Posted on 12/08/2004 2:07:33 PM PST by FBD
FLOOD OF LEFTIST 'ILLEGALS' CONTINUE TO FLEE NORTH ACROSS CANADIAN BORDER
OTTAWA -- The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls -- in the Canadian Parliament -- for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.
According to informed sources, the re-election of President Bush has prompted the exodus among left-leaning Americans who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say its not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.
"He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.
"Not real effective," he said. The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo turbo station wagons, drive them across the border, and then leave them to fend for themselves.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman told us. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
Some American liberals have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips headed to Canada to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers.
"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian liberals have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.
"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"
Steven Plaut for Iconoclast
LOL!
Humor ping! ;^D
But they already DO agree with O'Riles. ......on SUVs, global warming, the "evil" swift boat vets, the (so-called) assault weapons ban, etc.
lol......although art history is practically considered a hard science to today's university loons.
Hey, they can work the jobs Canadians don't want.
Yeah, I caught that. That was the only part of this spoof that didn't ring true.
This did though:
>"pack them into Volvo turbo station wagons..."<
What is it about Volvo station wagons that are so attractive to lefties? Oh, and Subarus. I see more leftist bumper stickers on Subarus and Volvos. Is it some sort of car cult?
;^D
Why don't we outsource our liberals to India.
Lay out traps for them. Copies of The Greenwich Village News and The Berkeley Voice usually lure them in.
Yep, Volvos (and to a lesser extent Subarus) seem to have replaced the old VW van as the leftist vehicle of choice.
Maybe we can trade them 5 liberal arts majors for 1 good doctor.
This is the only multiply-posted article that brings fresh laughter every time!
Seriesly! This must be at least post #8 or so!
Thanks for posting. ;^)
bump
I would say Toyotas are their favorite.
Among all the car companies in American, Toyota was the only one that gave more to Democrats than Republicans.
ROFLOL! Thanks for posting!
Lefties of any age would have trouble with that one.
The doctors will come on their own without a trade.
That sounds like a plan.
Well, maybe we can dump a "donation" on them.
"But they already DO agree with O'Riles. ......on SUVs, global warming, the "evil" swift boat vets, the (so-called) assault weapons ban, etc."
I have often noted that the fact that O'Reilly is considered Conservative is indicative of how far we've slid down the slippery slope. Half a century ago, he'd have been a centrist democrat. At his heart, Bill is the same sort condescending urban elitist that I have come to despise so much.
Now, with regard to this Canada business...I really wouldn't want to subject Canada to these miscreants. I like the outsourcing idea, but I think we ought to send them to Communist China rather than India. China has all the leftists could ask for: they silence anyone who dares to disagree with them, they silence all religious discourse in favor of secularism, they have institutionalized abortion and other so-called "population control" programs, and, of course, healthcare is "free".
I don't know what job a lib could take in Canada, other than perhaps replacing Carolyn Parrish with an even bigger nut. On the other hand, perhaps having more of them up North will help them realize the kind of people that many of us are/were forced to live with on a daily basis.
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