Posted on 05/25/2004 8:43:52 AM PDT by dead
Clare Coulson thinks she has too many gay friends. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just that they are blocking her path to romance.
There are women who have gay friends and there are those that don't. I have more gay friends than I know what to do with.
It all began when I worked on a glossy magazine where heterosexual men were as rare as split ends. The office was full of flamboyant, witty, entertaining gay men who quickly became close friends and allies. But six years on, for a girl working in the fashion industry, they are an occupational hazard.
While I love all my gay friends dearly, they are beginning to seriously threaten my chances of ever meeting a potential boyfriend. I am 31, I have been single for as long as I can remember and, if certain statistics are to be believed, my chances of meeting anyone to marry are getting slimmer.
It's no one's fault but my own, of course. I make absolutely no effort to meet potential boyfriends. Given the choice between a girls' night out, hitting bars and clubs, or a camp night out with my coterie of male friends, I take the latter every time.
Gay men are incredibly easy to be around. No one makes me laugh as much as they do - they will shamelessly discuss anything, cut to the chase on the most difficult subjects and are always, always totally honest.
The problem is that, on so many levels, my gay friends are too safe. Friendships with gay men never have tricky moments; gay friends won't care if you fancy them or not and, even if you do, there's nothing you can do about it. You don't have to worry about when to call them, because they will be thrilled to hear from you, any time, day or night.
Gay friends have all the best attributes of female friends: they are great fun, can talk endlessly about dating and will listen (properly) to whatever problem is up for discussion. There's no trace of the competitiveness that, although subtly played out, is usually rife in female friendships.
Gay friends can be like surrogate boyfriends. Earlier this year, I was invited to a fantastic restaurant with a group of people who were mostly strangers. I sat next to Ian, a charismatic, witty guy who flirted shamelessly with me for about two hours. He told me how fabulous he thought I was and gave me his number at the end of the evening.
It took a while to know for sure but, of course, he was gay. He called me first thing the next morning and then continued to call, text and email for days. I felt as though I had a fabulous new boyfriend. It was fun while it lasted, but it was no substitute for the real thing.
Being adored is an intoxicating thing. Gay men will hug and kiss you and make you feel as though they could, if only things were different, be your boyfriend - and however ridiculous this is, it's briefly reassuring for someone who is forever single. It's a welcome form of escapism. It's not that I even mind being single, but I cling to the idealistic and incurably romantic idea that, one day, I will just stumble into my soul mate. But if all this is not in the hands of the gods I am not helping the odds at all.
And when an interesting straight man does come along, it is difficult to shake off the way you behave around gay men. I am so used to being playfully blunt, sarcastic and slightly over the top that straight men usually get scared off pretty quickly. Camp is definitely contagious. But I wouldn't want a boyfriend who was simply a straight version of my friends; I can think of nothing worse than dating a metrosexual man who spends Saturdays cruising Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent and knows more about manicures than I do. Heaven forbid.
The most depressing thing - and I assure you I don't spend much time being unhappy about any of this - is that it's all just a bit of a waste.
So what's the solution? I've concluded that I need to give up my gay friends - or at least spend a lot less time with them. I have countless friends who have spent their 20s and 30s devoted to gay men, only to emerge on the wrong side of 40, alone and none too happy about it. I have told my friends that they have to go.
Of course, they are terribly understanding about it; they just want me to be happy.
And that's exactly why I know, deep down, that I'll never really be able to give them up.
Owl_Eagle
" WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
DIVERSITY IS STRENGTH"
She's just looking for a sperm donor.
And yes "fag hag" is the term that comes to mind.
Whoa. This story should be required reading. A woman I know failed to make this decision 15 years ago when she was about 34 years old.
She's still unmarried, though she really would like to do so (to a guy).
Well, I dunno - I had a girlfriend one time who had a bunch of gay friends and it didn't interfere with the relationship at all. Well, until she introduced me to Bruce, that is...
If a woman smokes cigarettes in England, is she a fag hag?
wah wah wah...
"Get Over It" - By the Eagles
I turn on the tube and what do I see
A whole lotta people cryin' "Don't blame me"
They point their crooked little fingers ar everybody else
Spend all their time feelin' sorry for themselves
Victim of this, victim of that
Your momma's too thin; your daddy's too fat
Get over it
Get over it
All this whinin' and cryin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it, get over it
You say you haven't been the same since you had your little crash
But you might feel better if I gave you some cash
The more I think about it, Old Billy was right
Let's kill all the lawyers, kill 'em tonight
You don't want to work, you want to live like a king
But the big, bad world doesn't owe you a thing
Get over it
Get over it
If you don't want to play, then you might as well split
Get over it, Get over it
It's like going to confession every time I hear you speak
You're makin' the most of your losin' streak
Some call it sick, but I call it weak
You drag it around like a ball and chain
You wallow in the guilt; you wallow in the pain
You wave it like a flag, you wear it like a crown
Got your mind in the gutter, bringin' everybody down
Complain about the present and blame it on the past
I'd like to find your inner child and kick its little ass
Get over it
Get over it
All this bitchin' and moanin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it, get over it
Get over it
Get over it
It's gotta stop sometime, so why don't you quit
Get over it, get over it
My advice, lose the gay friends on nights out, go out with the girls, hang out where nice guys are: Golf courses/country clubs, ski lodges, camping etc.
THERE'S her basic problem. Single at 31? Obsessed with having a relationship. Not a very enlightened modern female.
What planet is this woman from?
I don't think so.
Rather, I think she's discovering that there's more to life than "fun nights out with safe friends." There's no "becoming one flesh" with these guys -- it's fun, but ultimately barren.
Its funny how she thinks guys are "scared off" when actually they are sickened to the bone. If men want a girl like the one who married dear old dad its a good bet most peoples moms weren't fag hags who felt free to talk like a pervert. Men may settle for a loud rude perverted woman but they would rather not.
Not to mention that she's hedging on whether she might have been married before the electroshock therapy ... "single for as long as I can remember" ? This reminds me of the heroine in "Sweet Home Alabama," who "forgot" she was married to the first guy until she was engaged to the second guy.
Any guy that happens on a fag hag should run away. If she thinks gays are great to hang out with she does not want nor could she handle a real man. She still wants to deal with boys on a grade school level.
"The girl of your dreams would never take you away from hockey. She would feed you one-timers on Lake Ontario 'til her arms fell off."
Hey!!!
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