Posted on 06/21/2004 11:10:12 AM PDT by Caleb1411
When I was a boy, my father dropped me off at Little League games. Afterward, I'd ride back with another family.
When I got home, my father would always ask, "How'd it go?" I would say it went "good." He would say, "Did you get a hit?" I would usually say, "No." He would say, "Maybe next time." And I would say, "Yeah."
On the last game of my first year, I managed to squeak out a dribbling single. When I got home, my father was cutting the lawn. He did this every weekend. I followed around behind him, still in my uniform.
Finally, I lost my patience. "Aren't you going to ask me what you usually ask me?" I said.
"What's that?" he said.
"Did I get a hit?"
"Oh. OK. Did you get a hit?"
"Yeah!"
"That's great," he said. He rubbed my head. And he went on mowing the lawn. I trailed around behind him until I got bored and went inside.
Today, that might be seen as a lack of interest. The Parent Police - people who brag about what deeply involved parents they are, while ragging on others - might scold my father for not taking a more passionate approach to my baseball career.
I think he was just right.
Yesterday was Father's Day, it is worth a look at how men measure their fathering skills through sports. Because too many fathers think 100 hours a week of coaching, training or pounding in fundamentals makes them a quality dad.
Often - not always - these same men are seriously devoid of similar interest in other matters, such as really talking to their children, or setting a good example around the house or with their wives. Instead, they look at fathering as a time-punch: As long as you put in X number of hours, you're fine.
So sports becomes their thing. They drive their kids hundreds of miles for weekend tournaments. They schedule training through the summer and winter. Within this fanatic subculture, they sometimes get in verbal confrontations with other dads, shoving matches, even fistfights.
There are fathers who berate referees for picking on "my kid." Fathers who threaten unpaid coaches for "not playing my kid more." Fathers who insist that a high school "treat my kid better" or he'll transfer to the school across town.
You'll notice the constant in all those examples: "my kid." These are men to whom children are firstly a reflection of themselves, a mini-me, and when they argue they are really arguing for their own egos.
(Excerpt) Read more at jewishworldreview.com ...
Thank you.
And, AMEN!
If he thought it was just right he wouldn't be remembering it after all this time.
My father played semi-pro baseball and encouraged me to play little league. He would be at every game and practice, watching my every move. I got 1 hit all season and after every game I was lectured to for at least an hour on everything I did wrong. Needless to say the next season I found an excuse not to join little league. I still love my dad, and when he comes to visit he likes to watch me play softball in the league at work (thank G-d there have been no lectures).
Good article that's full of common sense. These soccer moms, and baseball dads get on my last nerve. If they want to create a relationship with their kids, get them out of the house and have them help you garden. These days, modern cars need to be taken to a mechanic for tune ups, but even though I was a girl, I would be under the hood with Dad handing him tools. We would also watch World At War on Sunday afternoons. I was never in organized sports.
Guess you didn't read the whole article. He did care at the time, but as he got older he changed his mind.
I would argue that sports is an important ELEMENT in the development of a young man, and, since a lot of guys like sports, it presents a wonderful bonding opportunity for fathers and sons. And yes I am bias- I have 4 boys and a girl, I coach youth football, and I also participate in Taekwondo with several of my children.
The key is that as a father you CANNOT equate success on the field of play with parental love or acceptance. Participation in sports can be used to teach many valuable life lessons.
Sitting and watching a football game with your kids also provides an opportunity to spend time together.
Joshua
Wow, me too, both those things! I thought I was the only one (and I'm a girl, too).
Some of the best times I had with my dad were doing ordinary stuff like that. I particularly liked going to the hardware store with him.
I ran track in high school but they never came to the meets (most of them were on the road at other county schools) but he'd ask him "how'd you do?" when he got home from work and that would be the end of it.
LQ
Kids like to know their dad will sit down and talk with them about their day. Their worries about the day or just about some kid who said something rotten or nice.
My husband's Little League team this year had just the opposite problem: parents who thought baseball was just free babysitting for a few hours every week. It broke my heart to see boys getting dropped off, searching for the mom or the dad after he got the big hit or made a great catch, and looking glum when he realized nobody was there because they didn't care. Our team finished last, and I think it was in large measure because not enough parents were there to encourage their boys. These boys would often show up late, without parts of their uniforms, hungry and not fed before the game, etc. etc. It was all I could do to keep from lecturing a few of the parents. I come to the games because my son wants me to see how hard he has worked and how much he has improved! Baseball is a big deal to him. How can I talk to him about his life if I don't understand this major part of it?
It's apples and oranges. IMO
He tried to get to their games, matches, etc.
Every parent needs to tune in to what it is that would make their kid feel that the dad is interested.
Boys and girls need the father to be involved.
Of course you're right that sports are an important element in raising boys. My problem is the attitude that some parents have about sports. It's just a game for cripes sakes.
I have 3 girls and one boy. Unfortunately, there was never any money to put them in little league. My youngest wants to learn taekwondo, and I have some connections where we're moving, so I think it's manageable.
The hardware store! My Dad was a mailman, so he had Sundays off, plus one day a week that varied. He would take me on errands on his day off. When I grew up and got married, he would take me to the grocery stores and teach me how to shop for bargains. I learned a lot from him :-)
I was in band, and traveled all over the place. My folks didn't show up, and I didn't expect them to.
You are dead on, OldFriend. This is a very sad story. I can not even imagine getting a big hit in a game, rushing home to tell my father, and discovering he is too busy CUTTING THE LAWN to express interest in my achievement. Pathetic! This guy had a lousy dad and it is no surprise this story sticks with him.
Sadly, the writer is probably pulling the same crap on his own kid. Which is why he now writes the story trying to justify the actions of his father.
Look for the parks and rec programs to see about the taekwondo- we are able to do it for real cheap. Right now we workout in a park, and the instructor isn't charging at all.
Sports is just a game, but it is also a great teaching opportunity. Teamwork, dealing with failure, dealing with victory, perservering to overcome challenges- you can actually have a micro-cosom of life in the course of one game.
Of course most of the time it is all just an excuse to play in the mud, though!
Consider yourself and your children you never were involved with Little League.
You don't have to live your life over thru your kids' sports but you do have to be their life coach.
Not every minute they demand attention but when you are able you must let them know they matter.
I found this interesting:
http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/narth/fathers.html
I think one way to encourage your son to become a homosexual is to let him know that cutting the lawn is more important than sharing in his achievements.
If you want a healthy happy son, turn off the lawn mower when he gets home and give him a hug.
An excerpt from an interesting article follows:
FATHERS OF MALE HOMOSEXUALS:
A Collective Clinical Profile
by Joseph Nicolosi, Ph.D.
After reading the article and the thread, especially your comments, I went back and read the article again, more carefully. I think the point the author was making is that an obsessive interest in sports, standing alone, doesn't make a good parent. I think he's criticizing parents who, as he says, put in their "x hours" on sports and think they've punched their card, without honoring certain other obligations of parenthood. I'd agree with that. Having said that, though, I also think his own anecdote is kind of strange, since it seems like he really did want his father at his games. It sounds more like he made peace with his father's approach later and at least saw some value in it, though he still was disappointed by it. I am not so sure he is saying that is the best approach, just that attending every game doesn't make you a good parent any more than missing games makes you a bad one. The article isn't very artfully written, I don't think.
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