Come See Our Hideous Slab

San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 12/17/4 | Mark Morford

[SmithL]

As the world swoons over France's soaring beauty of a bridge, S.F. gets slapped with an eyesore

And did you hear the one about how those gul-dang baguette-sucking antiwar French just completed work on this astounding new bridge, a soaring, airy, delicate thing erected in southern France, and it's all over the international press and the French people are justifiably proud and even the venerable Le Monde has deemed the new Millau bridge a "work of art," and the amazing pictures are being featured everywhere, for good reason?

And you look at the photos and see the breathtakingly elegant architecture (it was built by the same company that did the Eiffel Tower) and you read about the bridge's world-record height and its classy designer, renowned British architect Norman Foster, the man who also designed the Millennium Bridge in London and who believes, crazily, that "works of man should fuse with nature," and his bridge is already being hailed as an instant landmark.

The Millau. Its pillars poke the clouds and its design inspires the spirit and it will surely be a major tourist attraction for decades to come -- a fact that, of course, means little to most Americans, because most red-blooded patriots never venture past the Wal-Mart on the outskirts of their home state. But still.

And if you care at all about industrial design and the splendor of pure function and of humankind's aspirations toward anything resembling ideals of grace and simplicity and beauty, you take one look and you can only go, whoa.

And then you get to spin right around just in time to have your face slapped by Arnold Schwarzenegger, a giant slab of a B-grade actor and C-grade politician...

[chief911]

And a darn good fishing hole to boot!

[Cogadh na Sith]

You should experience riding a motorcycle across something like that--it's like flying!

[Shellback Chuck]

What do they charge nowadays? Last time I crossed it I think it was around 20 bucks.

[woofie]

That there bridge looks good enough to pee off of ....gotta go Walmarts open....

[Dionysius]

If the French build bridges like their cars and aircraft carriers, a major disaster looms.

[Corin Stormhands]

It's $10.00 each way.

[ArrogantBustard]

Last I knew, it was $18 ... but that was in the early 1990s.

I didn't mind a bit. Maintenance on that thing must be a major league, armour plate B!+@#. But it was always in good shape when I used it.

[packrat35]

Don't go to Louisiana. They have a 26 mile bridge.

[2Jedismom]

The idea makes me light-headed...I have a serious phobia when it comes to bridges. I cross 'em. I don't try to avoid 'em. But I don't like 'em and I have life preservers for my jedis under their seats in my van. I don't care what anybody says...I feel better with those life preservers there.

I'm not real fond of highway ramps that come up off the ground either.

[Ramius]

hehehe... Hey there 2J! But our Narrows bridge hasn't fallen down again for... years! Really! :-)

[ArrogantBustard]

You mean:

BBBbbwahahahahahahaha!

[shadowman99]

"This is the current plan now grunted forth by Arnie. It is supposed to lop $300 million or so off the ridiculously high cost of the current new Bay Bridge plan, costs that have exploded to upward of a staggering $5 billion for some unknowable Caltrans reason and is now a good time to mention the real kicker about the Millau? How France's gorgeous and epic 1.6-mile span cost only $550 million? Shhh."

Wellllll.... instead of bitching he could *gasp* act like a REPORTER and find out WHY it costs $5B to build a slab when the French have built and impressive (can't deny it) bridge for 10 percent of the cost.

How many retirements will be funded by line items in the new bay area bridge? How much money goes to funding environmental studies, union special interests, and even some unrelated school programs? What are the odds that some of that 5B will find it's way into the local AIDs clinics?

Or he could talk to some engineers and calculate the cost of building the Millau in California! Quarter Trillion? Aw, heck! Us red state Wal-Mart simpletons should fork it over so the bay area snobs can drive on art while they make a morning Espresso run.

Tonight when I'm driving home on a grey slab on stilts I'll think to myself "gee, I'm really upset because Mark Morford in unhappy with the appearance of a new bridge." As I watch Nascar this weekend it won't dawn on me how shallow he seems to not notice he has the Golden Gate Bridge in his city. I might not be able to feed my kids as depression sets in that Mike Morford doesn't like his new bridge. Damn, voter remorse might be setting in by this time. I bet that swell John Kerry (who served in Viet Nam, did you know that?) would have made sure that MIKE MORFORD liked his bridge!

By next week I'll probably need conselling because Mike Morford doesn't like his bridge. All of those well dressed Californians with their freshly detailed Smart Cars and BMWs don't have a bridge that meets MIKE MORFORD's asthetic sensibilities.

Mike Morford! Mike Morford! Mike Morford! It's all about you, Morford. It's your f'king world and we're just living in it.

[Corin Stormhands]

But if you want to get to the other side of the Bay, it's either that one or this on in Annapolis:

This one gets you for the height. Periodically toll workers will have to drive folks across who just can't handle it.

[ArrogantBustard]

darn good fishing hole

That's a true fact ... well worth paying the toll.

[2Jedismom]

Ugnh. No boat?

[Corin Stormhands]

You have to bring your own.

Before they built the Bay Bridge/Tunnel there was a ferry across.

[2Jedismom]

Ha! Is that what he was trying to post?

I'm pretty proud of the fact that I cross bridges, even though I'm afraid of them. However, that bridge you posted might be the line I can not cross.

[ArrogantBustard]

OOOOoooohhhh, yeah!

I'm not sure which one thrills me more ... but I've actually run across the Bay Bridge. That was a hoot.

[2Jedismom]

I should SUE!

j/k

It's a better lawsuit than some...