Judge Smails (from "Caddyshack")Buffoon of the Week Award Winner Named(Ebony & Ivory Co-Winners)

www.anklebitingpundits.com (formerly www.crushkerry.com) ^ | 11/11/04 | www.anklebitingpundits.com (formerly www.crushkerry.com)

[crushkerry]

Thanks to all the Kerry Crushers who sent in nominations for this week's award. For the secibd time in history we are proud to announce co-winners of this prestigious award. This weeks winners are Kofi "Don't Bother the Terrorists" Annan and Dustin "Let's Smell Their A$$es" Hoffman

What have these two dim bulbs done this week to deserve the award. Let us count the ways.

First, is Kofi Annan, a man like many past winners, who could win this award every week. But this week in particular stood out due to his comments on the battle to uproot terrorist scum from Fallujah.

Knowing full well that our brave soldiers, as well as those courageous Iraqi troops were preparing an assault on the terrorist rats nest that is Fallujah, Annan had the testicular fortitude to warn the US and Britain against the planned attack, saying it would "anger" Iraqis and interfere with planned elections. In the bizzarro world in which Annan inhabits, he also beleived that rather than fight the terrorists, the coalition should invite them into the government, and make them feel part of the political process.

All of this proves that Annan could possibly be the dumbest man on planet Earth. He's advocating bringing into the government people who were not only Saddam's henchmen, but also members of Al Queda.

He's worried about "angering" Iraqis? That's nice of him. What's he think they're going to do if they're angry - start taking hostages and beheading people? Oops, the did that. How about suicide bombs which kill scores of innocent Iraqis? Oops did that to. Wonder would happen if they really got angry? Annan is too stupd to realize that these acts just might be angering the 80-85% of the Iraqi population who are trying to make their country a better place.

But what would one expect from a man under whose watch millions have been exterminated in genocidal rampages from Bosnia to Rwanda (where he refused a request from the UN General for help that may have stopped the slaughter of 800,000) to Darfur. What else would you expect from a man who is stonewalling an investigation into the biggest corruption scandal in history, the Oil for Food program, and whose son stood to benefit from that corruption? What else would you expect from a man that rejects the findings of an investigation and allows a sexual harrasser to keep his job?

Thankfully both the US, Britain, and most importantly the new Iraq government told old Kofi to stick his advice up his a$$. In a statement that Annan could not respond do the new Iraqi Defense Minister asked "Where was Kofi Annan when Saddam was slaughtering the Iraqis like sheep? Where were the calls we hear from Arab and Islamic countries when Saddam was messing up the country?"

Finally, as of this writing we've heard nothing from Annan about today's discovery of a "hostage slaughterhouse" in Fallujah. Eh, but what does Kofi care? What's a few headless hostages when your actions, or in his case, inaction, has led to the slaugther of millions. To Kofi a few headless torsos is, as Ralph Kramden once said, a "mere bag of shells".

So all you internationalists and UN lovers out there, just remember the words of this worthless waste of space the next time you hear about what our brave fighting forces are doing in that snakepit of terror.

Our co-winner this week really isn't as bad as Kofi, as his words and actions are utterly irrelevant. But we felt we just couldn't let Dustin Hoffman's recent utterances go by without some recognition.

Writing in the latest issue of Playboy magazine this brilliant sage sets forth his plan for world peace. He writes "If a lot of dogs are on the beach, the first thing they do is smell each other's asses. The information that's gotten somehow makes pacifists out of all of them. I've thought, 'If only we smelled each other's asses, there wouldn't be any war.'"

Damn, I really wish we'd have had that pearl of knowledge on September 10, 2001. Then we never would have had to worry about this silly "war on terror" thing.

Well now we at least know one thing. Dustin Hoffman is a real life "Rain Man".

So congratulations you two buffoons for once again making our job this week so eay.

Past Winners:

Ted "I Killed a Woman Once" Kennedy
Eddie "UN Inspectors in Florida" Bernice Johnson
Kendrick "Johnny Soprano" Meek
Howard "The Terror Alerts Are Political" Dean
Bruce "I'm a Washed Up Bush Hater" Springsteen
Chrissy "I Squat To Pee" Matthews
Al "HE BETRAYED US!!!!!" Gore
Dan "What's The Forgery, Kenneth?" Rather
Joe "Allawi's a Puppet" Lockhart
Charlie "I Voted For the Draft-Before I Voted Against It" Rangel
Jimmy "The Revolutionary War Was Unnecessary" Carter Walter "Rove Made the Bin Laden Tape" Cronkite and Bill "It's a Coup I Tell You" Moyers

[crushkerry]

Ping

[akorahil]

It's easy to grin
When your ship comes in
And you've got the stock market beat.

But the man worthwhile,
Is the man who can smile,
When his shorts are too tight in the seat.

[crushkerry]

Oops: forgot to post the explanation of the award:

Who? Judge Elihu Smails, the character in the film Caddyshack who asks of the obnoxious but lovable Al Czervick (played by Rodney Dangerfield), “good Lord, what has this buffoon done now?”

As a special tribute to Judge Smails, every week we will issue this award to the biggest buffoon of the week … the person who, through his or her actions or public statements, has made a buffoon of themselves and everyone associated with them. Please note that since we slam Kerry on a daily basis, and he could win every week,he and his family are ineligible for this prestigeous award. We also ask Kerry Crushers to send in your nominations (no limits, so keep them coming). All we ask is that you tell us why you’re nominating the person, and include a link to any relevant stories.

[TheBigB]

"Well don't just stand there...go get some GLUE!"

[Rummyfan]

'Danny, I had boys younger than you executed. Didn't want to do it.... felt I owed it to them.'

Judge Smails

[digger48]

Hoffman's been sniffin' his own ass for years.

Kofi needs to go, right after we evict the bastards from US soil.

[Buttaboom]

Elihu, come loofah my stretch marks!

And my personal favorite, which I use liberally in parenting..

You'll get nothing and like it!

[crushkerry]

Judge Smails: "I guess you don't want that caddy scholarship do you?"

Danny: "I guess I don't"

Judge Smails "I guess you don't, I guess you don't"

followed by this, as Danny is lining up the winning putt:

Judge Smails: "Weeeelllll, weeee'rreee Waittttinnnnng"

[crushkerry]

"Well, The World Needs Ditchdiggers Too!!!!"

"Don't Count That, I Was Interfered With"

"The Man's a Menace!!!!"

[mountaineer]

Now I'm confused. I always figured Hoffman and the H'wood types were sniffing something, but assumed it was the white powdery substance. Now I find it's each other's a** - or is it their dogs' a***s? Maybe Hoffman just sniffs his own.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

[Hatteras]

"'If only we smelled each other's asses, there wouldn't be any war.'"

Sounds like a DU tagline...

[Khurkris]

bump & bk'mkrd

[ko_kyi]

"Well, the world needs ditch diggers too."

[Rummyfan]

'How about a Fresca?'

'You'll get nothing and like it.'

[Rummyfan]

'WInter rules, Judge.'

[NRA1995]

"You'll get nothing and like it!!!

Quick....post this at DU!!!

[kevkrom]

I hereby nominate Keith Olberman for his tireless (and accidentally hilarious) embracing of internet conspiracy theories about a "stolen election".