AAAAAAHHHH!!!
Posted on 06/27/2004 1:07:06 PM PDT by wagglebee
As the July 4 holiday approaches, Bush Administration officials are bombarding the nation's police, fire, emergency and corporate-security offices with another round of terrorism warnings. Although there are no plans to raise the threat level from yellow to orange, a senior Justice Department official says, "there's very serious intelligence that's corroborated, that's multiple sourced, that indicates that al-Qaeda is intent on hitting us and hitting us hard this year." The official concedes, however, that "we don't have specific information."
Along with this now familiar general warning, the FBI has introduced the specter of a new terrorism threat: booby-trapped beer coolers. A lightly classified bulletin sent to 18,000 state and local agencies last week advised local authorities to look out for plastic-foam containers, inner tubes and other waterborne flotsam commonly seen around marinas that could be rigged to blow up on contact. Also, the bulletin warned, terrorists might attach bombs to buoys. FBI and Department of Homeland Security officials say no such devices have actually been discovered, nor is there any current intelligence that terrorists are hatching plots involving floating bombs. But some officials believe al-Qaeda may be focusing on harbors and shipping channels in an effort to replicate the success of the October 2000 attack on the U.S.S. Cole in the port of Aden, in which suicide bombers used a small launch laden with explosives to rip a 40-ft. hole in the warship's hull, killing 17 sailors.
Damn! They sure know our vulnerabilities.
Well, how the hell do they expect our beer to get down the Guadalupe with us? It has to have its own tube. I can't balance a 12-pack on my lap for five hours.
N.B. will just raise the "tube tax" and require inspections.
If they find glass they will probably shoot you.
Then I'm a dead woman. Beer in cans is an abomination unto the Lord.
Drink fast!
Or make frequent landings, I guess.
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I thought everyone knew that. ;-)
And make sure to lose an eighty dollar pair of Oakleys, it's tradition.
Certainly a new low in terrorist depravity and barbarism, and that's saying a lot.
But how can we retaliate? I have it: booby-trapped porn videos. The FBI can furnish the titles from its large stock of confiscated child-porn. Abdul inserts it into his VCR for a little diversion from the usual grind of butchery and posturing; and "BLAMMO!", jihadi wallpaper.
With some variations, it might also work with Fifth Columnists in this country.
LOL.
To: reagan_fanatic; B4Ranch; MeekOneGOP; FBD; Smartass; dennisw; SJackson
Ever heard of a raghead rodeo?
Tobey Keith is The Man!
17 posted on 06/27/2004 4:49:45 PM CDT by Happy2BMe (Ronald Reagan to Islamic Terrorism: YOU CAN RUN - BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!)
LOL ! Over here guys ! That thread is locked now ! :^D
You got that right. Just now, as I type this I'm dripping wet...had a frozen beer can explode all over me when I popped it open.
The fine print on the can reads "Osama bin Lager."
And yet Muslims are allowed to stay in the US. Can anybody tell me why?
Will we have a "Hold muh beer cooler" alert?
you got that right: instant headache. especially bud.
Hope they do it in Philly on july 4th. what a way to celebrate this event from the revolution:
THE BATTLE OF THE KEGS
(Francis Hopkinson)
Gallants, attend, and hear a friend
Trill forth harmonious ditty,
Strange things I'll tell that late befell
In Philadelphia city.
'Twas early day, as poets say,
Just when the sun was rising,
A soldier stood on log of wood
And saw a sight surprising.
As, in amaze, he stood to gaze;
The truth can't be denied, sirs,
He spied a score of kegs or more,
Come floating down the tide, sirs.
A sailor, too, in jerkin blue,
The strange appearance viewing,
First damned his eyes in great surprise,
Then said, "Some mischief brewing."
"The kegs now hold the rebel bold
Packed up like pickled herring;
And they've come down to attack the town
In this new way of ferrying."
The soldier flew, the sailor, too,
And, scared almost to death, sirs,
Wore out their shoes to spread the news,
And ran till out of breath, sirs.
Now up and down, throughout the town,
Most frantic scenes were acted;
And some ran here and some ran there,
Like men almost distracted.
Some "Fire" cried, which some denied,
But said the earth had quaked;
And girls and boys, with hideous noise,
Ran through the town half-naked.
Lord William, he, snug as a flea,
Lay all this time a-snoring
Nor dreamed of harm as he lay warm
In bed with _______________
Now, in a fright he starts upright
Awakened by such a clatter;
He rubs both eyes and boldly cries,
"For God's sake, what's the matter?"
At his bedside he then espied
Sir Erskine at command, sirs;
Upon one foot he had a boot,
And t'other in his hand, sirs.
"Arise! Arise!" Sir Erskine cries;
"The rebels---more's the pity---
Without a boat are all afloat,
And ranged before the city."
"The motley crew, in vessels new
With Satan for their guide, sir,
Packed up in bags, or wooden kegs,
Come driving donwn the tide sir.
Therefore, prepare for bloody war!
Those kegs must all be routed,
Or surely we despised shall be,
And British courage doubted."
The royal band now ready stand
All ranged in dead array, sirs,
With stomach stout to see it out,
And make a bloody day, sirs.
The cannons roar from shore to shore,
The small arms make a rattle;
Since wars began, I'm sure no man
E'er saw so strange a battle.
The rebel vales, the rebel dales,
With rebel trees surrounded,
The distant woods, the hills and floods,
With rebel echoes sounded.
The fish below swam to and fro,
Attacked from every quarter-
"Why sure," thought they, "the devil's to pay
'Mongst folks above the water."
The kegs, 'tis said, tho' strongly made
Of rebel staves and hoops, sirs,
Could not oppose the powerful foes,
The conquering British troops, sirs.
From morn to night these men of might
Displayed amazing courage,
And when the sun was fairly down
Returned to sup their porridge.
A hundred men, with each a pen,
Or more---upon my words, sirs,
It is most true---would be too few
Their valor to record, sirs,
Such feats did they perform that day
Upon those wicked kegs, sirs,
That years to come, if they get home
They'll make their boasts and brags, sir.
During the American Revolution, during the British occupation of
Philadelphia, some ingenious Yankee had the idea of floating
some wooden kegs, loaded with gunpowder, down the Delaware
River to explode against the British ships anchored there.
The boms were badly timed, and most of the kegs blew up
against the ice in the river. British troops and ships,
panicked by the explosions, fired small arms and cannon
broadsides into the river. RG
Tune: Yankee Doodle
@America @revolution @war @battle
filename[ BATTKEGS
TUNE FILE: YANKDOOD
CLICK TO PLAY
RG
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