shape of things to come ping
You ever been hit by someone that was impaired? My leg still hurts 20 years later.
Wait 'til they stop some politicians who can't pass
this test while sober.
Well, can he play the spoons
Make music with his armpits
Little animals from balloons
Can he whistle Dixie
While eating crackers
And covering one eye
Can he love you
Half as much as I?
Go ahead and lock me up. I cannot stand on one foot nor can I walk a straight line. Haven't been able to since the labyrinthectomy that removed the gyroscope from the left side of my head.
Guess I might get lucky and win the lawsuit lottery if I fall and bust my pumpkin.
Get all drunked-up, and have a friend administer the tests to you. Repeat until you can master the tasks, even when on a full-blown bender.
Or better yet, stay off the roads when you're buzzed. Hey! What a wonderful idea!
Get out of the car.
Stretch out your arms and touch your nose with your finger.
Now walk this white line.
HALT! Come back.
On your hands!
One hand!
Now do a rollover, turnover and flip-flop!
Alright. Now juggle these, do a tap dance and sing the Catalina Magdalena Luptenschteiner Volunbeiner song!
It's still not as bad as the Austrian drunk driving test.
lol
It always amazes me how many people are stupid enough to accommodate the "performing monkey" request.
Even if it weren't so demeaning, why would you volunteer to possibly incriminate yourself? You may be required to submit to a blood, urine, or breath test (if probable cause exists), but field sobriety tests (aka, performing monkey tests) are 100% optional.
Just tell the officer, hell no!
--Boot Hill
The drivers will first be told to look at an object in the officer's hand and follow it as the officer moves it.
Drivers will then be required to walk in a straight line while counting the number of steps out loud, turning around, and taking the same number of steps in return.
Finally, the drivers will have to raise one foot and count out loud while keeping their eyes on the raised foot
No speak English. Get me interpreter. No understand Mr. Policeman. Show me.
Anyone who follows these commands should be charged with having too much dopamine in their system.
I would put my hands on my hips and do a Riverdance tap dance while reciting the alphabet starting with Z. That would totally trump the stupid test and entertain the drivers at the same time.
Way easier than the Brothers Against Drunk Driving sobriety test: say the alphabet backwards, skipping all the vowels, and give the sign language version for each letter as you go past.
Manitoba, Mississippi. Stand on one leg,stand on an egg balanced upon a wedge of iceburg lettuce. Nothing makes any difference. If alcohol is not evil in your world view you will lose. So far you can stay home as long as the lights are out .