Skip to comments.Here's what he really said (Howie Carr)
Posted on 07/30/2004 5:02:00 AM PDT by jslade
Heres what he really said
By Howie Carr
Recent Columns by Howie Carr
Friday, July 30, 2004
If he really wanted to properly introduce himself to the American people last night, why didn't John Kerry [related, bio] use his trademark line, the one he has employed for so many years around here, whenever anyone calls him on anything?
``Do you know who I am?''
Instead - before the now famous balloon and f-bomb drop on CNN - we got the lame refrain, ``Help is on the way.''
Presumably, good help, which as John and the widow Heinz can tell you, is awfully hard to find.
It was an odd speech, and by the way, is it over yet? I thought he'd served in the Senate, but apparently he was fighting in Vietnam with a band of brothers from 1968 until last year when he announced for president.
If you used Kerry's speech to play the drinking game, where you take a sip whenever someone says a certain word, then you've probably got a hangover this morning if your word was ``Vietnam'' or ``fight'' or ``war.''
Thank God this convention is finally over. It turned into Mumbles Menino's Iraq war. Many fled the city in terror, so in case you didn't watch Liveshot's speech, let me provide you with the lines themselves, and then, in italics, what he really meant.
``People are working weekends; they're working two jobs, three jobs, and they're still not getting ahead.''
It's hard to get ahead when gigolos keep cutting in line in front of you.
``And what can I say about Teresa?''
Three words will suffice: one billion dollars.
``She's down to earth, nurturing, courageous, wise and smart.''
Did I mention her five mansions worth $50 million, and her $35 million Gulfstream V?
``Opportunity for all - so that every child, every parent, every worker has an equal shot at living up to their God-given potential.''
You too can marry two heiresses. It's the American dream.
``My fellow citizens, elections are about choices.''
Which is why I try to be on both sides of every issue. You choose which side you're on, I'm there for you.
``I rode my bike into Soviet East Berlin.''
It was a Schwinn - I'd never even heard of an $8,000 Serotta back then.
``As president, I will ask hard questions.''
Sommelier, which of these two imported $125 Merlots which you recommend?
``So tonight we say: Help is on the way.''
I'm sending my butler.
Q: What did the balloon say to John Kerry?
A: "I don't fall down..."
"Three words will suffice: one billion dollars."
Earned by Republicans, spent by DemonRats.
I was hoping he'd talk about his nickname for Teresa-- the African Queen.
``Do you know who I am?''
Will someone please take Howie national? He's the funniest political talk show host and writer there is. It would be tough to give him up here in MA where he's one of the few voices of sanity, but I'm willing to make the sacrifice for the good of the nation.
He did a great job on O'Reilly last night.
We need him NATIONALLY!
ROFLMAO! This is funny! Howie Carr had me bursting my guts. What a hilarious sendup of John F*ckin'!
For a guy whose main selling point is supposed to be that he is more articulate than the President, it was pretty sad - despite the fact that Kerry and his aides allegedly spent weeks going over the thing and tweaking it.
If Kerry can't even manage the speechwriting process well, how can he amnage the country?
Howie was lurking here yesterday.
Strangely, pubbie commentators seemed to like it better than their dem counterparts. Perhaps because it was a speach, except for domestic spending, that a republican could have given (and meant it).
The dem strategy seems to be to disguise themselves as republicans. Will it work?
Yup, O'Reilly called Carr "Kerry's worst nightmare", or something like that.
Thank God this jackass convention is finally over!
""Three words will suffice: one billion dollars.""
"Earned by Republicans, spent by DemonRats"
A: "I don't fall down..."
Hee hee! Very good. That one can use repeating!
"The Sunovabitch didn't push me!"
That's because he fumblingly seemed to half-agree with every Republican position.
And he didn't talk about fags pretending to marry each other or how great it is to stick scissors in the back of unborn babies' heads or any of the other pet liberal causes that turn Republicans off.
This is great!!! I have never even heard of Howie Carr until now.
I don't want HELP or HOPE from the US government - I want lower taxes. Cut spending/Cut taxes. Put the gov. on a strict diet. On a tight budget. Like we all have to live with, well those of us who aren't billionaires like CASH & KERRY! We don't need bigger gov., higher taxes, more benefits, more entitlements.... Let the people keep more of the money we EARN. My husband worked, for example, this week from 6:30 in the morning until 11:30 at night, working on design plans for two big huge chemical complexes - Kuwait & Oman. He doesn't ask for HELP from the government. We would like to KEEP more of our money since we have THREE kids in college and WE pay for it.
As my husband says "We already have ALL the goverment we can afford!"
OK I will shut up now. But the tax increases CASH & KERRY are "promising" scare my socks off. Our budget is already as tight as we can stretch it.
It's 5:50 in LA and FOX is running the second commentator in a row to tell me it was a great speech, great body language, etc. and adding that they intend to spend the next week "asking Kerry questions".
I'm having a hard time thinking of FOX as being balanced just now, much less conservative.
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