Posted on 08/03/2004 6:27:24 AM PDT by BJClinton
Writer Michael Mandelbaum has produced a column called, "Why America hates (soccer)". Mandelbaum speculates that Americans dislike "footie" because...
-- Baseball, basketball, & football are already popular here
-- it's so similar to BASKETBALL (that's simply a bizarre argument)
-- the games end in draws too often.
Of course, this ignores the "elephant in the living room," perhaps because the pachyderm in question is conked out asleep & laying in a puddle of his own drool after being forced to watch a game of soccer.
Put quite simply, if there were a competition for the "most boring, least action packed sport on Earth," soccer would be a strong contender for the crown. I mean, almost every sport you can imagine has more going on than soccer. Baseball, golf, cricket, WNBA basketball, slow pitch softball, ping pong, freeze tag, foosball, you name it, it's all a thrill-a-minute rocket ride down the side of Mt. Everest compared to footie.
Soccer is like watching the "Blair Witch Project" for the sixth time, counting grains of sand on the beach, or trying to sing every verse of "37,000 bottles of beer on the wall". How all of these "soccer hooligans" can stay awake through an entire game, much less muster the energy to riot afterwards, is beyond me.
Moreover, soccer is such a tedious "slug race on a sheet of flypaper" sport, that the only enjoyment most Americans get out of it is knowing that when we win, the fact that we don't care is like a shiv to the heart of soccer fans from whiny, ungrateful, countries around the world who complain incessantly about our country.
That being said, isn't the real question: "Why the hell is soccer so popular?"
Most people seem to think it's because all you need is a ball and a few sticks to put in place for a goal to get a game going. Personally, I think it has to do with the fact that socialism helps turn people into zombies who enjoy dull, slow paced, effeminate games that may as well have been designed by the sort of knock-kneed milksops who think dodgeball is too competitive of a game for children to play.
So here's an alternative suggestion: try thumb wrestling or mercy tournaments. They're more exciting than "footie" and it'll help prepare you for life in the capitalist system instead of helping to turn you into a socialist weenie who actually knows something about David Beckham beyond the fact that he plays soccer.
PS: I was just kidding about everything except the parts where I emphasized how boring and lame soccer was.
Soccer fans riot out of boredom.
The riots are the best part of the game IMO ... ;)
Can't be any worse than watching g o l f . . . zzzzz
Gosh. I like soccer. Ever since my daughter started playing. I watched an entire women's game on TV the other day. Much more exciting than watching golf. More exciting than about half the baseball games I've seen on TV.
I'd be more curious about why he seems to be so bent out of shape over a game.
I remember when the World Cup came to the United States several years back. So much hoo-ha about how it's such an exciting sport, such a great, great sport, and I remember thinking that the most exciting thing of every game I saw was the pattern in the way the grass was mowed (it was different for every game).
Soccer - greatest sport on earth...
The only things that almost match the boredom of soccer are televised baseball (bunch of guys standing around anytime I flip the channel to it--televised bowling has more action) and televised golf.
Or baseball.
Gotta agree--Soccer ir horrible. i have never understood how anyone can stand it, and I am suspicious of guys who like it--women, maybe, but a real man does not watch soccer.
Only someone too ignorant to raise their stupid head up from the puddle of drool they were in, and fail to learn what is going on in a soccer game, could come close to thinking that it is a boring sport. Soccer is the fastest paced, most exciting team sport there is. And it is actually very much like basketball in the way the offense has to continually probe the defense, searching for a weakness to be exploited, or try to create an opening by pulling the defense out of its strongest alignment.
Playoff hockey is the greatest. Baseball is a snoozer along with soccer..... and yes, the NBA. College basketball is great, but the NBA is as boring as hell.
It reminds me of the movie Hot Shots when Charlie Sheens buddy dies after crashing his plane. At the funeral he goes up to the deceaseds widow, gives her a wad of cash and says, " Its not much, about 3,000 but its my life savings, I thought it might help you out." To which the widow replies
" Oh thank you, with all the life insurance money I recieved and my husbands military benifit, I will be able to spend this all on hats."
The only person who ever made soccer interesting is JK Rowling, by moving it onto broomsticks and adding a few more balls.
Soccer, baseball, golf and watching the grass grow are all equal in boringness.
Mixed martial arts (i.e. UFC, Pride, Shooto, Pancrase, King of the Cage, etc.) - greatest sport on earth. (From a fan AND participant).
Soccer beats watching baseball any day of the week. And it's a toss up with basketballers as to who's the best athlete.
I wonder if this writer knows that the US is ranked 7th in the world right now. Probably not.
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