Q: What did the balloon say to John Kerry?
A: "I don't fall down..."
"Three words will suffice: one billion dollars."
Earned by Republicans, spent by DemonRats.
``Do you know who I am?''
ROTFLMAO!
Will someone please take Howie national? He's the funniest political talk show host and writer there is. It would be tough to give him up here in MA where he's one of the few voices of sanity, but I'm willing to make the sacrifice for the good of the nation.
He did a great job on O'Reilly last night.
ROFLMAO! This is funny! Howie Carr had me bursting my guts. What a hilarious sendup of John F*ckin'!
For a guy whose main selling point is supposed to be that he is more articulate than the President, it was pretty sad - despite the fact that Kerry and his aides allegedly spent weeks going over the thing and tweaking it.
If Kerry can't even manage the speechwriting process well, how can he amnage the country?
Howie was lurking here yesterday.
This is great!!! I have never even heard of Howie Carr until now.
I don't want HELP or HOPE from the US government - I want lower taxes. Cut spending/Cut taxes. Put the gov. on a strict diet. On a tight budget. Like we all have to live with, well those of us who aren't billionaires like CASH & KERRY! We don't need bigger gov., higher taxes, more benefits, more entitlements.... Let the people keep more of the money we EARN. My husband worked, for example, this week from 6:30 in the morning until 11:30 at night, working on design plans for two big huge chemical complexes - Kuwait & Oman. He doesn't ask for HELP from the government. We would like to KEEP more of our money since we have THREE kids in college and WE pay for it.
As my husband says "We already have ALL the goverment we can afford!"
OK I will shut up now. But the tax increases CASH & KERRY are "promising" scare my socks off. Our budget is already as tight as we can stretch it.
Howie knows Hanoi John best!
It was an odd speech, and by the way, is it over yet? I thought he'd served in the Senate, but apparently he was fighting in Vietnam with a band of brothers from 1968 until last year when he announced for president.
Does this explain the absentee rate on votes?
I LOVE Howie Carr!!!! Sending this one out to all on my email list!
You know, I've noticed that the Boston Herald has not been real friendly to the Dems this week. I thought they were a liberal newspaper. Whasssup? Somebody help the boy out here.
Kerry got the name Liveshot because he has always headed for the TV cameras. Don't get between the two.
Now's the time to swap stories about Liveshot (Kerry)
Boston Herald ^ | Howie Carr
Posted on 07/20/2004 11:32:03 PM PDT by Jenya
Now's the time to swap stories about Liveshot
This is the moment John Forbes Kerry has always dreamed of.
All his life he's been cutting in line, and then, whenever anyone complained, he would angrily turn to them and snarl, ``Do you know who I am?''
Now, when Kerry jumps the line and somebody yells at him, he has flunkies who angrily turn to them and snarl, ``Do you know who he is?''
It doesn't get any better than this for Liveshot. He laps up adulation. And now the city fills up with his supporters, these legends in their own minds who think that not only do we know who they are, but that we also care.
Every cop in New England - including county mounties - will be here, rousting the handful of taxpayers too broke to run. They're taking out the trash cans. Every gin mill around North Station now has signs saying ``Budweiser Welcomes the DNC.''
Don't you think the bars would get more action even with a hand-lettered sign that says, ``TED KENNEDY DRINKS HERE!''
But finally, Liveshot is out of Ted's massive shadow. This is the time to be a Friend of John - a FOJ. Everyone has their own stories about him, to show that they have been close to the man.
Here are my stories. We go waaaay back.
Let's go straight to the good stuff. Vietnam. Once, near the end of his ``gypsy years'' - i.e., before he signed the prenup with the widow Heinz - he suggested we get together for drinks.
I knew what this meant. I was buying. After a quick trip to the ATM, I met him across the street from the TV station at the Red Hat. We bonded.
``Sometimes, Howie,'' he said, ``I still have nightmares.''
Let me guess . . .
``Vietnam.'' He nodded, finished his beer and tried to catch the bartender's eye. I wondered if I'd gotten enough money out. ``It's tough, the nightmares.''
I'll bet he says that to all the girls. And the guys, too.
Now we moved onto a new subject. Apparently Liveshot never heard the old Hollywood saying about ``Self-pity is not good box office.''
``Do you know something Howie?'' he said. ``I'm the second poorest member of the U.S. Senate.''
A living hell - his life was a living hell. But I felt compelled to mention Naushon Island. How broke can you really be, Senator, if your family owns Naushon Island?
``You think I own Naushon?'' he said. ``I only get to rent down there, two weeks a year.''
It's not like I'm the only one who has disrespected Liveshot. When he filed his papers last year to run up in New Hampshire, he completed his paperwork and then announced he was ready to take questions.
``Hey,'' said one of the Boston TV reporters, ``you've changed your hair, haven't you?''
A regular Rodney Dangerfield, that's Liveshot. He was the first pol I ever saw who wore make-up outside a TV studio.
One of his daughters yesterday was complaining how mean-spirited the press is, saying, apparently without foundation, that this is going to be a massive headache. I remember one Sunday we were after him for comment on a negative story. He had a press availability at North Station - and he brought his two little daughters with him. Human shields is what they were.
``It's just my weekend with them,'' he said, when we called him on it.
It hasn't even started yet, and already I have a throbbing headache. Can someone direct me to the nearest bar Ted Kennedy has been thrown out of?
( Howie Carr's radio show can be heard weekday afternoons on WRKO AM 680, WHYN AM 560, WGAN AM 560, WEIM AM 1280 and WXTK 95.1 FM. )
This is the best line.
-NOT!!-