Jimmy Carter Attack Sub Armed with Nerf Missiles

scrappleface.com ^ | 2005-02-16 | Scott Ott

[NYTexan]

The U.S. Navy on Saturday will commission its newest nuclear-powered attack submarine, the Jimmy Carter, with many new features, including multiple-warhead Nerf missiles.

President Carter, who brought peace to the middle east, vigorously defended America's right to give away the Panama Canal and, in 1994, convinced North Korea to abandon talking about its nuclear weapons, said he's honored to have his name on "one of the most powerful peacemaking devices on earth."

Jimmy Carter is the first of the American Seahare-class subs, featuring a high-tech sonar system which alerts enemy forces to its presence and a safety device on the Nerf missiles which allows firing only after an enemy missile impact.

"This new generation of nuclear submarines is designed to use trust in our enemies as our first line of defense," said an unnamed Navy spokesman.

President Carter has invited leaders from North Korea and Iran to the commissioning ceremony, during which former First Lady Rosalyn Carter, in a time-honored Navy tradition, will give the first order to "man our ship, bring her to life then park her over there by the dock!"

[NYTexan]

Satire Break!

[NYTexan]

Pinging the usual suspects!



(anyone wanting on or off the satire ping list, let me kno

[Servant of the 9]

The Jimmy C. will have special torpedoes and cruise missiles that will only detonate if fired at the CVN Ronald Reagan or the CVN George Bush.

SO9

[dirtboy]

Jimmy Carter Attack Sub Armed with Nerf Missiles

The only sub in the fleet with "Duck Season!" on one side and "Rabbit Season!" on the other.

[martin_fierro]

Jimmy Carter Attack Sub Armed with Nerf Missiles

Now that's a sub armed to the teef!

[xrp]

Jimmy Carter is the first of the American Seahare-class subs

Check out this play on words of "Seawolf-class". Hahahahahahaha.

[EagleUSA]

While the assignment as Captain to a boomer is a high honor, and recognition of one's skills as a submariner, I still pity the good man that gets THIS JOB!!!

Foreever the target of razzing and riticule!!! Joke of the fleet for sure :-)

[drt1]

"This new generation of nuclear submarines is designed to use trust in our enemies as our first line of defense,"

Unfortunately, instead of being satire, this sums up the Carter approach to our enemies. No wonder he got the Prize. You can't have a war if you surrender before it can start.

[Little_shoe]

At least they did name a Carrier for dear Jimmy...

[PeoplesRepublicOfWashington]

The good point here is that there will not be a super carrier carrying the name of Carter.

[STARWISE]

Nerf is an appropriate name to be connected with Jimmah Cahtah, isn't it?

[quidnunc]

The U.S. Navy's newest, most up-to-date — and only, so far — appeasement submarine.

[chemicalman]

Waiting on a photo. hahaha

[navygal]

When they come to surface, will they use spit wads?

[dfwgator]

Jimmy Carter Attack Sub Armed with Nerf Missiles

Or as fellow Georgian, Zell Miller, would say, spitballs.

[taxesareforever]

The sub will also be painted yellow signifying the backbone of the Carter legacy.

[martin_fierro]

"Armed with what -- SPITBALLS??"

[Daus]

Here is a pic of the sub in dry dock

[leprechaun9]

"...appeasement submarine."

You hit the nail on the head - an appeasement submarine -

IT ONLY ABSORBS MISSILES!

[NYTexan]