Million Dollar Idea?' Grrrrr!
****I'm still laughing over #4....how brilliant.*****
Now I know how to get rid of the idiots in charge of supply and security an my company
Well, think about it. Suppose some evo group decides to start bestowing prizes for those who best represent their cause and name it for the man they most admire. Would the lucky winner really want "The Darwin Award" on his wall?
That's murder, and I scorn those who take humor in it.
Which one is the Darwin award honor winner? I say it's the woman. Everybody knows you don't park in the parking place somebody has spent two freaking hours shoveling out. Over and Over and Over again all winter long. You get squatters rights on those spots.
I've often expected Chicagoans to booby trap their parking places with concertina wire, trip wires, and hand grenades between the already ubiquitous sawhorses and plywood "If you value ur car don't park here" signs.
bttt
***That's murder, and I scorn those who take humor in it***
Aw shoot! I feel all scorned now!
Still looking for where it says the woman died, a dead person being one of the main ingredients needed for murder...
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