Regards, Ivan
Posted on 07/11/2004 10:09:59 PM PDT by MadIvan
LOUIS XVI’s diary entry for 14 July, 1789, consisted of a single word: "Nothing". To be fair to Louis, he used his diary almost exclusively for recording his hunting exploits, so no kill meant nothing of note had happened, however many pike-wielding peasants were dismantling his kingdom as he wrote. Nevertheless, I can’t help feeling that here was an opportunity missed. If only Louis could have slipped a quick "Ooh! Bad news from Paris, or what?" into the long list of "nothings" (he wasn’t a terribly successful hunter) he might have gained a few more fans - posthumously, at least.
I kept thinking of Louis as I read Bill Clinton’s memoirs. Outwardly, the most glamorous, charismatic, controversial, scandal-soaked president of modern times might not seem to have much in common with a portly, monogamous 18th century king, but, scratch the surface and, as far as their self-expression is concerned, you get pretty much the same result: nothing.
Bill’s autobiography has been panned - and fairly. It’s been called many things, from "self-serving and dull" to "sloppy, self-indulgent and often eye-crossingly dull", but pretty much always "dull". How? How could this happen? You have the ex-Most Powerful Man in the World telling all about lying, impeachment, adultery, sleazy sex and saxophones, yet, somehow, he manages to make you wonder how you stayed awake in the Nineties. Oh, he does recount how Israeli prime minister Barak once nearly choked on a peanut, but that doesn’t make up for the other 956 pages of tedium. Frankly, Bill, your memoirs sometimes read more like an appointments diary and dropping in an odd moan about having to sleep on the sofa isn’t nearly good enough.
At least he isn’t alone in using his writing skills to reduce a Technicolor chunk of history to drab monotone. In Spycatcher, Peter Wright made MI5 resemble a sponsored silence at an old folk’s home. Another great leader, Henry McLeish, wrote a whole autobiography about what he could have been (soccer star/contender/Scottish saviour) rather than what he was (bloke messing up in government).
Still, making stirring world events appear tiresome is quite a feat. Not even in the most fake Hitler diaries did anybody dare have Adolf write: "Martin says the Russians are approaching. Had a lovely Weiner schnitzel and tidied the bunker. Finally! That toenail came off."
China might have been different today if Chairman Mao’s Little Red Book had been as boring as Bill’s tome: "When launching a cultural revolution, wear a blue jacket, not a grey one. And look a bit stern. People like that. I didn’t get where I am today without looking a bit stern."
Imagine if Abraham Lincoln had said at Gettysburg: "87 years ago, America was founded. All people are equal. Some even died so that we’ll always have elections. I declare this cemetery open." The Civil War may have lasted significantly longer.
Even Nixon’s memoirs were better received than Clinton’s, maybe because his writing skills weren’t limited to: "All this talk of resigning depressed me, so I made some heavy-breathing phone calls to the Washington Post. Afterwards, I still felt a bit low, so I put my feet up and listened to some tapes".
Memoirs and diaries can be disappointing because they tell us about a personality and their preoccupations, not necessarily the fascinating times they lived in. Maybe this is why St Peter never wrote a gospel. It would have been mostly about fish.
If you want an insight into history, read history. If you want an insight into a person, by all means read their autobiography, but don’t be surprised when secretive, egotistical, superficial people produce self-indulgent, self-centred, superficial books.
Bill’s ability to churn out nothing much takes the pressure off George Bush when he comes to commit crayon to paper. Surely he couldn’t be as boring as Bill - could he? Only time - and this (alleged) extract from his diary - will tell: "Started a war. I was on television, saying things! Condoleezza says Tony will come over to play soon. Me and Barney ate pretzels. Pretzels are dangerous, so we chewed them into little bits like Laura told us to, so we wouldn’t choke. Being president is soooo neat!"
Regards, Ivan
Ping!
Clinton's ficbio is certainly good for curing insomnia.
That last bloody paragraph utterly spoils the entire article. :-(
Agree, it stinks.
Pity Fiona couldn't be satified with a fine article and had to interject venom towards someone who has not written an autobiography.
Bill's book about himself is boring?
Hardly news. I've never read a book about the Clintons yet that hasn't worked like a vast handful of sleeping pills...
"The Seduction of Hillary Rodham" was so mind-numbingly, horrendously boring I couldn't even finish it - and that's really saying something for me. The last book before that I never finished was "A Brief History of Time" by Steven Hawking - who lost me with the math.
The Clintons, on the other hand, just never had me to begin with.
It would only be interesting if they put in all the dirty parts.
What, about Steven Hawking or about the Clintons?!?!
About Bill Clinton... I can't imagine reading that stupid book unless there was something interesting to read.
If I know my mother, she'll pick it up eventually at a remainder sale for under ten bucks. (She's the one who bought the Hillary book, as well as other books about the Clintons whose titles, mercifully perhaps, I have forgotten.)
Which is still a waste of money, IMHO.
Until that book ends up in the book barrell for five bucks, I'm not going near it. I wouldn't even read it. It sounds so boring.
Still a waste of money.
I wouldn't even read a free copy. Well, MAYBE I would, if I was on the third night of a manic no-sleep thing... and even then, I could probably think of better uses of the time.
btt
So, this book is still in the "fire-starter" category? I'll wait until the bookstores have to return their stock and rip the covers off before the publishers get them. Bok boards don't burn very quickly.
Regards, Ivan
Just douse it with lighter fluid, then.
Is it also very, very long? ;-)
So it will last for many trips to the privy. Can't open it in the house. There isn't enough Lysol to kill all the germs.
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